He works 12 hour shifts ( sat/sun/mon) I have just gone back to work.
I get up every morning between 5-6.
He has never got up before 8.
This morning I asked if since he was awake would he consider getting up with me. Cue, lots of saying I've made him feel guilty, fine he'll get up even though he's had no sleep at all ( baby sleeps through, he's just not a good sleeper).
I've just been tired of having no help in the mornings. Aibu?
He is passive aggressively tidying everything as he might as well do something productive now he's up.
I have to leave for work at 8 so he'd do the school run anyway, but normally I'm still waiting for him to materialise at 8.15. I've only just made it to work, the 15 mins make the difference. It's just trying to feed baby, wash bottles, have a bath and get ready for work and get two ready for school is a bit manic with no help and then having to wait around for him to come down.
Do you need to have a bath and wash bottles? Can't the bottle washing be done by him?
He should be doing his fair share of course. Maybe look at everything you do of a morning and see what can be cut out until later to save the rushed feeling. You've been back a month so still finding your feet and the routine on maternity goes out the window as you both need to find another new routine that works.
How old are the other children? ie what’s involved in getting them ready for school? Could any of this be shared between him and the older children, like breakfast?
Agree with pp about bottle washing also.
Is there anything in your morning routine that could be done the evening before (which he could do when not at work?)
I’d suggest also if he could try either going to bed earlier on some days, or having a nap later on in the day, so that he can get up 30min to an hour earlier and pick up some of the morning stuff for you.
I work night shift so even on my days off I have to ‘plan’ my sleep in to allow make homelife easier. If he has 4 days off, atleast two of those days he could rejig his sleep pattern.
Have you tried having these conversations later in the day? How is he with other day to day tasks, when he’s already been awake for a few hours? Does he still think ‘everyone hates him’
Just thinking he might take this type of conversation a bit better later on? DH and I have had many arguments because things don’t come across as well when either of us have just woken up (on both our parts).