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To feel undermined by basically everyone?

(14 Posts)
ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 14:18:34

I am trying to raise my dc with a healthy attitude towards food. A balance of nutrition and treats. I was raised by a single mother with an eating disorder, and although I don't have any overt EDs myself, I am overweight and trying to set a good example to my dc towards food and overall health.

We live in an area where a LOT of the children at my dc's school are quite obviously eating crap on a regular basis. Every afternoon, I see the parents doling out crisps, chocolate bars, fizzy drinks, lollies, etc etc. My dc tell me about the contents of their friends' lunches, and it's basically the same stuff. shock

So this is our family culture vs influence of the outside world - their friends and neighbours think nothing of shovelling crap down their dc's throats at every opportunity (yes I am being hyperbolic but it really does feel that way sometimes!).

Although on the surface, my dh supports my efforts, he sneaks treats all the time once the dc are in bed. He has a stash that he keeps in a cupboard and pulls it out almost every night. I used to join in, so I'm not perfect

I am just getting tired of having to fight against this barrage of junk food at every turn! Friends sharing with the dc (how sweet!), cakes being doled out at school (leftovers from various charity fundraisers, for example), neighbours bringing bags of sweets for the children when they visit (how can I say no to them?!), and with Christmas on its way I just feel like everything is going to ramp up to the nth degree.

My eldest dc is 14 and her bed time is later than the little ones. Dh has now started sharing his stash with her and I am pretty furious about it. I've spoken to him before about NOT FEEDING HER JUNK but last night they had bowls of icecream before I could come down after settling the baby to bed again.


Dh is overweight, doesn't care. I'm overweight, but working damn hard to change things (was doing great before baby came along, so at least there's a good reason, but spent many years "obese" before making an effort). Our dc are normal weight, but I am well aware that I can't control what they eat outside of the home and it is so frustrating to have to undo all the damage that other people inflict on them.

Like I said before, I'm not against a treat once in a while. But this is turning into a daily, often twice daily thing! I can't even treat my own children when we go out or have a fun night in, because they've already had a constant influx of sugar and junk for the past week and a half that I have no control over.

tl;dr - I feel like I'm the only person in my dc's lives that actually cares about their long-term health and wants them to have a normal relationship with food. No obsessive EDs. Not being overweight. Enjoying good food and realising that treats should only be eaten once in a while, not once (or more) a day!!

ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 16:24:15

Ah, looks like I am the only one then!

user1497357411 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:23:03

I am sorry to hear this. It is very hard when other people in the household are against your efforts to eat healthy food/ have healthy eating habits. I don't know what you can do if you have talked to both your DH and your DC about it.

0hDeer Fri 20-Oct-17 17:25:40

I think your 14 year old will do better to regulate her own snacks etc. Are any of the children on the round side?

Motherbear26 Fri 20-Oct-17 17:57:00

I completely agree. Junk food is everywhere and it isn’t a treat anymore. It’s really difficult to have any influence on your kids diet when they have school lunches (with pudding every day) and I don’t want to be that awful mum that won’t let the kids have an ice cream or hot chocolate when we’re out for the day. My dh is constantly bringing rubbish into the house, in fact just this evening he’s announced we’re having pizza (I’m feeling very under the weather and haven’t cooked but we do have lots of easy to cook fresh food in the fridge).

I know where you’re coming from, but I’ve found that the best thing to do is lead by example. I won’t have the pizza. I ensure I cook healthy meals (except when I’m ill like today!). I exercise and try and encourage the kids to come along (no hope with dh though). Most of the time the kids will eat the junk, but very occasionally they’ll make the healthy choice and I’m proud that they’ve decided on their own.

I actually worry about pushing it too much as I don’t ever want them to feel bad about what they are eating, even if it isn’t the healthiest option. I do pull dh up on his choices sometimes though. Not in terms of what he eats, that’s his choice, but in terms of trying to encourage the children to make good choices by not having junk food readily available at home. He now agrees (in principle) on keeping junk food as a treat when we go out instead.

ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 19:44:37

DC are healthy weights - been checked at gp etc.

Thanks for the encouragement! Motherbear I shall take a leaf out of your book and focus on being a good example. I must admit I had a bit of a meltdown last week when dh brought home a tray of cupcakes from work. Aaarrrgghh! I feel embarrassed now for kicking up such a fuss but he did bin them.

PurpleGrapePip Fri 20-Oct-17 20:15:32

I'm completely with you. I once mentioned in a post on here that we don't give my DSD sweets or junk food as standard, its very rare (as in i cant actually remember the last time I bought her sweets or crisps) and I had all sorts of responses - a lot saying my DSD will resent me later in life for being so joyless about food. Which is ridiculous because I feed her bloody delicious food, it's just also healthy. DSD are both overweight and DH doesn't have a sweet tooth so we just dont have the shit food in the house.

ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 21:22:20

How frustrating - joyless??! There's more to life than junk food. Gah.

Lurkedforever1 Fri 20-Oct-17 21:41:29

You can't avoid junk food, and neither can dc. Especially the teen. They can however learn to eat it in moderation.

Having sweets from the neighbours or from school doesn't mean you need to cram the whole lot in at once, alongside desert and some sugary snacks on a daily basis. Of all the people I know, children and adult alike, those who view junk as a forbidden fruit have just as many issues as those who have always ate unhealthily.

ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 22:12:20

It's the constant drip-drip-drip from everyone around us, though, Lurked. I don't ban the stuff, just want to limit it a bit more! Everyone seems to think "it's just the one" but when it comes at us from every direction, it certainly isn't just the one!

Trust me, treats are not forbidden. I don't stop them from having them, but I do grumble over how often they are given it.

It's quite difficult to teach moderation when nobody else seems to care!!

sailorcherries Fri 20-Oct-17 22:14:49

I feel the exact same way. I am trying really hard with my DS and ensure he has 3 healthy, balanced meals a day.
I let him have a treat each day (fun sized chocolate bar, a few sweets etc) but I offer this with something healthier (yogurt covered strawberries, yogurt and fruit). It's his choice and he doesn't pick thw treat quite as often.

If other people offer things I also let him make the decision of having it then or waiting until later. If he has it at that moment then no treats later.

It let's him regulate his own eating habits and will, hopefully, allow him to make better choices in the future.

RemainOptimistic Fri 20-Oct-17 22:26:59

Sugar is literally poison. Just because it's socially acceptable doesn't make it healthy, sensible, or even a good idea!

My DH is the same just constant "treats". It's exhausting being the only one who seems to care about the long term health of the family. How about sitting down together to watch that documentary on sugar?

ownedbySWD Fri 20-Oct-17 22:32:19

RemainOptimistic I think it's definitely time for a refresher for the whole family; I've been on a crusaide against sugar for years now.

PlipPlopPlip Fri 20-Oct-17 22:33:35

I remember in Primary school every week my son being handed the Ugh! All through primary school every week - the cheapest sugary sweet rubbish plus explosive poppers! by the parents of the other kids - "a party bag" WITH NO F****** PARTY! Sorry wine.

But lots of good posts here about how to be moderate and normal (as possible) about food at home.

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