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Toddler trouble

(12 Posts)
Overreaction1 Fri 20-Oct-17 13:56:00

Mum and toddlers last week with ds age 2.
Another child about 3 tries to take a toy off him ds holds on, other mother intervenes and directs other child away. Fair enough.
Fast forward ten minutes ds tries to grab a toy off the same other child. Other child holds on. I go over to intervene and ds grabs other child's bobble in her hair, I don't think he was trying to pull hair as such it was something to get leverage for the toy I think. However that's not to make an excuse and it is bad behaviour. I pick up ds and ask him to apologise to the other child and apologise on his behalf and ask the other child if they are ok (which they were).
Other mother (who was on her phone at that point) however storms over shouting at my Ds repeatedly pointing at him and making a huge fuss. Everyone is looking at us.
She then walks off smirking to herself and pulling a face at the other parents.
Aibu to think if the other parent is there intervening and disciplining their child, then you dont get involved with telling off the other child.
I'm shocked as I wouldn't speak to someone else's dc like this unless the parent was not doing anything to discipline them. Even then I'd probably just move ds away. He has been the target of numerous kids at playgroup hitting out and I feel it's just toddler behaviour to a degree, as long as parents are dealing with it and encouraging an apology/explaining why it's wrong.
I don't want to go back to playgroup this week as I feel annoyed at myself for not confronting the mother for shouting at my ds and everyone was looking at us. Or do you think she had a point and I need to accept it?

Wetwashing00 Fri 20-Oct-17 14:02:04

I completely agree with you, if another adult is already dealing with the situation then I would leave them to it, and say thank you.
There has been occasions where I felt the parent has laughed it off instead of explaining to child that it is wrong, and once a parent just kept asking the child the stop touching my daughters hair when she was clearly grabbing it and hurting her. So I did step in and remove the childs fist from my daughters hair.

Overreaction1 Fri 20-Oct-17 14:08:09

Thanks wetwashing. I know no one wants to see their dc get hurt and that's where I can see her point but It just seems she was more like a bully than any of the dc yelling at someone else's toddler like that. I wish I had pulled her on it and I might have felt better about going back this afternoon but as I didn't I feel scared to go in thinking other people might think it was me not watching and disciplining ds properly so she had to step in.

babsthebuilder Fri 20-Oct-17 14:09:01

I’ve only ever bollocked intervened another kid when the parent made no attempt to stop their toddler throwing toys at my 1 yr old. I find other people’s kids and parents very anxiety provoking 😱😱😱 I’d be mortified if I was in your shoes. I completely agree with you.

Eminado Fri 20-Oct-17 14:12:44

If she was on the phone did she actually see what had happened? I suspect not, hence the overreaction.

I wouldn’t let that put you off going though, if you and your child like the group.

Overreaction1 Fri 20-Oct-17 14:19:02

Good point emindo.
I'm not sure may look for somewhere else for a while. I think it was the smirking to herself and pulling a face to other parents that really threw me, I was thinking about who goes on like that about toddlers. But then I thought maybe I was being unreasonable I don't know!
I hope they other parents were just thinking the other mother was batshit crazy rather than judging me!

happygirly1 Fri 20-Oct-17 14:26:44

It's always hard to see your child being hit but it does come part and parcel with toddlers. They often hit out and it's our job to teach them not to. Therefore when it happens with my DD, whilst it turns my gut to watch it happen and not intervene, I will always let the other parent deal with it if they seem to be.

I will comfort DD if she needs it but I'll normally only intervene if other parent isn't. But even then, it's likely to be a "oh that's not nice come on now we don't hit" whilst removing my DD from the situation as opposed to screaming at a toddler who hasn't yet learned how to deal with frustration.

I wouldn't let it stop you from going to the playgroup but I wouldn't feel the need to bring it up with her.

If it happens again: "I'm dealing with his behaviour, I don't need your assistance. It's a toddler spat, the only thing guaranteed after death and taxes so let's have a bit of perspective. You comfort your child if she's been traumatised and I'll continue to deal with my DS".

Might give her catsbumface though, you have been warned. grin

baffledcoconut Fri 20-Oct-17 14:33:00

Find your people. On the whole the group I go to are all very relaxed and let them get on with it most of the time.

‘Feral aren’t they?’
‘Yup’
‘Tea?’
‘Milk no sugar, thanks’

Toddlers are feral. And the mothers that make an issue of other kids are in denial.

Crack on, you’re fine.

Wetwashing00 Fri 20-Oct-17 16:45:52

Definitely go back, brush it off.

TheKidsAreTakingMySanity Fri 20-Oct-17 16:57:12

I used to run a playgroup and you do have those badly "parented" children (aka little thugs that are even encouraged to snatch and bully) and I fully support when another parent eventually loses it and gives the child a much needed bollocking. However, yelling at a child that's already being dealt with by their responsible adult? Nope. I would have yelled back at the mother.

Please don't let it put you off. And when you do go back, make sure to very loudly draw attention to the other child when they inevitably try to snatch off yours again.

"Well that's just awful behaviour! Your child is a good year older than mine! That's terrible! Really!!" ::clutches pearls:: And so on and so on. Don't let her make out that yours is some feral thug who isn't disciplined.

All toddlers have not so good behaviour on occasion. Even hers.

Overreaction1 Fri 20-Oct-17 22:18:46

Thank you. I think I will miss a week or two then go back. I may try one or two other groups meanwhile. Glad to hear that it seems most people would find her unreasonable. I was thinking maybe it was me!

WorzelsCornyBrows Fri 20-Oct-17 22:26:34

My rule is if the other parent is dealing with it satisfactorily I stay out of it, if not, I will take my child away (and probably direct a passive aggressive remark in the direction of the parent if they're doing nothing).

I think you can probably find a nicer playgroup, that sounds horrible.

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