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AIBU to be upset that my husband is going away to a sporting event when I am 38weeks pregnant.

(42 Posts)
Youaremyfavourite Fri 20-Oct-17 11:57:50

For context, my husband is a loving, supportive and wonderful man and the best father to our toddler.

A while ago my father and brother invited my husband to a sporting event which will take him away over night and for a full 24hours. This event is a 5 hour min drive from our home in London. My husband is constantly teased by my family for being under my thumb and so always feels pressure to say yes to invitations of this nature to be included and so that we won't have the piss taken out of us (my father and brother are jokers but it is meant with love and they really get on with my husband). Any way the problem is that when he was invited we knew we were pregnant but it seemed such a long way away we agreed that he should say yes and go and have fun. Now I am 38weeks pregnant, I spent last night in hospital with stomach pains and I am suddenly feeling very insecure about him going. Not only will him and all my family be over 5 hours away but I will be at home with my toddler alone. If anything happens tonight I am terrified that he won't be able to get back in time and he will miss the birth and that my toddler will have to witness me in pain. AIBU to suddenly want him to not go, the tickets for this event cost a lot and it would mean my father would be out of pocket with it also being too late for him to invite somebody else.
I don't know... part of me feels cross that my dad asked my husband when he knew how pregnant I would be and another part feels cross that my husband said yes. However I should be cross with myself because I did also agree to it ages ago and am only now feeling the panic! Don't know what to do and don't want to resent anyone if there is a bad outcome. Some advice please..

PuppyMonkey Fri 20-Oct-17 12:00:20

You spent last night in hospital? Of course he shouldn't go.

MonkeyJumping Fri 20-Oct-17 12:01:16

Of course he shouldn't go. It's insane (and deeply irresponsible) to leave you alone at this point.

bookwormnerd Fri 20-Oct-17 12:03:19

He shouldent go especially since you have just been in hospital, surely your family and husband would see it would be unreasonable to go.

MargoLovebutter Fri 20-Oct-17 12:04:51

Have you talked to your DH about how you are feeling at the moment?

M4Dad Fri 20-Oct-17 12:06:49

Yeah, he shouldn't go, talk to him and tell him you're panicking, I bet he drops the event instantly.

Luncharmstrong Fri 20-Oct-17 12:21:56

I don’t think you should stop him going.
It’s only 24 hours.
In the unlikely event you go into labour , is there a friend who can look after your toddler?

abbsisspartacus Fri 20-Oct-17 12:24:20

Friends are usually more reliable in these situations

Writerwannabe83 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:27:38

When I was coming up 37 weeks pregnant my DH went to turkey for two weeks with our other child.

As long as he doesn't drink then an overnight stay somewhere shouldn't really be an issue. I do understand why you are worried though flowers

TittyGolightly Fri 20-Oct-17 12:31:33

Mine went to a sporting event (he was participating in) 10 days before DD's due date. He was 7 hours away by car, camping in a field with no mobile reception and uncontactable for 6 hours during the event itself. I wasn't worried (but I also hadn't spent a night in hospital).

DD had to be forcefully evicted 2 weeks after her due date, so there wasn't any issue.

Redsquirrel88 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:34:43

Sorry to hear about your predicament. I would feel exactly the same. Yes everything could be fine and you may not need to go to hospital again, but it might. He should come to the decision himself that he shouldn't go and do the right thing. If he goes and all is Well, no regrets. But if he does and something does happen, he's going to feel pretty bad especially as you say he is loving and supportive. It also means you being worse and more anxious without him. You might even accidentally stress yourself out enough that you end up back in hospital- through stress! He should not want to go himself and consider what might be. Would he want to risk potentially missing the birth of his second child too bro g so far away. Yes Labour might last more than 5 hours but the motorway get closed for all sorts of reasons. But you can have too many opinions. You meed to do what's right in your heart and for both of you, and the kids. Good luck xx

perfectionistchaos Fri 20-Oct-17 12:54:46

Second labours are usually much faster then first. I know a lot of women who went from first twinge to a baby in their arms in less than 5 hours. Realistically if things kick off when he's away there isn't much chance of him getting back in time. sad

Are you worried about being blamed as a "stupid neurotic woman" if he goes and nothing happens? You've been in hospital and have a toddler and you're 38 weeks pregnant. It really is ok to put yourself first and to expect everyone else to do the same.

orangeowls Fri 20-Oct-17 12:56:36

I had my baby at 38 weeks, he would be very silly to go. My husband stopped traveling with work at 35 weeks.

BeALert Fri 20-Oct-17 12:59:28

Who will look after the toddler if you have to go back into hospital?

Luncharmstrong Sat 21-Oct-17 12:06:35

What was the outcome ?

TerrifyingFeistyCupcake Sat 21-Oct-17 12:09:11

I'm normally in favour of women (and dads) carrying on as normal into late pregnancy, but in this specific set of circumstances I think he'd be batshit to go.

kaytee87 Sat 21-Oct-17 12:35:57

Even if you weren’t pregnant and were in hospital for something else the fact is you were hospitalised overnight and have a toddler to look after so in this case he should stay home so you can rest.

Mrskeats Sat 21-Oct-17 12:38:19

Of course he shouldn’t go.
No-brainer for me

confusedlittleone Sat 21-Oct-17 16:22:22

100% he shouldn't go, selfish test

confusedlittleone Sat 21-Oct-17 16:22:37


Finola1step Sat 21-Oct-17 16:25:26

So, how's it going?

aaaaargghhhhelpme Sat 21-Oct-17 16:28:21

Who looked after your toddler while you spent the night in hospital?

If there is no one else around if (heavens forbid, highly unlikely, I'm just saying worst case scenario!!) you need to go to hospital again while he's away then no he shouldn't go.

Is there anyone else around who can support you?

But yes at 38 weeks it's questionable whether I'd have accepted an overnight offer in the first place.

Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel? Especially after the hospital visit?

Bruceishavingfish Sat 21-Oct-17 16:31:19

No he shouldn't go.

But tbh i think its shit he feels preasured because your family tale the piss out of him. Coming from a place of love, is bollocks.

If a woman was being pressured by her in laws, no one would say it was ok because it was coming from a place of love.

But that can all be sorted later. He needs to not go and your family need to relause he needs to be at hime and not take the piss.

ineedaholidaynow Sat 21-Oct-17 16:35:43

I wouldn't want DH to go in these circumstances.

If you are worried about DF being out of pocket, you should offer to pay for the ticket, especially as you are now doubting the wisdom of accepting the invitation in the first place.

XiCi Sat 21-Oct-17 16:35:51

Have you spoken to your DH about this? I can't believe anyone would fuck off 5 hours away after their heavily pregnant wife had just been in hospital. You'd have to be a complete twat to do that. And tbh my dad would be telling my DH to stay, not trying to drag him across the country!

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