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To not pay towards university?

(244 Posts)
Gaggleofgirls Fri 20-Oct-17 15:54:49

Just had a very odd conversation with my mum who thinks I'm being very unreasonable to not pay towards my children's university?
Happy to be told either way so I'd love to hear anyone's take and whether you went or not yourself.

I have 3DDs, none of whom are near that age yet anyway. However I have said we will be prepared to match their savings when it comes to wedding/deposit (their choice) but for university I would expect them to cover any shortfall with work so they have the responsibility.

For background, I went to university and worked also in this way.
Mum has said that because I chose to work (I wasn't aware there was ever any alternative and I didn't want to starve!) then I essentially missed out on the university 'experience'. I don't really see uni as a necessary unless of course your chosen profession dictates it, all of my family have been to uni and not one of us has used the degree we went for.

DillyDilly Fri 20-Oct-17 15:57:24

If you can afford to contribute, then you certainly should imo.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Fri 20-Oct-17 15:59:05

You are probably old enough to have benefitted from free education.

Of course its your choice how to spend your money. Your income of course also affects their grants.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 20-Oct-17 15:59:14

Perhaps you could save this particular argument until the situation arises?

RavingRoo Fri 20-Oct-17 15:59:19

If you can afford only uni or wedding or house deposit, then uni or house deposit. Money towards wedding costs is just going down the drain in my opinion.

Tabsicle Fri 20-Oct-17 15:59:34

Bear in mind that the student finance they can receive from the government will be based on your wages and the assumption that you're making a parental contribution. Also bear in mind that many courses don't really allow for term time working (and some universities forbid it). So if you can afford to help, but don't, it's possible your DC just won't be able to go to university.

howwillthispanout Fri 20-Oct-17 15:59:56

Weddings aren't a necessity either - would contribute if I could afford (to both)

Sirrah Fri 20-Oct-17 16:00:25

You might not have a choice, depending on your income.

museumum Fri 20-Oct-17 16:00:46

The government assumes a parental contribution. Most students need that these days PLUS a p/t job and holiday work, unless they live at home.
For a child to be assessed without parental support they have to declare themselves as basically disowned. Only really appropriate if there’s a complete breakdown of the relationship.

puddingpen Fri 20-Oct-17 16:01:46

I would definitely have not got my First if I'd had to work. For me University was a steep learning curve in looking after myself. Managing my student loan + parental contribution was tough enough without having to earn the money as well! My studies would definitely have suffered. I worked through all my holidays to support myself, but never in term time. I think if you can support your children in terms of helping them get a better degree that is great. However, if it's a choice between that and helping them with a deposit, I think you could maybe give them the choice at 18.

Andylion Fri 20-Oct-17 16:02:54

This is bizarre as it suggests you think a wedding is more important than an education. (Yes, I did see that you said wedding or a deposit.)

BeingATwatItsABingThing Fri 20-Oct-17 16:04:08

Teacher training certainly didn’t allow for working at the same time. My maintenance loan didn’t even cover my halls and I was in relatively cheap accommodation.

Papafran Fri 20-Oct-17 16:04:14

so paying loads of money for a one-day party (wedding) is a necessity but going to university is not?
Why is it a choice between wedding and deposit, but not university? I would be prepared to fund university or deposit but not wedding. I can't understand how you see education as being of less value than a party. Oh and having to work part-time usually has a detrimental impact on degree results (there are some exceptions, but usually students do better if they can devote themselves to study full time).

GnomeDePlume Fri 20-Oct-17 16:04:56

Depending on course (and this doesn't just apply to medical courses) contact hours can be the same as a full time job. On top of that there's individual study.

The student loan your DCs would qualify would be calculated on your income. This year my eldest's mtce loan is less than the cost of her rent. If I didn't care whether she did well in her course then I could insist she gets a job.

Almost all science jobs expect at least graduate level education if not post graduate.

nuttybynature Fri 20-Oct-17 16:05:35

It depends whether you've been assessed by SLC to require a parental contribution. It's quite hard for students to make up the cost of the expected parental contribution if the parent refuses to pay - they can't choose to have a bigger loan. My income is low as a single mum, so I wasn't expected to pay anything towards DD's costs. I did however top up her supermarket card, and never charged board/rent when she returned for the holidays. She got a full loan, worked during holidays and also got quite generous bursaries, academic scholarships and Access to Learning funds. She's been able to save a fair bit towards travelling costs which she wants to do after leaving uni.

Bluntness100 Fri 20-Oct-17 16:05:52

I think it depends on the degree. My daughter is doing law and is aiming to be a solicitor, her degree is clearly going to be used, and she has a huge amount of debt, we financially support her also and I would not expect her to work outwith summer hols as it’s a heavy degree and there are only so many hours they can do. Even work in thr hols, her priority is vocational schemes or volunteering and paid work is of secondary importance.

I’m surprised in this day and age you Would priorities paying for a daughters wedding over her education. I’m the opposite.

Hillarious Fri 20-Oct-17 16:06:51

This Christmas, DC1 has been offered work back at the supermarket she worked in, but also has to do a dissertation for 40% of her mark this year, and prepare for exams after Christmas. I know what I'll be persuading her to focus on.

Mrskeats Fri 20-Oct-17 16:07:14

Our wedding cost less than a grand.
Partly because I have been paying rent for my kids at uni. Education is far more important than a big wedding.
You ‘don’t see uni as necessary’ even though more and more jobs that require higher qualifications. Odd.

MadamPatti Fri 20-Oct-17 16:07:58

I always worked at university and I definitely feel it affected the grade I got. I also feel that I did miss out on the whole “experience”.

Just my twopence worth.

Witsender Fri 20-Oct-17 16:08:13

Depends on your income and their degree tbh, it has changed a lot. I was able to work around mine but there is no way DH could bar a few hours of an evening delivering Dominos.

Why weddings btw?

Gaggleofgirls Fri 20-Oct-17 16:09:59

I'm actually not old enough to have benefited from free education. I had a student loan based on parents income so got the minimum amount. It didn't quite cover everything so I got work in the evenings at a bar.
My siblings are still going through it, they receive slightly more and have to pay slightly more so it's all relative really.

Not an argument just out of interest really, things like these we will need to save for so I'd rather get a head start. In terms of wedding/deposit etc these are examples that we have had to save and scrape for hence why the choice would be theirs at that time.

thecatsthecats Fri 20-Oct-17 16:10:02

The 'match savings' idea seems a bit mean to me, depending on the context. If you don't want to subsidise a kid who's spending all their money because you'll pick up the bill that's one thing, but I save more than my sister because I have double her disposable income. She needs help more than I do, not less!

Eolian Fri 20-Oct-17 16:15:22

I'd far rather pay for university than for a wedding! I had jobs during the holidays when I was a student, but there's no way my parents would have expected me to do paid work during term time! They funded me, and I hope to be able to do the same for my children.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 20-Oct-17 16:15:52

How much student debt did you end up with, OP?

Bubblebubblepop Fri 20-Oct-17 16:17:27

My parents didn't support me and I worked. Looking back i missed out. I also thought work was more
Important than it actually is, because it was essential to my life. It would've been nice to have some help to take the pressure off

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