Talk

Advanced search

Husband spends all his time with his mother

(28 Posts)
user1498912461 Fri 20-Oct-17 09:49:52

DH's mother is around all the time, she is at our house almost every day. When I am in work she is over from early in the morning and still there when get home. It's my day off today and he's meeting her for a coffee then they are both taking our DD out for dinner later. (I haven't been included). He will also spend the whole weekend with her as I'm away with our other child. AIBU to think this is too much? DH and I have fallen out as I remarked that I'm surprised he has anything left to say to his mother as he sees her so much!

SomethingNewToday Fri 20-Oct-17 09:52:16

Yeah that's odd.

I would stamp out the situation with them making plans with your dc and leaving you out right now, that would be the main thing that bothered me.

CoraPirbright Fri 20-Oct-17 09:54:34

I guess its good that they are close confused but it is absolutely not on to exclude you! Was it suggested that you join them and you couldnt make it? Or was it just presented as a fait accompli? What are you going to do whilst they are out?

Hulder Fri 20-Oct-17 09:55:46

It's odd. Is she always around in your couple time as well?

Even our forefathers thought this a bit odd - a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.

You don't need to cut off your parents at the roots but for a healthy marriage there should be some leaving and cleaving.

HouseworkIsAPain Fri 20-Oct-17 09:57:14

Is your DH a SAHD? Is he offloading the childcare and/or housework to his mum?

I’d be concerned that he’s not spending quality time with the DC on their own and using his mum as childcare. Which could be fair enough if he struggles and needs support though.

lurkingnotlurking Fri 20-Oct-17 10:20:02

Oh yes. Yanbu

RedHelenB Fri 20-Oct-17 10:23:50

I know plenty of women like this with their mothers, particularly when the children are young.

StormTreader Fri 20-Oct-17 10:24:48

Why havent you been included in taking your DD out for dinner?

Anecdoche Fri 20-Oct-17 10:28:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LongWavyHair Fri 20-Oct-17 10:29:39

It's only like women spending all their time with their mums. That's seen as acceptable though.

AndrewJames Fri 20-Oct-17 10:32:12

It's only like women spending all their time with their mums. That's seen as acceptable though

That would be equally as odd.

BertrandRussell Fri 20-Oct-17 10:32:59

Why aren't you included in the dinner?

And meeting her for coffee on your day off is odd- what happened when you asked him about it?

But I can't see why them keeping each other company while you're at work is a problem.

Pickleypickles Fri 20-Oct-17 10:47:28

Has it always been like this?
If it has then i dont understand the issue because you marries him knowing this.
If it hasnt then i would be asking why the sudden change?
My mum struggled with this with her mum for a little bit after her dad died. Has a big wvent happened or anything that could of truggered the change? Maybe she just needs some more support atm.

Pickleypickles Fri 20-Oct-17 10:47:31

Has it always been like this?
If it has then i dont understand the issue because you marries him knowing this.
If it hasnt then i would be asking why the sudden change?
My mum struggled with this with her mum for a little bit after her dad died. Has a big wvent happened or anything that could of truggered the change? Maybe she just needs some more support atm.

Pickleypickles Fri 20-Oct-17 10:48:02

Sorry dont know why that posted twice.

CountDuckulaTheSqueaky Fri 20-Oct-17 10:48:47

Tell him to move back in with her.

BertrandRussell Fri 20-Oct-17 10:52:36

Or maybe he's lonely at home and he needs her support?

AndrewJames Fri 20-Oct-17 10:54:43

Or maybe he's lonely at home and he needs her support?

All day near;y every day? That's a lot of support. Is she doing everything instead of him?

CardinalCat Fri 20-Oct-17 11:05:53

Is there a cultural reason for this level of closeness?

One side of my family is Italian and it is culturally quite normal for people to spend a lot of time with their parents, even after they have married. I see my parents every day. I wish my DP would see more of his (although tbf they live on the other side of the country).

I think it's lovely that he and your DD are so close to her, however find it somewhat odd that you have been excluded from dinner. Does that not upset you (or are you just relieved to get some downtime?)

just5morepeas Fri 20-Oct-17 11:06:17

* It's only like women spending all their time with their mums. That's seen as acceptable though.*

I spend a lot of time with my Mum as with leave near each other and she sees her Grandchildren often.

But I don't see her everyday/all day or multiple times on the same day. That is weird. I don't see my DP that much and I live with him!

Does your dh work op? Has it always been like this or is this a sudden change? Has there been a change for either of them recently - feeling lonely, needing support for something?

just5morepeas Fri 20-Oct-17 11:07:34

*we live not with leave

Didiusfalco Fri 20-Oct-17 11:18:09

Sounds odd. Why are you away with your other child rather than him being with the other child or all of you together?

AussieGrrl Fri 20-Oct-17 11:34:27

Is his name Norman?

SmileSunshine Fri 20-Oct-17 11:52:32

Presuming your DH is an adult so he can decide who he spends his time with whilst you are apart. As long as you MIL isn't meddling in your relationship why do they need to limit how much time they spend together when you are not there? It is nice to hear of a son who doesn't automatically cut off his mother as soon as he enters a romantic relationship/gets married. It's no wonder so many mothers of boys/men despair reading threads like this and there is so much friction between so many MIL/DIL. Who said you can't go to the meal or are you expecting them to explicitly ask you to go?

CountDuckulaTheSqueaky Fri 20-Oct-17 12:59:40

My mum and I were NC for 9 years. Since she got back in touch she's been very clingy. The DC and I have things to do. We can't be at her beck and call constantly.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: