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AIBU to think this isn't a thing a lot of people would do

(93 Posts)
earlyrisingmum Thu 19-Oct-17 19:57:51

It's my DM 50th tomorrow. Her and DF fly to Amsterdam. My plans at the weekend were to spend Saturday with Dsis so she could see my DS too.

I got a phone call from Dsis tonight asking if I could find out what hotel they are staying at. I said why and she was like oh me and DP have booked flights to Amsterdam and going to surprise them on the Saturday. We just need to know what hotel. She was like oh yea sorry I can't see you. She blamed her DP and said It was his idea and that he booked it and she thought he was joking when he mentioned it.

I feel upset because 1.) I've been left out by these two again. I could have gone too if I had notice they were doing this. 2.) I'm a single parent so not having plans at the weekend is lonely so I make sure to plan. It's been a very bad week and so seeing my D'S was needed. 3.) This isn't the first time I've been left out and I feel it's more my Dsis partner likes to push me out of plans. Them 4 and my Dsis partners dad goes out together a lot and I don't get an invite. It's like he's jealous and likes to be just the 4 of them and his dad.

I know when they come back I won't stop hearing how much fun it was. Is it normal for him to book to go to Amsterdam 1 day before my parents go on a whim. Or do you think this was preplanned? I just feel so sad that I can't be there for her 50th and the 4 of them will be together and I'm alone looking after my parents ill dog. I know this isn't my parents fault as they don't know this is what my Dsis is planning.

TeenTimesTwo Thu 19-Oct-17 20:01:15

Gatecrashing someone's holiday break is not a good thing to do imo.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:01

Let alone you being left out, what about your poor parents?! Do they really want your sister gatecrashing their weekend away?!

Your sister is being a bit of an arse. Hope you didn't tell her the hotel name.

Fekko Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:25

I'd be rather annoyed if I was off of a nice romantic trip and the kids rocked up 'coo-eee! Mum! Surprise!!!'

Neolara Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:57

Blimey. If I was your mum, I'd be extremely put out about my dc crashing my romantic mini-break with my dh.

Piratesandpants Thu 19-Oct-17 20:04:51

YANBU. But you need to explain your perception of things to your sister and to your parents. When they ‘go on’ about it say that you wrrevupset not be invited - repeat as necessary and name the other occasions this has happened. Ask WHY you’re not included. Pin them down to answers. Then see what happens next time.

Leeds2 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:09:12

I suspect your parents might not be all that happy at their weekend away being gatecrashed!
Did you tell your sister the name of the hotel?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:10:50

I would love my dc to crash it. I don't agree with pp.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:11:39

And I adored my DH. But dc would always be more than welcome.

PickAChew Thu 19-Oct-17 20:13:03

Not sure how pleased your DM would be about having her dirty weekend gatecrashed.

Doramaybe Thu 19-Oct-17 20:17:14

Words fail me, but not for the first time on here.

Quick! Tell mum and dad that sis and dp are on the way! They might just head to Bruges instead or something lol.

Then ignore and get on with your life. Make other plans. Leave them to it. It really is not your problem. Sis sounds like a bit on an arsy attention seeker to me. Forget about them. Let them do the legwork and find out the hotel name. Plead ignorance.

chipswithchips Thu 19-Oct-17 20:21:42

“Dsis, if they wanted you to come, don’t you think they would’ve invited you?”

What a pair of nutbars.

MaidofHulaHoopz Thu 19-Oct-17 20:23:30

Tell them that's so funny because you have also booked surprise tickets out to see them! And then tell your sis & her dp the name of a really seedy hotel / one right by the airport. ;-)

HirplesWithHaggis Thu 19-Oct-17 20:24:32

I'm glad I'm not the only one whose response is that the parents might not be best pleased! blush grin

This might backfire on your dsis, OP. Though your parents will probably put a good face on it.

earlyrisingmum Thu 19-Oct-17 20:24:49

I'm so glad other people think the same as me. I'm in two minds if my parents will mind. Dsis partner loves hanging out with them and they seem to like their company. However, my sister is a loose wire and can wreck the whole atmosphere in 2 secs if her DP does something she feels is wrong. She's done it many times before and doesn't stay quiet to not make a situation awkward.

My Dsis is a very jealous person who demands a lot of attention. She was very jealous when I was pregnant and when I first had my D'S. She also doesn't like it if my DS doesn't seem happy to see her. He's 15 months!

My DM likes to not tip the boat with Dsis as she can be volatile and doesn't like to argue with her. I think if I mentioned to them I was upset about being left out they would say i was being silly. And Dsis did it last minute and not on purpose to leave me out and I have my D'S. So think that would fall on deaf ears

iBiscuit Thu 19-Oct-17 20:25:47

I know someone who did this, albeit not to her parents. We were all utterly like this shock when she told us her plans. I told her that, lovely as she and her dp are (well she is, him less so), that I would actually cry if she rocked up on a break I'd booked with my dp.

She maintains that, in the event, the other couple were "thrilled", and from what I saw on FB they were. I'm not convinced hmm

earlyrisingmum Thu 19-Oct-17 20:26:06

maidofhula that did make me laugh! grin

fullofhope03 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:27:07

Don't tell her which hotel they are staying. They want a lovely relaxing time away together. Your sister sounds a bit dim to say the least. And these are for you dear OP - flowers

Crumbs1 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:27:20

If I was away for a long weekend, I’d be delighted if any of the children turned up. We love them dearly, why would we not want them?
If you feel put out or jealous, you need to have an adult to adult conversation with your sister about how you feel. If I were your sister, I think I’d be more excited about a city break than meeting up with my sister and her child. It might have been how younplanned the weekend but clearly it wasn’t how she planned it. Do you have other friends you can meet up with so you don’t feel like your left completely on your own?

earlyrisingmum Thu 19-Oct-17 20:31:02

crumbs believe me it wouldn't be an adult conversation. She would turn it into a fight. Then make me look bad and her the victim. She's done it before. I think there's a reason she has kept a job for more than 4 months for the past 6 years. She challenges anyone that goes against what she thinks.

earlyrisingmum Thu 19-Oct-17 20:31:31


fullofhope03 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:33:30

Maidof HulaHoopz - You are an evil minx. And fabulous smile

Doramaybe Thu 19-Oct-17 20:34:05

Have you told mum and dad they are on the way yet?

First priority. Honestly, forget about the consequences! I would tell them anyway if I were in your shoes. Payback time lol.

Do not give them the name of the hotel. Anyway just wondered why you would know this and not sis....

Dozer Thu 19-Oct-17 20:36:29

You say that you wish to spend time with your sister at weekends, because you get lonely, but talk a lot about her (and her DP’s) difficult behaviour, and dysfunctional family dynamics. It’d be good to focus on yourself and building your friendships outside your family.

fullofhope03 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:36:53

But OP, have you told your complete nightmare of a sister where you DP's are actually staying? Or just played dumb?

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