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To still go to this wedding

(148 Posts)
PeachPit Fri 20-Oct-17 19:09:57

I separated from DD’s dad a few months ago, but we’ve been getting on well all things considered. Spent DD’s birthday together and we’ve had trips out together with her. It’s still a little awkward at times but I’d say we’re getting on ok as friends.

Before we seperated we were jointly invited to his cousins wedding. He’s not particularly close to his cousin, but I know the bride to be quite well. Our DD is a flower girl and despite us seperating I’ve been the one to speak to the bride regarding DD’s outfit/hair etc.
I presumed, I’d still be attending and that we’d just have to sort out the hotel room, we obviously have a joint room booked.

Having spoken to him today, he’s obviously presumed I wouldn’t be going. And when I said I would be he wasn’t too happy about that, at all.
His argument being it’s his family and would be awkward for him and basically I’m no longer invited to his family events as he’s not to mine.
Mine is, the brides expecting me and I’m friends with her. Our DD is a flower girl for the first time and I don’t want to miss it and his family love me and want me there (I’ve spoken to his mum who’s expecting that I’d still go).

He’s sent me a message after he left that’s basically said, if I do go he won’t. I don’t actually believe that though and really don’t get why he’s so bothered by me going.

So AIBU to still go?
I don’t think I am, but would appreciate a neutral point of view.

Apologies for the length, just wanted to try include everything that might be relevant, so as not to drip feed.

StoorieHoose Fri 20-Oct-17 19:11:50

I wouldn’t go if I was you. It’s his cousins wedding. It’s his family that will be there. Yes you are friends with the bride but cut him some slack and let him attend his family wedding

Cokeis Fri 20-Oct-17 19:13:03

Not your place, sorry

EnglishRose13 Fri 20-Oct-17 19:13:13

It's up to the bride and groom, not him.

orangeowls Fri 20-Oct-17 19:13:41

As you’re friends with the bride and she wants you there I would still go.

Belindaboom Fri 20-Oct-17 19:13:49

It’s his family, you’re separated. If he doesn’t want you to go then you don’t go.

HeadfirstForHalos Fri 20-Oct-17 19:14:50

I would go, if he can't be adult enough to be civil with you for one day that's his problem!

ChickenJalfrezi Fri 20-Oct-17 19:14:58

Are you the poster whose OP slept with the girl in the work hotel room?

If so, YABU - you need to step away from him. Stop hanging on.

MorrisZapp Fri 20-Oct-17 19:15:01

No, don't go. Sorry.

ChickenJalfrezi Fri 20-Oct-17 19:15:18

*DP not OP!

TidyDancer Fri 20-Oct-17 19:16:07

I think if you were a little further down the line from separating then this would be a lot simpler and you’d both be able to attend with little issue. I do think with this split being very new still, the most appropriate thing to do would be to not go. Family over friends in this instance. You’d be doing the right thing by withdrawing.

nodogsinthebedroom Fri 20-Oct-17 19:17:23

I don't think you should, for the sake of harmony of nothing else.

Send the bride and groom your apologies in a card - they should understand.

Littlechocola Fri 20-Oct-17 19:17:31

It’s great that you still get on but where does it end? You’re together or you’re not. It may end up confusing your dd in the future.
It’s his family let him get on with it but also let him be the one to explain to the wedding party.

nodogsinthebedroom Fri 20-Oct-17 19:17:40

*if nothing else

OuchBollocks Fri 20-Oct-17 19:18:07

I disagree with the above. Ask the bride. My bio uncle has divorced his wife and she is a good friend to me whereas is a cunt. His ex wife and their children are invited to family occasions. He isn't any more, cos he acted like a cunt one time too many but that's by the by.

VeganIan Fri 20-Oct-17 19:18:54

You need to talk to the bride - if she's paid for your meal and put you on the seating plan she'll be pissed off if you don't show up.

SinglePringle Fri 20-Oct-17 19:18:59

I would compromise - go to the actual wedding so you can see your daughter being the Flower Girl (are you getting her ready?) and then leave after the service / before the Wedding Breakfast.

honeylulu Fri 20-Oct-17 19:19:30

the brides expecting me and I’m friends with her
his family love me and want me there (I’ve spoken to his mum who’s expecting that I’d still go)

I would normally say don't go but given the above I think you should, unless your ex will make a scene.

SinglePringle Fri 20-Oct-17 19:21:33

Meant to add... it would also show the B&G that you support them and allow your ex some breathing space when the drinking starts (I would not want to either get drunk / be around my drunk ex in your position). It would be a respectful & graceful way of handling the situation.

IrregularCommentary Fri 20-Oct-17 19:21:47

I was going to suggest the same as Pingle. Could you go to the ceremony (sit separately from xp) so you can give the bride your congratulations and see your daughter as flower girl, but then leave and let xp have the rest of the wedding as his family do?

PeachPit Fri 20-Oct-17 19:28:56

The bride is definitely still expecting me as she asked if I was still ok on the same table as him or wanted moving. And yes the plan was for me to get DD ready, I’m part of the bridesmaids WhatsApp group so she’s been messaging about hair, socks little things like that. All of which I’ve been sorting out.

I might try speak to him again and suggest he speaks to his cousin. I really don’t want us falling out over it.

pilates Fri 20-Oct-17 19:28:58

If he feels that strongly about you going I wouldn’t. I would try and appeal to his better side and say wouldn’t DD benefit from having both parents there showing an united front?

ilovegin112 Fri 20-Oct-17 19:32:19

I wonder if he wanted to bring a plus one

PeachPit Fri 20-Oct-17 19:36:43

It crossed my mind ilovegin but our DD would be there and staying in his room. We’ve both agreed on not introducing anyone else, so I’d be pretty pissed if he did.
Plus very catholic family and I really don’t think he’d dare!!

UnicornSparkles1 Fri 20-Oct-17 19:37:18

He either wanted to bring someone or he had plans to get flirty with one of the other guests.

The bride is expecting you. Let him sulk if that's what he wants to do.

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