8am too early?

[Theregoesmyliein]

DS (10)went for a sleepover last night as it's the school holidays. All arranged and made a nice change to us always hosting (DS has various mates staying over most weekends/holidays) and the kids will leave after lunch the next day.
We were having a nice lie in as we are off work for the school hols and heard a knocking a little after 8am. Turns out DS has been dropped off home! No behaviour issues or wanting to go home, just the hosts were going out today.
Aibu in thinking it's a bit bloody early? Sleepovers usually go on pretty late into the night as they won't shut up and go to sleep and the kids sleep in later. DS is shattered and was dumped on our doorstep so early. What if we hadn't heard him knocking (it did take some door hammering by him to rouse us). Or what if we hadn't been here for some reason - okay, less likely but still, it could happen seeing that we weren't expecting him back for quite a few hours.
AIBU? Or overreacting because I'm slightly grumpy at the early fright with the door banging?

[maddiemookins16mum]

Yes, too early unless previously informed/arranged. Drop off from here is 11am/noon, after a lie in and pancakes for breakfast

[Laiste]

It is a bit early, but if they're off out then it is what it is really. I guess if your DS had the choice between sleepover and home at 8am or no sleepover he'd have chosen the home early option.

Does he not have a phone?

[coddiwomple]

It's not too early, but it is unreasonable to drop a child without prior warning. You could be out at any time in the morning (even popping to the supermarket or something). This should have been arranged with you.

[notacooldad]

I would have sorted out the going home arrangements when he was dropped off for the sleepover.
I don't like confusion or uncertainty so this would have been sorted out and everyone knows what's happening.

[Theregoesmyliein]

Just to clarify, there were no specific arrangements for drop off time as every other sleepover for the past couple of years has always been on a 'home at lunchtime or after' basis. I was under the assumption that this was no different and wasn't told anything else. DS wasn't told it was 8am drop off or no sleepover.
DS does have a phone but it recently went for a swim in a puddle.

[paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking]

We always do 9.30 drop/pick up after sleepovers, sometimes earlier if someone has to go early but would always arrange before leaving them. Can't really assume everyone's ideal plans would be the same as yours!

[Laiste]

DS does have a phone but it recently went for a swim in a puddle.

Gah!

I do think they should have warned you about the early drop off. At ten though i'm thinking he's probably said yes mum's home. Do you have a car out front?

If he's been going to this friend's for 2 years and the drop off has always been lunchtime then perhaps they had an emergency?

[GrumpyOldBag]

Why didn't you discuss the arrangements for the morning with the hosts when you dropped your DS off?

That's what I always do.

[FakePlasticTeaLeaves]

Definitely too early and they should have informed you about dropping off your child, just rude really. Did he have any breakfast?

[Oncewaswho]

We always either agree a time the night before or agree to text in the morning. I would definitely say if I was going to be out in the morning so they would know to arrange around that. 8am on a weekday isn't all that early, most will be getting u to go to work.

[yumyumpoppycat]

It is a bit u - why arrange the sleepover if they knew they had to go out? They should at least have let you know.

Having said that the kids never seem to sleep in at hosts houses - 6.30 seems to be standard wakeup time as usually sleeping on the floor/strange house etc, so yabu to expect your ds not to be tired after a sleep over. At least this way he could go back to bed for a couple of hours at 8.00 and get up when you were ready, or you could get on with the day and he could have an early night.

[RhiannonOHara]

It's not a good idea to arrange a sleepover and not let people know if you're going out at the crack of butt.

I'd be very careful to get exact details from these people if you do any more sleepovers in future.

[WeAllHaveWings]

its a bit early, but YABU not to discuss morning arrangements whenever you drop him off at a sleepover. Assuming, without discussion, a sleepover host is keeping your child and then dropping then home after lunch is a bit presumptuous.

At that age I always asked the sleepover host what time they wanted me to pick him up, and if they didn't have plans they would usually say don't worry they'd play it by ear and drop off when he wanted to come home. I would keep in touch with ds and/or host by text, if was going out at any point I would send a quick text to say popping out to shops for 30 mins, text me if you need me to pick ds up.

[HotelEuphoria]

I think it's early and I have done dozens of sleepovers. By the time the kids wake up and roll around for a few hours, have breakfast and gather their belongings it is usually at least 11:00 AM, then they get dropped off.

The parents of this sleepover must be in the military to get up everyone, collect their stuff, feed them and drop them off at 08:00 AM.

And who hosts a sleepover when you are going out early the next day?

[Leeds2]

I think it's a bit early without prior warning too.

Did the person dropping off check to see that he had got into the house?

[Theregoesmyliein]

@GrumpyOldBag we didn't drop DS off, he walked there with the friend. And we didn't feel the need to arrange drop off time because we were under the assumption that this sleepover would be the same as every other sleepover in the past couple of years which is coming/returning them home at around lunch time.
After a certain number of sleepovers one would assume only changes to the regular arrangement would require discussion.

They knew before it was too late to cancel that the kids would need to be up early after a sleepover but didn't tell us. (They're going out shopping today). They hadn't told DS either. If I had known I would have suggested DS's friend stayed at ours instead another night and we skip this one.

Our car was outside the house but we are within walking distance of shops and DH car pools to work, taking turns at who drives so the car is home more than we are. Had we been up early, the car's not a guarantee we would have been here.

I guess I'm just annoyed at what could have happened. My son was in someone else's care and they simply dropped him off alone and drove away without telling us the usual arrangements had been changed.

Oh well. I guess all turned out fine. I gave DS some breakfast and all is well. Next time we'll think hard about accepting or get arrangements in writing signed by both parties!

[YoniHuman]

Bit of both really. YABU, because regardless of previous arrangements, you should have double-checked the plans when you dropped off DS. Especially if you were planning on having a lie-in.
And the hosts are also being a bit unreasonable as they should have notified you of the drop back time especially as it is different to usual.
I would also be a bit annoyed If they drove off whilst DS was still standing on the doorstep waiting to get inside.

[YoniHuman]

X-posts with your update OP,
YANBU They should have sent you a text or something at least.

[JaneEyre70]

I wouldn't be impressed with a parent that dropped a child off without waiting to see if the door was answered. That's appalling at any time of day!!

[Mintychoc1]

OP I agree it would have been nice to be warned about this early drop off.

But as a side issue - do people really keep sleepover kids till lunchtime the following day? Bloody hell I can't think of anything worse. By 10am I am practically on my knees begging to have my house back!

[melj1213]

YANBU - 8am is early for a sleepover drop off at the best of times, and especially when they haven't given any prior notice of the early finish! Did they even have time for breakfast before drop off?

Not only that but to not wait long enough to make sure that you were home (car or not) is just irresponsible and I'd be speaking to the parents - no shopping trip is more important than the safety of a child supposedly in your care. If you had gone out for a walk/to work/out for breakfast what would your DS have done? He'd have been stuck outside his house with no key, no phone, no money and no way to get hold of anyone while they swanned off oblivious and you assumed you had no reason to rush back as he wasn't due home for hours!

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Why on earth did they have the sleepover last night if they knew they were going out today.

[GhoulWithADragonTattoo]

I don't think 8am is too early it's not like It's much effort to let him in. I'd hate it if the kids didn't come back until lunch time. Round here it tends to be 9-10am collection.That said I would have expected the parents to at least check there was someone at home before driving off.

[CountDuckulaTheSqueaky]

YANBU. They should have warned you last night.

[Oncewaswho]

I would expect them to wait and make sure he got in the house before driving off, that is unreasonable. They are at as much fault as you are for not confirming the drop-off time yesterday, or they should have at least rung you this morning. I do find it odd that neither of you did check with one another, even if it is a regular routine.