Son asking for money all the time

[ElasticatedJeans]

This has come to a head today as it’s half term next week.

My DS is 13 (year 9). I work FT so I’m not around during school holidays but I work one mile away from home, so if there’s a problem I can go straight home.

Anyway DS is constantly asking for money. Today he text me after school asking me to put money on his Osper card so he could buy drinks etc while he’s with his friends. I said no and told him to be home at 6.30 for his tea. Tomorrow he wants to go to the fair and wants £30 for that. No doubt on Saturday he’ll want a tenner for drinks and food while he’s with his friends and the same again on Sunday. We live off the beaten track so once he’s out he doesn’t want to come home for lunch or tea. His curfew is 8pm and I’m not cooking again at 8pm just because he wants to stay out with his mates.

I’ve got no doubt that he’ll ask me for at least £10 a day next week while he’s off school.

I’ve told him to stop asking for money all the time and he agrees and then the following day he’s at it again!

I’m fed up with it to be honest. I don’t want him to be thirsty or hungry but I simply cannot afford to give him £10 a day for food.

His step dad gave him £40 last Saturday and he blew it in a day on cinema/food/drinks/train fare.

AIBU?

[MrsJayy]

He either comes in for his tea or reheats his when he gets in , give him pocket money and when it is gone it is gone is the only way you are going to win this and with the odd NO son i dont have a money tree

[MrsJayy]

Have snacky food in for half term tell him he is welcome to take it out with him

[fretfulsmarties]

Cook his meal and he heats it up when he's comes in, this is what I do for mine, though obviously he still has to come home within curfew.

Money, you need to give him a weekly amount that you feel is reasonable and tell him to make it last and don't back down if he blows it. Explain what things you expect him to buy with it and what things you'll still cover, eg clothes and shoes.

It'll probably be a steep learning curve but it'll stand him in good stead for the future.

[jay55]

Give him an allowance and make it clear that is all he will get a month.

[19lottie82]

Give him a set allowance per week and if he spends it, then it's gone.

Get him a refillable water bottle and snack food he can take it with him, that way he won't be hungry / thirsty.

Put a plate in the microwave for him so he can heat up his dinner when he gets in.

[ElasticatedJeans]

I’ve said for next week he needs to have breakfast when he gets up and make some sandwiches for his lunch. I’ve also said he needs to come home for tea. He nods sagely at this and agrees and the asks me to put money on his card..... Arrrggghhhhhh!!!!

[NoCryLilSoftSoft]

Why does he not have an allowance and bank card so he can fund his own social life?

[Raindancer411]

Does he do any chores? Maybe make him earn some money by helping you out?

[ElasticatedJeans]

Thanks for the suggestions. At the moment he takes pack up to school and I pay for his phone, clothes and toiletries. Do you think £20 per week would be reasonable?

[starfishmummy]

It does sound ott.
Do his friends have more money and he's trying to keep up with them.or.show.off.
Could he be helping a less well off friend?
Could he be being bullied?

[MrsJayy]

Well you need to find your inner NO you can't be wishy washy with teenagers they smell your weakness this is why he is harping on because he knows you will cave in and give him money.

[ElasticatedJeans]

NoCry. If I gave him £500 per month he’d spend it over two weekends and then ask for more. I used to load his card with £40 per month (this was a year ago) and that would be gone in a week. I do say no 90% of the time but he won’t be put off asking.

[bridgetreilly]

"He nods sagely at this and agrees and the asks me to put money on his card..... Arrrggghhhhhh!!!!"

This situation is exactly what the word 'No' was invented for.

[ElasticatedJeans]

He tells me his mates get £10 a day at the weekend and in school holidays. I have no way of verifying this. It was DS’s birthday in August. He had £300 of birthday money. His mate’s mum matched it as he wanted to go shopping with my DS!

[AnathemaPulsifer]

I think he needs a weekly budget and when it's gone it's gone. £20 sounds v generous but is considerably less a week than he's currently getting so go for it.

Loads of packed lunch food for evenings, weekends and holidays too, and water bottles so he never starves or dehydrates. Sounds like he either has rich friends or is financing them too.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Why can't they just hang out doing free stuff? Gaming, riding bikes, chatting... none of it needs to cost £10 a day.

[ElasticatedJeans]

I do say no. All the time. I’m fed up with him asking me.

[sonjadog]

If you gave him a an allowance and he spends it all at once, then surely he has to stay in because he can´t afford to go out? You don´t have to keep giving him more money, right?

[ElasticatedJeans]

Believe it or not they don’t actually do a great deal normally. It’s football in the park and then off to McDonald’s or KFC. They spend £5 on a meal deal or whatever and then buy four or five drinks from Tesco Express.

[scootinFun]

I think £40 for the week would’ve reasonable as this sorted pile include travel - once it’s gone that’s it

[scootinFun]

As this would include travel

[ElasticatedJeans]

I agree with everything that’s being said. I’ve even told him to stop asking me. He takes no notice whatsoever.

[scootinFun]

Smile and say no, and repeat