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To take (some of) my daughters money?

(72 Posts)
Secretsthatnevershouldbetold Fri 20-Oct-17 18:50:29

She thinks I am very unreasonable. I think it is fair. Obviously we are both convinced we are right.

Basically - she is 14 and does lots of extra curricular activities - including dance and drama. It is expensive. Every in addition to class fees, exam fees, costumes, paying to whizz her across the country and stay for a few days while she performs, I have to pay about £100 for her to be in Spotlight (sort of an acting catalogue) and get professional photos done for it. She gets maybe half a dozen or so parts as an extra each year. I have said I think it would be fair if she gave me 10% of her earnings to put towards the Spotlight fee. Each time she gets on set she gets paid £30-35 so it would be £3-3.50 of that. My reasoning is that if it is something she really wants to do then she should be prepared to contribute. If she should happen to earn enough in a year to pay the whole fee then that would be it for the year - it is just the fee I think she should contribute to.

She thinks I am almost evil, and definitely unreasonable. I am convinced I am not. Obviously.

headintheproverbial Fri 20-Oct-17 18:51:57


dinosaursandtea Fri 20-Oct-17 18:52:01

That makes sense! You’re not taking her money for yourself, you’re investing it in her work. What does she do with the rest of the money?

Aureservoir Fri 20-Oct-17 18:52:41

I agree completely with you.

Disclaimer: my DD is 14, and thinks I am evil and unreasonable, even without this particular issue.

LittleLights Fri 20-Oct-17 18:53:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky Fri 20-Oct-17 18:53:24

YANBU. Tell her to think of it as agents fees.

chitofftheshovel Fri 20-Oct-17 18:53:49

I think you are being totally reasonable.

In fact, tell her from me that she's bloody lucky I'm not her mum. If it was me I'd take the fees until the spotlight fee is paid in full and then charge petrol money as well.

WishingOnABar Fri 20-Oct-17 18:54:16

Yanbu, if she is earning from the catalogue she should contribute to the cost. In a few years she’ll be paying tax etc as well, I think you are setting a good example of how to manage money properly.

Glumglowworm Fri 20-Oct-17 18:54:17


it's money that she wouldn't have without you spending hundreds of £ of your money. 10% is very reasonable!

Telstar99 Fri 20-Oct-17 18:54:40

Yep why not? You are her 'momager' after all? grin

She is a little diva already! shock She will fit right in, in the entertainment industry! grin

Seriously, good luck to her. Hope she does well. smile

InDubiousBattle Fri 20-Oct-17 18:54:50

YANBU, of course she will think you are. She's 14, it's her job. You're still not though!

NikiBabe Fri 20-Oct-17 18:54:53

So you encouraged her to do all these activities and now want her to pay?

seven201 Fri 20-Oct-17 18:55:21

Just tell her you won't be renewing the spotlight fee next year then. Bet it costs more than £3.50 in petrol to get her there too!

Telstar99 Fri 20-Oct-17 18:55:36

Blimey, that was a lot of smilies for such a short post! blush

seasidesally Fri 20-Oct-17 18:55:56


splendidisolation Fri 20-Oct-17 18:57:22

If you don't need the money you're being a little mean IMO.

If you're hard up then YANBU.

MyBabyIsAWerewolfAhwooooo Fri 20-Oct-17 18:57:31

Yanbu. She wants to make a career, unfortunately it costs and she has to invest

NikiBabe Fri 20-Oct-17 18:58:36

it's money that she wouldn't have without you spending hundreds of £ of your money. 10% is very reasonable!

But what about parents who pay for private school? Or tutors? Or pay for uni? Imagine if parents charged their children a percentage of their wage because their parents contributed to their education?

Arguably no child would get anywhere in life without their parents spending lots of £ on them, thats why they're called dependants and its expected you're financially responsible for them.

You allowed her and encouraged her to do all these expensive hobbies.

BrieAndChilli Fri 20-Oct-17 19:00:09

I would just say you can’t afford to pay for spotlight any more, then it’s uo to her to decide if she prepared to pay £100 herself or not!

Secretsthatnevershouldbetold Fri 20-Oct-17 19:00:22

So you encouraged her to do all these activities and now want her to pay?

Well, yes and no.** I am happy to pay for her to do the activities - she enjoys them, she works really hard and she wants to use them in her adult life as a career.** So that’s fine.**

Spotlight is a bit different - I do sort of feel I am paying money to a third party so they can given money to her.** And if she wants to do that I think she should be prepared to contribute what is after all a fairly small amount.**

But her complaints of my meanest do make me question myself...

Vitalogy Fri 20-Oct-17 19:00:53

I don't think I could take the money.

HolyShet Fri 20-Oct-17 19:02:53

I think you should make her save a proportion towards the cost of her activities.
And 50% of the remainder for future - drama school/university/whatever

Vitalogy Fri 20-Oct-17 19:02:56

Is the Spotlight thing a once a year fee?

NikiBabe Fri 20-Oct-17 19:03:18

Spotlight is a bit different - I do sort of feel I am paying money to a third party so they can given money to her

That's not her fault. That's how it works. You knew that before you started putting her in there and if you morally objected never should have done so.

LonginesPrime Fri 20-Oct-17 19:05:37

This isn’t the same as most extra curricular activities. This is one where the child is earning money.

And the OP isn’t suggesting taking ‘momager’ fees - just covering the costs of promoting her DD’s ‘business’, thus getting her more work.

If my teen DCs were running a business, I’d feel like a huge mug if they were turning a tidy profit to spend on themselves yet I was pumping my hard-earned cash in to fund their business’s operating costs.


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