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To never have a relationship again?

(11 Posts)
RogerThatOver Fri 20-Oct-17 07:06:16

I'm a lone parent to five children, one of which is a new born. I hadn't been out for at least 7 years without children anyway but now I'm alone with no support, I'm certainly never going to get to go out. Pretty sure 5 DC is far too much baggage for anyone anyway.

My friend has a dh who is wonderful. He works, cooks, cleans, is an excellent father. She just had her 30th and he's organised childcare and taken her away for the week, followed by a family weekend away when they return. When she had their youngest he did everything for the other DC and in the home and she stayed in bed being waited on for two weeks while she established breastfeeding. My ex did nothing round the house, had nothing to do with the DC, didn't take time off after they were born and even missed some of their births. For my 30th I received a card, even though he earns much more than friends DH. I feel now that I just missed the opportunity to find a good relationship like my friends and that I don't want to settle for less again so it's best to açcept I'm going to remain single. It just seems a bit dramatic at 30!

AIBU to think I'm going to be single forever in my position?

NancyDonahue Fri 20-Oct-17 07:54:31

I think the children must be your priority right now. As hard as it is, realistically with 5 and one being newborn, you are going to be very busy for a good few years. Actively looking for a relationship right now eill be hard. If it happens it happens.. but focus on your family and wait and see. I'm hope you find someone in time.

Are the children seeing their dad? If so, you can get a bit of a social life going. Maybe do something with mum friends and foster your friendships.

RogerThatOver Fri 20-Oct-17 10:57:02

To clarify, I'm not interested in or looking for a relationship. No, they don't see him so a social life isn't going to happen.

AndrewJames Fri 20-Oct-17 11:07:58

Maybe. You'll probably get with someone else eventually though, most people do.
I know its far too late now, but if he never did anything for the children from the start, why did you have 5 of them with him?

carolmusic Fri 20-Oct-17 11:17:18

I would just concentrate on your kids, they are your life and make it a happy one with them, you don’t need a man to help you do that. I’m a single mum and I’m very close to my kids, they don’t see their dad either. We can cope without him. Men just bring more hassle anyway but that’s just my experience.

KC225 Fri 20-Oct-17 12:02:58

I agree that your children are your first priority and I don't believe you for thinking the way you do. I cannot imagine how you do b it and the level of exhaustion you feel every day.

As the children get older and they are less dependent, perhaps you can consider going out and enjoying yourself. Don't close yourself off completely to a relationship who knows. Good luck OP.

PS. If you do decide to cast your eye over the male wading pool, start by asking g your friend if her DH has a brother

splendidisolation Fri 20-Oct-17 12:07:23

Don't always take other people's relationships at face value OP. Things aren't always what they seem.

And for what its worth, I think being taken away for a week followed by a weekend away is mental for a 30th!

Misspollyhadadollie Fri 20-Oct-17 12:10:21

Same situation but with 4 kids. And no I doubt any man will take that on tbh. How will I ever find the time anyway since I don't have any help with my kids. I've accepted I will be single forever lol

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 12:11:01

Being realistic here, let's say friends DH has a brother - one who earns well and who is responsible, caring and kind man - isn't he going to be looking for a woman who doesn't have five children?

I'm not trying to sound offensive OP blush I just feel sometimes MN can be a bit idealistic about what happens next after ending a bad relationship.

RogerThatOver Fri 20-Oct-17 22:20:41

I'm not offended April - I realise that having 5 kids with no one to look after them ever except me is going to make a relationship pretty impossible. I don't long for one and am happy alone, I just regret not having made a better choice in the first place IYSWIM.

DingleBerries Fri 20-Oct-17 22:27:50

OP that’s so sad. Why did you keep having babies with this wast of space?

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