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To feel very child like at 32?

(10 Posts)
Kelly34 Fri 20-Oct-17 22:15:44

I had a happy childhood but when I was 13 my mum was diagnosed with cancer.
She showed me her lump and from that moment on my life was just filled with worry and sadness.
She left it too long and she passed away when I was 14.
I feel like I lost my childhood,and now I feel like I'm still child like in myself.
Does that make any sense?
I want things to stay as they are and never change.
I look at photos and wish I could go back in time.
After my mum died my life changed.
Things were never the same and never will be now.
I still feel like the 14 year old now.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
I still live at home with my dad,in my childhood bedroom.
Am I a total lost cause?

Butterymuffin Fri 20-Oct-17 22:17:21

Of course not. Do you work, or study, or have some other occupation?

Kelly34 Fri 20-Oct-17 22:19:27

Yeah I work.

Butterymuffin Fri 20-Oct-17 22:28:09

OK, so you're out there interacting and earning money. That's an important step away from the life of a child. Have you ever talked about your mum's death and your feelings about it with anyone, like a counsellor or even with a good friend?

holidayqueriwifi Fri 20-Oct-17 22:30:32

There's nothing wrong with you. You lost your mother tragically young. You can't blame yourself for how you feel when your feelings are perfectly understandable and normal. Be kind to yourself. I'm sorry for your loss.

bianglala Fri 20-Oct-17 22:33:54

flowers don't be hard on yourself. Our unconsciousness is a very complex thing. The trauma of losing your mum must have affected you more than you imagine. Try to be happy and content as you are. It is probably a good idea to be independent and start anew so it feels like starting a brand new chapter.

SuperTrumper Fri 20-Oct-17 22:34:33

Sorry to hear about your loss.
I think it’s a manifestation of grief. I’m very similar; my dad didn’t die but he had a very serious accident which changed him as a person forever and at the same time changed our whole family's Life forever. He has a severe brain injury. I see my life in 2 stages :Pre accident and Post accident. I yearn to go back to the pre accident days, when life was happier and we had fond memories. I think about it daily, even though it’s impossible to go back in time, it serves no purpose and doesn’t even bring me comfort, if anything it traps me from moving on. I dream regularly about my school days and our old house where we lived when Dad was better.

So I just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone and that I completely understand flowers

motheroreily Fri 20-Oct-17 22:36:59

I’m sorry. I had a traumatic experience when I was 18 and feel I grew up quickly because of it but then have frozen at that point and not grown up.

You’re not a sad lost cause. What else do you enjoy doing? Have you ever had counselling?

Aquamarine1029 Fri 20-Oct-17 22:40:29

There's nothing wrong with you, but there's nothing wrong with moving on with your life, either. Maybe it's time to spread your wings and strike out on your own. Moving on doesn't mean you will miss your mum any less, and staying in your childhood home isn't what is keeping you remembering her. Do you think this is what your mum would have wanted for you or would she have wanted for you to experience a full, independent life?

Telstar99 Fri 20-Oct-17 22:44:36

flowers I am so sorry for you and how you feel. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are entitled to feel fragile and child like.

Losing your mother when you were 14 is a TERRIBLE thing to go through, and one you will never get over. You will learn to live with it, but NEVER get over it.

You need your mother for so much. As a child, a teen, a young adult, as a parent, as a worker, as a married person. I remember reading some time back, that people are not equipped emotionally and mentally to lose their parents before the age of 30. So no wonder you are struggling. I think quite a few people have had the same experience as you; they lose parents at a young age, and then struggle to 'grow up' in the manner they thought they would.

Would you be able to talk to someone? A counsellor, or someone in your position? Maybe join a group for people who have lost parents young? It is very hard to lose your parents when you are young.

Take care.

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