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To find this annoying and weird?

(79 Posts)
LostInTheTunnelOfGoats Thu 19-Oct-17 19:26:54

I've noticed that a few of my friends/colleagues have partners who call them all the fucking time.

Went out with a colleague for lunch a few weeks ago- her DH rang her, she missed the call, she rang him back immediately, spent the next ten minutes talking to him. He rang twice more during our lunch. In the end she just went outside to talk to him. He works from home and she was going to see him again in less than an hour.

My friend is the same. Her husband is constantly ringing her. And it's usually absolute nonsense - not "please pick up milk", but "where are you, who is there, are you having fun, when are you home". He's honestly done this up to a dozen times when we've been on days out, and has started facetiming her too.

Then there are the women in the group I volunteer with. Every so often we have a group meeting and their phones are constantly buzzing and they are constantly nipping outside, and it's always their husbands, who apparently have been left at home on their own and can't seem to cope. All their children are secondary age so we aren't talking about leaving a baby to be EBF for the first time.

Once I went to training with one of them and her DH was just blowing up her phone "is there pizza in the fridge" type of thing. He also expected a blow by blow account of her travels - where are you now, are you on the motorway yet etc. She couldn't get over that I wasn't phoning my DH "to tell him where I was". I said I'd already told him that morning, and he knew I'd be back at X time.

I love my DH very much, and he is my favourite person to spend time with, but I just don't get this constant phoning. We may occasionally text each other if a school pick up plan has changed or we need loo roll, but we are adults and we don't need to be answerable to each other continually when we are apart.

I actually find it stressful at times, being around my friends whose partners do this - I can't have a conversation with them because it's constantly interrupted, I'm staying later at group meetings because we have to start all over again because someone has to nip out and explain to her DH for the sixth time that Jessica's gym tshirt is red not blue - it's no fun.

Aibu to find it deeply irritating? Honestly if DH was like this with me I'd feel claustrophobic.

gamerwidow Thu 19-Oct-17 19:29:53

Yanbu I hate this! Just talk to your bloody DH when you get home. Why on earth anyone needs to in near constant contact is beyond me.

MusicToMyEars800 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:30:50

That would drive me insane, I am like you OP, me and DP barely phone each other unless it's important, I would probably throw my phone If he phoned me that often grin

boringbertha Thu 19-Oct-17 19:34:47

Totally agree! My BF talks to her DP at least once in the time that I'm out with her even though she'll be seeing him when she gets home. And then.... at the end they do looads of kisses down the phone bleurgh (((shudder))) which I hear when she's on hands free driving. Yuk

ijustwannadance Thu 19-Oct-17 19:38:56

Sounds very controlling or they have trust issues. Especially the facetiming. It's like they need to prove where they are and who they're with.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Thu 19-Oct-17 19:39:16

My DH phones waaaaay too many times a day. Drives me bonkers, and my office take the piss. He rings people all the time - he's incapable of coping with boredom, especially when if he's alone. He'll ring all sorts of random people in his phone book for chats and not give any thought for how busy they are.

OTOH, if he knows I'm busy he'll leave me alone as long as I need him to.

ILoveMillhousesDad Thu 19-Oct-17 19:40:03

Omg I agree. Totally. I find it a bit pathetic tbh.

WhatwouldAryado Thu 19-Oct-17 19:41:05

That's mad. I could not handle my DH being that needy!

Fruitcorner123 Thu 19-Oct-17 19:41:31

YANBU particularly when it's because the DH can't cope with his own children. If my DH couldnt find the PE kit he'd find a substitute, if we didn't have anything in for tea he'd nip to the shop. Some women are responsible for enabling these men though. I dont have many friends who do this though so you seem unlucky with the people you are spending time with!

CatchIt Thu 19-Oct-17 19:41:31

Ugh, I had a friend like this. We went out for a drink once and her bf phoned her constantly I asked her if perhaps she could tell him she was with me and that she’ll speak to him when she was leaving which would have been about an hour later

She replied that he ‘gets annoyed if she doesn’t speak to him when he calls’ I’m not going to lie, I found it pretty irritating. She’s the same with her now dh, he calls all the time, just phones her for a chat and I just can’t spend any time with her any more.

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats Thu 19-Oct-17 19:45:43

I find it pretty disrespectful on the part of the DH to be honest. It's as though the woman's time just isn't important, she should drop everything for her man. I'm probably being unfair, but that's how I would feel anyway. Making an assumption here, but I wonder how many of them would be happy with their wife ringing them constantly if they were out watching the match with their mates?

calamityjam Thu 19-Oct-17 19:51:26

Are these people under 30? I'm only asking because they have grown up being in constant touch with everyone by mobile phone and social media. Given that I was already 21 before I got a mobile and internet, I never got into this habit. I can and do often go out minus my phone. People ring me panicking that I've been uncontactable all afternoon. So what! Nobody gave a fuck before 1998/9 so why should they care so much now?

KarateKitten Thu 19-Oct-17 19:51:33

I'd never lucky to get a call or text 4 times a year! And it's always practical stuff and as short a call/text as possible. We're not phone people. There's no right are wrong with communication between couples UNLESS it's disruptive to one of them and other people. The examples you give are not healthy for the individual and are very disruptive to the people they are trying to hang out with.

harlandgoddard Thu 19-Oct-17 19:55:51

Me and DP do text/call quite a lot but only when it’s convinient, I’d never ignore the person I’m with I think that’s quite rude.

I use to know a girl like this, her boyfriend would FaceTime her constantly, turns out he was a controlling wanker.

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats Thu 19-Oct-17 19:56:14

No, only one is (just) under 30, the oldest is 55!

I'm actually the youngest out of all of them and am totally baffled at the constant ringing!

Doramaybe Thu 19-Oct-17 20:01:55

Sounds awful. Sounds controlling, sounds selfish, sounds needy. But what do I know?

Anyway, I recently decided not to answer whatsapp/texts for at least an hour. Worked, half the time I forget anyway and it's no problem. Obv time wasting messages. And that's from friends. DP would never bother with all that mullarkey. So I know if I get a call/msg it is important.

I have him well trained. LOL.

lookingbeyond40 Thu 19-Oct-17 20:03:38

I always get baffled at this. But then I get baffled at anyone spending a long time on the phone chatting to family/friends. Just because I have a weird thing about talking on the phone, not sure why, I'm to the point and want to get off the phone as quickly as possible!

I'm not like this face to face - bit of a chatterbox really! I'm just odd.

But, I digress, yes this is a very strange concept, not to mention rude if you are in the company of others at dinner or a lunch.

dontcallmethatyoucunt Thu 19-Oct-17 20:15:39

I'd LTB if my DH was like that. Fuck off with your controlling intrusions.

underkerstumbled Thu 19-Oct-17 20:17:35

DH and I don't feel the need to contact one another all the time like this - we'll occasionally send/receive texts saying things like "are you picking dd up or shall I?" or "carrots" or "home in 20 mins" or "do we need milk?" and that's about it.

sobeyondthehills Thu 19-Oct-17 20:18:34

I don't get it either. I send DP a facebook message, normally asking him to pick up milk or bread. Or today reminding him, he had left his keys and I would be picking up DS when he would probably arrive home, so to find me at the school.

mycatsmellsnice Thu 19-Oct-17 20:20:11

I have a female relative whose DH is like this and it's beginning to both piss me off and worry that it's a control issue. My relative and I are very close but rarely see each other due to work, kids etc. Even rarer, maybe once per year, we get to spend some time on our own together without kids, just overnight and usually at my house.

He calls her 3 or 4 times during the evening, and texts her. The only real call that really needs to be made is to say goodnight to her young DC. Then he rings before he goes to bed FFS!

I used to find it amusing, then irritating, then intrusive. I'm now beginning to wonder if there's not something deeply controlling about it. Also, recently I rang her about something during the day, quick call re practical issue. Not long after he called my number, when he realised it was me he said that his phone had flashed up missed call and he wasn't sure if it was for him or her. Apparently they have some link between their mobiles so they can see who is calling each of them. I suspect this is so he can keep tabs on her. What other reason would there be for this?

My relative btw is a loyal, trustworthy wife who has never given him any cause to feel insecure.


LostwithSawyer Thu 19-Oct-17 20:28:15

I hate this too. I have a work colleague who is constantly on her mobile to her husband and her boyfriend. Yes that's right. She has 2 blokes who call/text her all the bloody time.
It's so annoying. I'm going to lose my shit at some point & possibly throw her phone! angry

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Thu 19-Oct-17 20:28:50

I agree I would hate this but I don't think its always controlling, or even just boredom - some women love it and find it reassuring and validating of their relationship.

Tedious to be around though.

TheEmmaDilemma Thu 19-Oct-17 20:36:24

Fucking hate it. I'm doing X, I'll be home around X. Leave me the fuck alone to get on with my day, I'm an adult.

Not that I get it, thank god. He's also an adult who travels regularly (internationally) for work. Sometimes I'm lucky if I get a call a day to say hi because it's the only time it works for us.

Mind you, no children, but that's no really the point is it?

It's like people tracking each other on their phones... I'd hate that. Not because I have something to hide, but it just feels intrusive and controlling.

TheEmmaDilemma Thu 19-Oct-17 20:36:57

Crap, I mentioned no children. Someone will be along shortly to ask why I'm on Mumsnet...

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