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MIL doesn’t listen AIBU

(144 Posts)
Sunshineroses90 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:57:05

Long story short myself and MIL don’t see eye to eye, she’s a rather manipulating person and uses this when she wants something off my OH.

Due to this I keep our visits to her very short, my son is 4 months old now and he’s seen her 3 times which suits me. Anyway she seen him on Saturday and asked me what he needs for Christmas. For me Christmas is a time to be together as a family not to be showered with gifts, should he need anything he gets it as he needs it we don’t wait until a designated day to shower him with gifts that he won’t a; be bothered by and b; won’t even remember. I simply asked for a small gift voucher so when the time comes and he needs a new top/pants/whatever it could be used then.

She honestly looked like I’d shat in her cornflakes, sure that’s not unreasonable of me is it??

Soubriquet Thu 19-Oct-17 19:58:33

Little bit

What's wrong with suggesting a couple of toys?

People like buying toys for children. Even babies.

Anecdoche Thu 19-Oct-17 19:58:55

its not always about the recipient.
people like the pleasure of giving.

it really wouldnt hurt to suggest a stuffed toy or a rattle or something

Neolara Thu 19-Oct-17 19:59:45

I think most granny's would look forward to choosing a gift for their grandchild's first birthday. It's not surprising she was put out.

WorraLiberty Thu 19-Oct-17 19:59:45

No it wasn't, but she probably just wanted the fun of going shopping and gift wrapping a prezzie for her grandchild.

I'd tell her she's still welcome to do that though if it makes her happy.

No-one has to be showering gifts.

bunchofdahlias Thu 19-Oct-17 20:00:40

Suggest clothes if you want clothes. Not a gift voucher, as that gives no pleasure and is more like a gift for you.

BernardBlacksHangover Thu 19-Oct-17 20:01:02

Depending on backstory, I think yabu, yes (sorry).

Pengggwn Thu 19-Oct-17 20:02:02

Yes, I think you were rude.

Hmmalittlefishy Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:00

It sounds on the face of it that she was being considerate by asking rather yr hand turning up with a whole load of big, noisy etc things you don't want. However I'm assuming there is a big back story and it's perhaps not as simple
I would have given ideas of things he may need over the year - clothes, toys, a high chairs etc that will be useful and she will also get to buy a present

pictish Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:40

I think yabu. She wants to buy and wrap an actual thing for him...which is understandable. A voucher is what suits you - it's not what a granny wants to give to her grandchild. Your suggestion is a bit miserable and impersonal tbh.

abbsisspartacus Thu 19-Oct-17 20:04:02

Build a bear tell her to get a bear with a heartbeat (young ones like that) and then she can accessorize for other occasions

It's something a bit special that is better than plastic tat and looks nice

lalalalyra Thu 19-Oct-17 20:04:23

I think you were being harsh. Most granny's would look forward to buying their grandchild something for Christmas.

At least she asked you, so that it's something he can make use of, rather than just turning up with/sending a sack full of plastic toys that are way too old for him.

MayCatt Thu 19-Oct-17 20:04:36

Sorry OP but YABU. Any issues you have with your MIL are separate to this. It's entirely fair for her to want to buy her grandchild a gift for his first Christmas.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Thu 19-Oct-17 20:05:31

Are you serious?

RedBullBlood Thu 19-Oct-17 20:06:00

What, you can't think of a single thing she could buy the bairn for Christmas?

Leeds2 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:06:44

I think you could've thought of something your baby doesn't already have that she could buy. It's not unreasonable for her to want to buy an actual gift, rather than a voucher.

lookingbeyond40 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:07:27

You are being a tad unreasonable - she wasn't suggesting 'showering him with gifts', but maybe she wants to go shopping and buy him something. I love shopping and giving to others - its never an expensive gift as I can't afford it, but enjoy giving to people at Xmas. isn't that the point of it?

ittakes2 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:09:04

I can't stand my m'n'law so I understand difficulties but sorry I think you are being very unkind. It's not surprising that she wants to buy something for her grandchild's first Christmas. Infact it's nice she actually asked what you wanted or needed rather than buy something you hated. Asking for vouchers is controlling. You are going to use her money to buy what you want when you want it. It sounds a bit high maintenance. But I think the fact you are asking other people's opinions means you are not an unreasonable person.

pictish Thu 19-Oct-17 20:10:43

"Asking for vouchers is controlling. You are going to use her money to buy what you want when you want it."

This!

Rather selfy.

pictish Thu 19-Oct-17 20:12:49

And that's not me thinking you'll spend it on yourself...but that her 'gift' would be your choice, your timing and according to what you think he should have. Granny's input would be simply to hand it over to you. Not nice.

Dabitdontrubit Thu 19-Oct-17 20:13:54

YABU.

For all the reasons above.

You say she's controlling & manipulative but I suspect you're more alike than you think.

blueskyinmarch Thu 19-Oct-17 20:14:11

You are being very mean. She just wants to buy her grandchild a lovely Christmas gift and you shat on her from a great height.

Pengggwn Thu 19-Oct-17 20:14:21

I think it comes across as superior as well: "He doesn't need anything, we don't spend money on anything we don't need" etc. Almost as if you're suggesting it is stupid to want to buy someone a present.

ElBandito Thu 19-Oct-17 20:15:41

Could you drip feed the rest of the story now, please? You know, the bit that makes you sound reasonable after all.

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Thu 19-Oct-17 20:16:54

Ah, it's a reverse isn't it

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