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School contributions!

(105 Posts)
Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 14:39:56

I've had to name change because this will out me if people read my other threads but I am a long standing member I'm sorry in advance as this will be long...

My DD goes to a faith school, and they only receive 90% of the funding that other schools do. I'm a good member of the community and I do my best to help out where I can. In this community majority of families are in their mid to late thirties, well established and have good and well paying jobs or have had enough years to make themselves comfortable. Me and DH on the other hand are a very very small minority in that I suppose we were on the way to that but we fell pregnant when I was in my early 20s, it wasn't planned, we had very little saved but we're determined to soldier on. Now 5 years later we own our own house, I work a few hours around school whilst my DH works incredibly hard in a career that is extremely demanding but financially incredibly rewarding and I am so proud of what we have achieved together. Now this isn't to say that we are extremely comfortable by any means, we pay all our bills, have paid off a few credit cards that we accumulated over the years that at the time we would have drowned without and are FINALLY now able to start properly saving properly and have another baby on the way.

My DDs school is relentless in asking for money and I am absolutely sick of it, they had a wealthy contributor who made up majority of the money that they lose out on BUT due to their poor choices that many people including myself were very unhappy with they lost them and now we as parents are being asked to contribute the recommended amount of £85 a month. I don't have a spare £85 a month which they just don't seem to understand. I have had calls at 9:00pm to ask why we are not currently contributing and I have just received an email (that everyone has received) stating that they are dissappointed with the parents who are still not contributing anything. I said to DH I think maybe the answer is we should contribute like £20 a month or something like that but he in my opinion quite rightly stated that there were several school meetings before they lost the contributor where parents were raising worries with the changes they were making and they ignored it and actually my husband stood up at one of these meetings and said this. He also thinks that if we contribute a fraction we will just continue to receive more demands as it isn't the amount they want. I don't know what to do? I'm so scared people will find out we aren't contributing because majority do and actually actively are so rude about parents that aren't in front of me as they don't think I'm one of them and I admit I'm a complete coward but then I don't want people to know my financial situation.

Percephone Thu 19-Oct-17 15:11:40

YANBU. That's a huge amount to be expected to contribute to a state school. My son attends a faith school and they ask for £5 per month. There are a lot of other expenses on a weekly basis for £1-2 so i think if you offered £20 that would be more than generous.

BreconBeBuggered Thu 19-Oct-17 15:16:59

No. I wouldn't be giving them anything. Can't afford it and tbh wouldn't appreciate them resorting to emotional blackmail and relying on peer pressure even if I could. Eighty five quid?

Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 15:22:20

Thank you I think for replying. I forgot to mention that we also have to do the usual non uniform day £1s and are also asked to contribute £15 a year for class resources for baking etc which I pay aswell. The way they have gone about asking for this money aswell I think is disgusting. They have made me feel ashamed when I know how ridiculous that is and sounds.

fantasmasgoria1 Thu 19-Oct-17 15:42:31

Crikey is all I can say! £85 per month!!!!

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Thu 19-Oct-17 15:51:16

Is this in the UK?

My DD goes to a faith school, and they only receive 90% of the funding that other schools do

Schools dont receive less or more funding because they are faith. there is a specific forumla used with takes into account SEN, children of service personel etc.

I'd be asking to see the books, faith schools are usually charities - you cn access them through the Charities commission or through the DfE website which will show you staff costs.

TeenTimesTwo Thu 19-Oct-17 15:53:30

I thought the whole point of a faith school was that the church / church community paid the extra 10%, not the parents?

They shouldn't be hounding you, there should be a way for you to say 'we don't wish to be contacted re regular monthly donations'.

They should be bringing this up in church (or wherever if not Christian faith).

RedHelenB Thu 19-Oct-17 16:00:38

I think YABU. If you don't want to pay then choose another school why are you expecting another parent/ parents to pay for you?

PotteringAlong Thu 19-Oct-17 16:03:46

£85 a month?! That's ludicrous.

Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 16:22:12

When my DD started at the school nursery they didn't ask for anything this has only been over the last year or so that they have really strarted to push this amount. She is so happy there I wouldn't ever want to pull her out.

BreconBeBuggered Thu 19-Oct-17 16:30:17

Why should OP pay for a state school, Red? Should be free at the point of delivery. Most of us accept that a degree of fundraising happens, but that's at the cake sale and school bazaar end of things. Not raiding bank accounts. And most faith schools are not charities. The buildings are owned by the church and they get 90% of funding from them for capital projects, but the funding formula for pupils is the same as any other school.

Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 16:31:13

This isn't a church school, it's a different religion.

Topseyt Thu 19-Oct-17 18:01:15

We used to get this sort of demand from the secondary school DD1 went to. They would even send home standing order forms for us to present to our banks, and publicly question the children if we had not responded to their forms.

It was large amounts that they were asking for, and £85 a month would not have been unheard of. I am talking a few years ago now, as DD had finished university now.

We too got to the stage where we couldn't afford it but there was no option to decline on the form so I just put it in the recycling, thinking that they wouldn't hound us. Wrong!! On that occasion they gave DD a second form to bring back and said that there would be a detention if we hadn't completed it. They refused to believe her when she said we didn't have the money.

DH completed it. He wrote "Cannot afford this, so won't be participating this time. Wishing you well", signed it and told DD to give it in. We heard nothing more about it funnily enough, and there was no detention.

I realise funding is beyond tight, but it is tight for families too. Hounding parents and humiliating students is not the answer either.

Rudgie47 Thu 19-Oct-17 18:13:31

I'd just write them a polite letter saying that you wouldnt be contributing the £85.00 and that you didnt want to be contacted again ever about the matter.
If they hound you again or go round telling people you have'nt paid up then I'd be complaining.
My friend had this, her children went to a Catholic school, she just told them she wouldnt be paying when they rung her.

Topseyt Thu 19-Oct-17 18:23:05

For my DD it wasn't a faith school. It was a state grammar school.

For the record, I never had any objection to fundraising, but did have a problem with the way they made demands, and with a very entitled attitude. They just didn't believe that some families struggled with money.

TeenTimesTwo Thu 19-Oct-17 18:26:43

The local Jewish/Muslim/Hindu/whatever community should be being asked to contribute, not putting such a high donation on parents.

Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 23:12:09

I'm just fed up of feeling so judged. The email we received today said, "Unfortunately, there continues to be a number of individuals unwilling to support our school and I have been upset by some attitudes when participating in governor phone rounds. We will, of course, relentlessly encourage everyone to step up and help."
I just think this is bang out of order, how can you assume that everyone is in a position to afford this. I understand that they asked for money to help out but if you say no then that should be the end of it.

Redhandle Thu 19-Oct-17 23:13:42

And also maybe some people had an attitude because they don't want to be called in the evening when they are finishing their dinner to be guilted into handing over money when they have already said no

thecatsarecrazy Thu 19-Oct-17 23:19:20

Had a letter home this week from my ds school. They will have a visit after half term from someone bringing in some small creatures or something and the children will be doing a workshop. They need a contribution of £8.35 hmm. Seems a very strange amount and im not sure what the money is for. Ive already paid out £10 this week and school photos are still to come.

hibbledobble Thu 19-Oct-17 23:22:16

What faith school is this? I think I already have an idea due to the level of the contribution required. If my assumption is correct, the 'voluntary' contribution is not seen as voluntary. It is required to cover additional costs which are unique to schools of this faith.

Can you set up a dd for an amount you can afford and let the school know that this is what you can afford?

Appuskidu Thu 19-Oct-17 23:28:01

Which faith is this?

permatiredmum Thu 19-Oct-17 23:28:13

I don';t understand what you mean when you say this state school only gets 90% of the funding they should because a sponsor dropped out?

permatiredmum Thu 19-Oct-17 23:29:12

Do you mean the church stopped contributing confused

Redhandle Fri 20-Oct-17 07:01:58

What I mean is that as they only receive 90% of the funding that other state schools do they had a wealthy sponsor who used to donate the 10% they didn't receive yearly. They made a lot of changes to the school that the community as a whole were not happy with and this sponsor withdrew his donation moving forward as he also did not agree.

I don't want to say which religion it is as I don't see that it's relevant.

LoniceraJaponica Fri 20-Oct-17 07:11:26

It probably is relevant because it might help us understand the issue. I don't understand why the school only gets 90% funding for example.

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