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To be shocked at way some men view their wives

(30 Posts)
JaceLancs Fri 20-Oct-17 09:24:57

Sat in a coffee shop waiting to meet a colleague just now
2 men at an adjoining table talking about going away on a golfing weekend
Man A asked man B if his wife was ok with being left at home (again) presumably looking after their DC, costs of said weekend were also mentioned
The reply was basically a politer version of that she should put up, shut up and put out
It wasn’t particularly what was said it was the impression that she was viewed as a commodity, he even talked about her smoking and drinking habits like he was commenting on an employees failings
Up to that point he had come across like Mr average respectable business man
Thankfully they left as I was very tempted to comment in some way (I’m old enough these days not to care about what response I would get - and am known for being fairly bold how)
It was just the everyday acceptance of the gulf between the sexes that hit me
Hope his wife is ok

JaceLancs Fri 20-Oct-17 09:25:47

That was bolshy not bold!

specialsubject Fri 20-Oct-17 10:22:56

I'm shocked that some women marry and breed with arseholes. The lesson is not to do that.

Hopefully she will dump him - but there's nothing you can do about it.

Nettletheelf Fri 20-Oct-17 10:40:22

I expect that he was showboating for his friend's benefit. Silly sod.

blackteasplease Fri 20-Oct-17 10:44:11

Show boating that he was a dickhead? But only a dickhead would want to do that!

JaceLancs Fri 20-Oct-17 10:58:00

What a lovely expression ‘show boating’ I will be borrowing that one!
Although the other bloke didn’t challenge him - he didn’t look too impressed with the comments which did cheer me slightly

NoCryLilSoftSoft Fri 20-Oct-17 10:59:18

Really? You’re shocked? Have you lived in a different world until now?

Nettletheelf Fri 20-Oct-17 11:00:28

Agreed, but I expect that he was keen to show his friend that he wasn't 'under his wife's thumb'. Because there are only two options, you see. Under your wife's thumb or swaggering sexist.

MargaretTwatyer Fri 20-Oct-17 11:01:40

He sounds a charmer but his wife doesn't sound much better. Can't be much fun being married to a heavy drinker. And I don't think a smoker has any right to complain if their partner spends money on healthy leisure pursuits.

WorraLiberty Fri 20-Oct-17 11:03:24

A lot of men do treat their wives and partners like shit, yes most definitely.

But you've assume a lot from that conversation...about the fact she'll be looking after the kids (if they have any) and for all we know, her drinking and smoking could be costing them a fortune, so why shouldn't he spend money on his hobby.

I'm glad you didn't comment, as it's none of your business and you could have made a complete tit of yourself.

NoCryLilSoftSoft Fri 20-Oct-17 11:05:01

It doesn’t say the wife is a heavy drinker or complained about his leisure pursuits.

PoeDameronLovesFinn Fri 20-Oct-17 11:10:00

If this shocks you then for goodness' sake don't look at some of the threads about husbands on this site. Some of the language used by women to describe husbands/partners would turn your hair white.

Autumnfalling Fri 20-Oct-17 11:12:58

Always amazed at the shock of how men really are.

One bloke at work refers to her indoors “stirring the beans in her tracksuit” as a reason to go out on the piss all the time.

Another talks about “credits” he has to earn to be allowed to go out and golf/drink/live the life he actually wants without bothering with wifework. Credits are putting kids to bed, helping out, spending the day with his kids. All a means to an end of doing what he wants.

Cunts to a man

MargaretTwatyer Fri 20-Oct-17 11:15:45

If he complained about his wife's drinking the implication is she's a heavy drinker. And the OP says that they were discussing if she had complained about the cost. She might not have complained, but there's certainly the implication there that if she didn't it's because she had no right to because of her spending on her own habits.

It's interesting, some people will get very angry about women being badly treated in a relationship. But apparently here we have a man who is complaining to a friend about his wife's behaviour and apparently he should be shutting up and covering up her behaviour because otherwise he is treating his wife 'like an employee'.

The 'putting out' comment is pretty horrible, but the OP does say it was politer and she has exaggerated it for effect. He might be quite unpleasant bringing the sex into it, but essentially he's confiding in his friend about what sounds like a pretty unpleasant relationship from all sides. I suppose there is the possibility that she drinks one glass of wine a week, but realistically it doesn't really sound like it.

Slimthistime Fri 20-Oct-17 11:16:44

I'm with Germaine Greer on this one, a lot of women don't realise how much men hate them

When I was growing up, the running "joke" was that WIFE = washing, ironing, fucking, etc

I think it's still applicable in many cases now.

NoCryLilSoftSoft Fri 20-Oct-17 11:17:46

If he complained about his wife's drinking the implication is she's a heavy drinker.

No, implication being he has a problem with her drinking. Not necessarily that she is a heavy drinker.

whiskyowl Fri 20-Oct-17 11:28:47

I think shock is the right response. Just because it's common doesn't mean we shouldn't be fucking outraged by these pigs.

BigFactHunt Fri 20-Oct-17 11:29:12

Some men say exaggerated things about their OHs to their friends, as do some women. For every story you could relay about men talking about their wives, you could find something equally appealing on MN with women talking about their husbands.

Neither is right, but it’s sexist of you to make this an anti-male thread when you could easily have been gender neutral and written “To be shocked at how some people talk about their OHs”.

whiskyowl Fri 20-Oct-17 11:44:48

I've never seen a thread on Mumsnet where a woman says a bloke should put up, shut up and put out! Never.

Schtinkay Fri 20-Oct-17 11:50:03

Oh come on.

We all know that many men treat their wives/partners terribly and that a fair percentage of men have a low opinion of women full stop.

Why can we never have a thread about this without posters coming on to see "oh but women too..."? Must we always point out the bleeding obvious that some women don't behave admirably either?

It wouldn't happen with roles reversed on a male-driven site.

0liveGreen Fri 20-Oct-17 12:01:35

I’d be interested how the bloke who asked the question reacted. If he had an extremely low opinion of women he probably wouldn’t have asked the question. Were they friends or colleagues? How strong did he think their friendship was. It takes a lot more confidence to challenge someone in real life than on the internet.

It doesn’t detract from the total arseish behaviour of the other bloke.

JaceLancs Fri 20-Oct-17 12:02:33

It’s hard to get across the feeling behind the conversation - in answer to one or two posts above I’m not easily shocked quite the reverse and do read many similar threads on here - but somehow this was way beyond anything I’ve ever come across
As I said it’s very hard to describe - perhaps as another poster said some men really do hate women - in which case why marry?
Obviously I wasn’t going to relate the entire conversation, but yes there were DC that she would be looking after whilst he was away golfing - not unusual at all - it was the way he spoke about her that shocked me

NoCryLilSoftSoft Fri 20-Oct-17 12:08:58

in which case why marry?

Because women are very useful. Look at the post above for example which states “WIFE= washing, ironing, fucking, etc.” The etc isn’t small stuff. It’s the cooking, the child rearing, the admin, the cleaning, the mental work. Wives are staff that you don’t have to pay, respect, speak professionally to. Added bonus, you get to use their vaginas whenever you like.

You think I’m joking? You’ve just described the man who thinks like this in your OP.

brasty Fri 20-Oct-17 12:40:03

Yes a good number of men do not respect their wives at all.

JemimaLovesHamble Fri 20-Oct-17 14:35:28

I've sat near some horrible men on the morning commute, comparing last nights client-impressing strippers' boobs to their wives', sneering about any/all women they work with. Sometimes I'd walk to work wondering why they even bothered with women when they seemed to hate them so much and love their male friends so much...

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