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Son asking for money all the time

(89 Posts)
ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:33:32

This has come to a head today as it’s half term next week.

My DS is 13 (year 9). I work FT so I’m not around during school holidays but I work one mile away from home, so if there’s a problem I can go straight home.

Anyway DS is constantly asking for money. Today he text me after school asking me to put money on his Osper card so he could buy drinks etc while he’s with his friends. I said no and told him to be home at 6.30 for his tea. Tomorrow he wants to go to the fair and wants £30 for that. No doubt on Saturday he’ll want a tenner for drinks and food while he’s with his friends and the same again on Sunday. We live off the beaten track so once he’s out he doesn’t want to come home for lunch or tea. His curfew is 8pm and I’m not cooking again at 8pm just because he wants to stay out with his mates.

I’ve got no doubt that he’ll ask me for at least £10 a day next week while he’s off school.

I’ve told him to stop asking for money all the time and he agrees and then the following day he’s at it again!

I’m fed up with it to be honest. I don’t want him to be thirsty or hungry but I simply cannot afford to give him £10 a day for food.

His step dad gave him £40 last Saturday and he blew it in a day on cinema/food/drinks/train fare.


MrsJayy Thu 19-Oct-17 16:36:43

He either comes in for his tea or reheats his when he gets in , give him pocket money and when it is gone it is gone is the only way you are going to win this and with the odd NO son i dont have a money tree

MrsJayy Thu 19-Oct-17 16:38:10

Have snacky food in for half term tell him he is welcome to take it out with him

fretfulsmarties Thu 19-Oct-17 16:39:34

Cook his meal and he heats it up when he's comes in, this is what I do for mine, though obviously he still has to come home within curfew.

Money, you need to give him a weekly amount that you feel is reasonable and tell him to make it last and don't back down if he blows it. Explain what things you expect him to buy with it and what things you'll still cover, eg clothes and shoes.

It'll probably be a steep learning curve but it'll stand him in good stead for the future.

jay55 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:39:59

Give him an allowance and make it clear that is all he will get a month.

19lottie82 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:40:54

Give him a set allowance per week and if he spends it, then it's gone.

Get him a refillable water bottle and snack food he can take it with him, that way he won't be hungry / thirsty.

Put a plate in the microwave for him so he can heat up his dinner when he gets in.

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:41:12

I’ve said for next week he needs to have breakfast when he gets up and make some sandwiches for his lunch. I’ve also said he needs to come home for tea. He nods sagely at this and agrees and the asks me to put money on his card..... Arrrggghhhhhh!!!!

NoCryLilSoftSoft Thu 19-Oct-17 16:42:27

Why does he not have an allowance and bank card so he can fund his own social life?

Raindancer411 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:43:11

Does he do any chores? Maybe make him earn some money by helping you out?

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:43:29

Thanks for the suggestions. At the moment he takes pack up to school and I pay for his phone, clothes and toiletries. Do you think £20 per week would be reasonable?

starfishmummy Thu 19-Oct-17 16:43:59

It does sound ott.
Do his friends have more money and he's trying to keep up with
Could he be helping a less well off friend?
Could he be being bullied?

MrsJayy Thu 19-Oct-17 16:45:12

Well you need to find your inner NO you can't be wishy washy with teenagers they smell your weakness grin this is why he is harping on because he knows you will cave in and give him money.

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:46:09

NoCry. If I gave him £500 per month he’d spend it over two weekends and then ask for more. I used to load his card with £40 per month (this was a year ago) and that would be gone in a week. I do say no 90% of the time but he won’t be put off asking.

bridgetreilly Thu 19-Oct-17 16:46:17

"He nods sagely at this and agrees and the asks me to put money on his card..... Arrrggghhhhhh!!!!"

This situation is exactly what the word 'No' was invented for.

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:48:55

He tells me his mates get £10 a day at the weekend and in school holidays. I have no way of verifying this. It was DS’s birthday in August. He had £300 of birthday money. His mate’s mum matched it as he wanted to go shopping with my DS!

AnathemaPulsifer Thu 19-Oct-17 16:49:07

I think he needs a weekly budget and when it's gone it's gone. £20 sounds v generous but is considerably less a week than he's currently getting so go for it.

Loads of packed lunch food for evenings, weekends and holidays too, and water bottles so he never starves or dehydrates. Sounds like he either has rich friends or is financing them too.

FrancisCrawford Thu 19-Oct-17 16:49:25

I think £20 a week is generous for a 13 year old.

If that’s what you feel is fair, then go for it and make it clear there will be no top ups - he needs to learn to budget

Oh, ad hell need to save some to buy presents for family birthdays and Xmas, obviously

AnathemaPulsifer Thu 19-Oct-17 16:50:19

Why can't they just hang out doing free stuff? Gaming, riding bikes, chatting... none of it needs to cost £10 a day.

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:50:28

I do say no. All the time. I’m fed up with him asking me.

FrancisCrawford Thu 19-Oct-17 16:50:31

So what if his mates have parents who pull money out of thin air. He doesn’t and that is the reality he has to learn to live with

sonjadog Thu 19-Oct-17 16:51:49

If you gave him a an allowance and he spends it all at once, then surely he has to stay in because he can´t afford to go out? You don´t have to keep giving him more money, right?

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:52:51

Believe it or not they don’t actually do a great deal normally. It’s football in the park and then off to McDonald’s or KFC. They spend £5 on a meal deal or whatever and then buy four or five drinks from Tesco Express.

scootinFun Thu 19-Oct-17 16:54:12

I think £40 for the week would’ve reasonable as this sorted pile include travel - once it’s gone that’s it

scootinFun Thu 19-Oct-17 16:54:35

As this would include travel

ElasticatedJeans Thu 19-Oct-17 16:55:02

I agree with everything that’s being said. I’ve even told him to stop asking me. He takes no notice whatsoever.

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