Does anyone else have otherwise decent partners who are totally shit at birthdays?

[CocoDeMoll]

Every single year I remind him it's coming up. That I like cards and presents. I like a fuss made of me for one day in a year and every year he lets me down.

This year I even pre-emptied the present situation by ordering myself something beautiful and within budget, had it delivers to the house a week ago and he was relieved I'd done that. I told him it'd be really sweet if he could wrap it and give it to me on the day.

Today I've had no card (he's buying one later), the package is still sitting where I left it unwrapped and I just feel a bit fucked off by this. He knows I love all the superficial gifting stuff.

I just came down to find a pink envelope and some gorgeous flowers and got excited. He said our neighbour had just dropped them round.

[LapinR0se]

Mine is exactly the same. Exactly.

[CocoDeMoll]

Also I bet he thinks the 'flowers aspect' is covered now thanks to the neibour s gift.

My dd even went to get 11p out of her money box when she saw me opening cards at breakfast

[NoCanoe]

Happy birthday!!!
But, sadly familiar. I don't necessarily want faff and glitz but something with a bit of thought would be appreciated. I have officially given up and he's taken that as a 'whew, that's brilliant' outcome.

[SleepingBooty]

Yes same here. I'm done with the disappointment and now spoil myself very year.

[CocoDeMoll]

Thanks . I know there are other partners like that out there. I'd be blaming myself if I did the whole fake 'I don't mind' thing but I've made it clear before I do appreciate the little things.

[Chchchchangeabout]

Yes. I just buy my own gifts and jewellery. He's lovely and he loves me, and being unmaterialistic is something I also value in him.

Might be worth looking at the idea of love languages to help explain it to him, and also see if he expresses his love in different ways. This helped me feel he cared but just expressed it in different ways.

[MadisonAvenue]

Happy Birthday!

My husband is just the same, it's not confined to birthdays either. Christmas, anniversary, Mothers Day when the children were too young to go shopping under their own steam...all the same.

Having said that, he decided to make an effort this year on my birthday and bought me some chocolates, flowers and a card. I do tend to spoil myself and get my own present though now

[thecatsthecats]

My fiance is lovely. Really thoughtful and considerate about things I say - picks up on things and acts upon them.

Fecking hopeless at gifts, which is REALLY confusing, given how good he normally is at listening and acting upon my likes and dislikes. Because my birthday and Christmas are close together, I start to mention things I like. Ooh, I'd love to see a show. Ooh, that looks delicious. I could really do with this. Nada. Then he gets things that are either a) very 'bitty' - e.g. lots of things for a fiver, because he couldn't commit to buying one nice thing, or b) very generic - even something somebody else got me the year before that I haven't actually bothered using yet...

I know he tries, and I am grateful, but it's just baffling. I'm honestly not that hard to please.

One thing I have insisted upon this year is that he has the items bought and wrapped two days before my birthday. It's always upsetting when I have to sit around waiting for him to wrap them on my actual birthday, only for me to unwrap them anyway two minutes later. Even if it's another 'off' present, I'll get to feel like he's prepared about it rather than feeling like an afterthought.

BIRTHDAYS ARE NOT SURPRISE EVENTS! Gah.

[DeleteOrDecay]

Mine is similar although he does try. It’s the gifts, sometimes he’s just way off the mark. For example last year he got me a new razor for my birthday which IMO isn’t really something you give as a gift unless it’s a posh one. I didn’t say anything though as I don’t want to be ungrateful. He doesn’t do cards either which is frustrating actually because gift giving isn’t about you, it’s about the person you’re giving too and surely if that person likes cards then the thoughtful thing to do is to get them one?

[Viewofhedges]

My dh is a wonderful, kind man who shows his love in so many ways. But presents. Oh god. I had a big birthday 6 months ago, he got me precisely nothing and I have just bought myself what we agreed he would get for me. He watched while I ordered - and I paid. I don't think it occurred to him that he might do so.

I have though about it a lot (since the tiny box I got excited about one year was definitely not a ring!!) but his family are also rubbish at gifts so I just don't think he gets it. The fact that he is so kind in every other area sort of feels like an ok trade off. Well, that's what I tell myself!

Basically for my 40th I got one book from my mum and a woolly hat from my sister, and nothing from anyone else! 🙄 he did write a very very sweet card though.

[HeteronormativeHaybales]

Here.

One year in about 5 or 6 he's good.

I bought myself a couple of things I needed in advance of my 40th and said they could be my presents. That meant he felt justified in getting me nothing on the day. Not even a tiny thing to unwrap. On my 40th. And I'd asked him to get the dc to do me something and he let them scribble something for 10 mins (they are older and capable of much more) and that was it.

I'd been disappointed many times by him before but we had talked about this, I'd had a very tough few months, he knew it was important to me and tbh I was heartbroken. I'm still not quite over it 7 months later

But he is genuinely fantastic in most other ways. Works hard, more than pulls his weight at home, supportive, very involved father.

[chickensandbees]

Me too. Sometimes he is amazing when he can think what to get me, other times completely rubbish.

He refuses to buy me stuff he thinks I don't "need" even if I would like it.

He usually leaves it till the last minute (classic xmas eve shopper).

A few years ago I gave him an anniversary card and he said "oh are we still doing that."...I think it was eight years in.

Last xmas I got nothing, which really hacked me off as I have to do everything for xmas and he only has to get one person a present...me, and he didn't.

But in most other ways he is great and some people just don't get the importance....so I try not to let it bug me!!