It’s my birthday this weekend and currently on a train journey. I have been thinking about lovely surprises my children or pets have left me.
The time the family dog left a pigs ear (dog treat) in my bed when I was 7.
The once when I thought my toddler had done really well when eating a banana only to find it smushed up in my slipper which had just come out of the washing machine and was under the radiator (for a good three days)
A fantastic smelling bottle of milk found under my sons cot which had been there for god know how long.
And the time my wonderful cat had brought home a mouse and left it under the dining table next to a pile of cat vomit.
When I was a child I discovered a dead baby bird in the garden. I put it in a bed in my dolls house and forgot about it. Some days later, there was a strange rustling sound coming from the dolls house and I opened it to find it full of maggots. They were in everything in there. I have had a horror of maggots ever since.
When I was a child I found a hedgehog whilst out on my scooter I picked it up with sticks balancing underneath the hedgehog (poor hedgehog) put it on to my scooter and pushed it home to give to my mother, she put it in a large dish and took it to a nearby field
I've had a cat for a couple of months now and he's not brought me anything back...yet.
I used to live somewhere that had a Sparrowhawk in garden. I was going to the compost heap one day and must have disturbed it because I almost stepped on a pair of wood pigeon wings and what remained of the rib cage.
When I was staying in Florida a few years ago, I was cat sitting for a friend, and one of her cats had killed a two foot iguana torn it to pices and depositied all the various limbs and innards all round the house. Another friend who was staying had thrown towels over the worst carnage locked herself in her bedroom and when I got in she shouted at me through her door 'cat's done something horrific, I can't deal with it, you'll have to, you're not squeamish' - I'm not, but this was pretty gross even by my non squeamish standards
Sometimes they brought in live iguanas and the poor things would madly race round the house until I could persuade them out of a door. They aso brought in a snake on one occasion and the one that freaked me most a giant cockroach - about two inches long that sort of clicked and squeaked and hid under a cardboard box and when I lifted the box ran straight at me while i tried to hold back the cats who were depserate to get it back (I didn;t know if it was poisonous to them so was trying to shut them up while I caugh it - but you know ... herdin cats and all that !!)
Over time between dog and dozens of cats - a partridge, a pheasant, a huge black rat, dozens of mice, a mole, several vole type things, a frog, the neighbour's labouring cat, a very dead cormorant, a Scottish wildcat, and lots of smaller birds.
As a child we were playing in swing park, which had a wee train you could sit in/pretend to drive. Big enough for an adult to get in.
The 'carriage' had a giant , human sized shit on the floor. Wonderful.
Visiting a friend as a child who lived on a very unkempt and very old farmhouse.. four foot snow drifts in the back garden, which we went to play in. No one realised (or cared more likely, sadly) that the sewage system/septic tank was fucked and was pumping out shit into the garden, which was now frozen in the snow. The kids were playing in this shitty snow sewage soup stuff. Absolutely awful.
When I was a teenager I got out of the shower and on the way to bedroom I stepped in a present left by one of our dogs (very out of character, he had just started with a dodgy tum for a few days) I couldn't see it because I have always been virtually blind without my glasses on and having just got out of the shower I didn't have them on. Needless to say I was straight back in to the shower!