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AIBU?

To be deflated at my Mum's reaction?

139 replies

willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:32

I have one DS who’s only just turned one. I’m pregnant again, it was planned, very happy.

Found out very recently that it’s twins. I cried for 2 days straight, so terrified. Then slowly started feeling more positive as the shock subsided.

My mum happened to visit yesterday so I told her in person. I actually filmed her! I thought she would be happy and would offer some reassurance, but instead she has been so negative. High risk pregnancy, will find it impossible with a toddler, far too early, the list goes on. So so negative and depressing.

I’m aware of all these things, but was hoping to get some grandmotherly excitement. She adores DS who’s her only GC so far.

She’s made me feel really down, even though everyone else is so supportive and DH and I are feeling happier about it now that we’ve had some time for it to sink in.

My MIL has been wonderful, saying things like I’ve obviously been blessed with two as I can manage, and I’m an amazing mum to DS, he will thrive with the new babies. I know some of this stuff isn’t necessarily true but it’s nice and uplifting.

My mum is staying for a few days and I just don’t feel like we’re really on the same page! What a shame. We normally get on fine - not the closest, but we’re on very good terms.

I’m just ranting really - if my own mother can’t reassure me, who will?

OP posts:

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willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:33

Oh and I am aware I need to change my username!

OP posts:

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 20/10/2017 22:33

Is your mum normally doom and gloom?

CotswoldStrife · 20/10/2017 22:36

Congratulations!

Did you film your MIL too? I just can't get over the filming bit!

Musicaltheatremum · 20/10/2017 22:39

Yes it will be hard but it will be wonderful. Let her settle down and then get her support. Mothers really need to "zip" it in these situations. Congratulations

speakout · 20/10/2017 22:40

Filming the reaction?

Just awful.

mineofuselessinformation · 20/10/2017 22:40

Give her time to process it, as you did yourself....
Hopefully, she'll welcome it as wonderful news!
I'm guessing it was a shock and she spoke without thinking.

EddChinasMangina · 20/10/2017 22:41

Were you filming it for Facebook likes by any chance?

Believeitornot · 20/10/2017 22:41

Filming?! Did she know?
Maybe that’s why.

willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:42

I filmed it as I put DS in a ‘big brother’ t-shirt and let him tell her, I thought it would be fun!

I don’t think I’m going to show the children the video when they’re older!

Yes she’s quite a negative character. Maybe she was in shock too!

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EsmeeMerlin · 20/10/2017 22:43

My mum put a downer on me when I announced to her I was pregnant with my second. However I do think it was more out of her worrying and not necessarily expressing it well rather than anything else. After I told her she upset me, she apologised and now I am 20 weeks she is absolutely fine. She actually came to a scan with me yesterday when my partner couldn't make it.

She may have just been shocked and spoke without thinking. Tell her how she made you feel and see if she improves.

teaandtoast · 20/10/2017 22:43

Perhaps she's more in touch with the reality of a toddler and newborn twins than your Mil is?

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2017 22:43

Why were you filming her? That's really odd...

She was probably shocked. Her reaction wasn't appropriate though and hopefully she'll apologise in the next few days.

willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:43

I think she thought I was taking a photo. I have no intention of uploading on FB, I thought it would be a sweet keepsake.

Didn’t film MIL as DH told her over the phone.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 20/10/2017 22:44

Cross posted with you about the filming. Still odd to me.

Handsfull13 · 20/10/2017 22:44

Congratulations 🍾
I have twins and pregnancy can be hard but it doesn't always have to be.
I have a twin Mum friend who has a toddler as well and she says it's amazing and once you are settled in a routine it's as easy as having 2.
I'm sure your mum was just in shock and worried about you but she'll come around

ILoveDolly · 20/10/2017 22:44

Is she normally a blunt person? Just tell her its happening so you need her support no matter how surprised she was by the announcement. I mean, you can't back out now! Whatever was she thinking, maybe the shock talking, so give her a few days then broach it again.

Krapom · 20/10/2017 22:45

Just as it took you a while to process it, so to it will her. It was unfair for you to film her reaction BTW. You didn’t respond initially with sunshine and roses, why would you expect her to? It clearly will be hard but doable, but give her the time you also needed.

HaHaHmm · 20/10/2017 22:47

Congratulations, OP.

But please consider - you cried for two days while you processed the news, but you expect your mum to be instantly delighted whilst filming her reaction???? (don't ever do that again, by the way).

Give her time. I'm sure that everything will be fine but her mind has flown to the risks because you are her daughter and she is worried about you. Comparing her to your MIL is really unfair.

NancyDonahue · 20/10/2017 22:47

It sounds like she's worried about you. It will be hard - joyous!.. but hard. I'm sure she'll warm up once she's over the shock.

willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:49

Fair enough about the filming. I thought it would be fun to watch it back. Even before I told her it’s two babies, she said ‘were you trying or was it a mistake!’. Maybe I should have stopped filming then!

She was definitely better today, so perhaps she just needs time.

OP posts:

CinderellaRockefeller · 20/10/2017 22:51

How did your just turned one year old manage to tell you mother it was twins? That’s a good combination of articulate and able to hold an idea in his head for a while.

StripeyDeckchair · 20/10/2017 22:53

My eldest two are twins. The first year was hell* but now they are fantastic, I'm so proud of the, they are becoming wonderful young adults and are fab big sister & brother to my younger two.

hell - I had no family to help nearby, feeding, changing, bathing, playing with two small people & running the house & keeping yourself vaguely presentable is hard work.

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Jacana · 20/10/2017 22:53

Fair do's to your mum, tho, op. You wrote that you cried for two days when you realised that you're expecting twins before you wrapped your head round it and started to feel excited.....and yet you expect your mum to feel immediate joy and come here to complain that she didn't? I'm sure that once it's really sunk in she'll be as pleased as you.
Oh, and many congratulations

LouiseH2017 · 20/10/2017 22:56

I think you should show the film to her. It might be scary for her, but it's even more scary for you (although I'm not so secretly wishing for twins/triplest as I want a large family so don't actually think it's that scary) and I'm sure that you'll make it work and your children will be awesome. Maybe she was just overwhelmed and will give more support once she's had time to digest it. You said you spent two days crying, maybe this is just her version of that.

willisurvive2under2 · 20/10/2017 22:56

Well thanks for showing me that perhaps IAB a little U.

I put a big brother t-shirt on DS and then asked him to go to Grandma to take off his jumper as he was too warm.

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