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To feel really stupid that I've been referred to the mental health team?

(25 Posts)
Bippitybopityboo Thu 19-Oct-17 12:55:31

I had my booking appointment with a midwife this morning and totally broke down when she asked about anxiety.
I worry constantly to the point where I'm awake all night, I don't like leaving the house alone and now I sit and obsess over my last labour and birth. This hasn't only started since getting pregnant I always worry alot and DH had asked me to see my GP a few times as he thinks I have anxiety but I never have. The midwife today said she thinks it'll benefit me if she does a referral to the mental health team but now I feel really silly.
I feel like they'll think I can't look after my son properly but it doesn't impact that. We still go to play groups etc and he's perfectly fine and happy will they look at if I'm ok the look after him still. I've never had any sort of help with my MH as I didn't think I ever needed it and I feel really stupid now that I've been referred to them. What will they do she said they'll call me and I'm panicking now about what's going to happen sadblush

DJBaggySmalls Thu 19-Oct-17 12:58:42

Dont feel stupid! They can see you look after your son, they are concerned about your health. Things will get easier when you get the right help - I've been through it myself.

Bippitybopityboo Thu 19-Oct-17 13:21:06

My DM said it's silly I have nothing in life to worry about and I don't really bit I still worry!

Danceswithwarthogs Thu 19-Oct-17 13:29:06

Telling them what you told the midwife is a good start, they won't judge or think any the worst of your parenting of your existing child. I would think they would want to help you resolve anxiety about your previous birth, approach this one with more confidence and reduce the risk of pnd. From the experience of friends, CBT can help massively in breaking the cycle of unproductive worry and anxiety. Perhaps this is the opportunity you needed to get help and ultimately find some freedom from all that exhausting worry. I hope it helps flowers

ColinCreevey Thu 19-Oct-17 13:33:29

Honestly don't worry.
I was under the mental health team for probably the first 3 years of my son's life. I was quite poorly at some points but my son was always taken care of, taken to groups etc, house was safe but sometimes a bit messy with toys and crap. Basically just normal. They're not looking to swoop in and find evidence of you being a bad parent, they'll want to see how they can support you and work with you.
Teams will probably vary from place to place but I had an initial appointment with a psychiatrist to discuss what was going on and what meds I might need, then the community psychiatric nurse would visit me at home. Sometimes every week, sometimes less. It depends on how you're doing really. I also got referred to some support groups and had some counselling. It was very helpful for me and I was discharged 2 years ago now and I'm a lot, lot better.
Please don't worry, I hope you're feeling better soon. It's so tough, especially when pregnant.

Triplesalchow Thu 19-Oct-17 13:34:50

I have a lot in common with you and the way you feel. I was referred after birth of both my kids. I got meds and Cbt. It really helped me and they did not think I wasn't coping or couldn't look after the kids. Don't feel stupid at all. No one will/should make you feel like that. Everyone was really lovely and supportive. You will have a say in what you think you need and what will help you. I'm not on the meds now as things got better. It's worth a try to see if it helps you. You'd maybe be surprised how many people are in similar situation. Anxiety doesn't mean you aren't doing a great job as a mum.

justdontevenfuckingstart Thu 19-Oct-17 13:39:30

Not stupid at all, sometimes we need a little help. I breezed through my first and then really struggled with my second.
When I broke my hv felt bad that they hadn't been there because number 1 was so easy, they thought I was fine.
My advice would be tell the truth, nobody is questioning your parenting ability, they want to help you.

CMH123 Thu 19-Oct-17 13:42:43

Don't feel stupid.

Feel incredibly brave and proud that you have the courage to let someone in and ask for help.

Redredredrose Thu 19-Oct-17 13:49:09

They'll help, really they will. They won't judge, they'll support you. They're very hot on antenatal and postnatal maternal mental health support.

Missstickinthemud Thu 19-Oct-17 13:50:27

Try not to worry. (Easier said then done I know)

I was referred to the mental health team before I was pregnant, with a non pregnancy related mental health problem.

In my experience it was incredibly hands off.

I actually fell out of the system due to a clerical error and didn't get my appointment and had to chase it up myself. I eventually got CBT, by which point I was pregnant. I had to see a consultant when I was pregnant too, but that was also very non invasive and very hands off. I actually can't remember now if that was for my mental health of because of my weight or both. It was that low key.

Nobody checked up on me, nobody came to see me outside of the normal midwife visits.

After I gave birth I had a bad patch of feeling low and went back to the doctor to get some more medication. The GP just prescribed medication and that was the end of it. Nobody checked up on me, there were no home visits or social workers. Again, it was all really hands off.

In my experience, anxiety disorders are so common that GP's etc don't even blink at them. It wouldn't surprise me if you weren't even the first person that your midwife had to refer that day.

Don't worry that you cried, it's normal to do that. I cried the first time I told my GP how I was feeling. They expect that, they wont' judge you on it.

Also, because medical staff deal with this sort of thing every day they understand that there is a scale of the illness. They will be able to see that your child is not neglected. They don't swoop in and break up families.

Take good care of yourself.

Wolfiefan Thu 19-Oct-17 13:50:48

Don't feel stupid. Stupid is not getting help when you need it. I suffer with anxiety and depression. Not because I have things that I should worry about or awful things happening in my life. You don't have to have a reason to be anxious if you suffer with anxiety. You're doing the right thing. Don't panic. It's a good thing to get this sorted.

abitoflight Thu 19-Oct-17 13:52:16

Agree with above and.....
Why do you think we (MHP’s) have jobs?? This is our bread and butter! There are people who can help and people can move on, learn, widen activities etc etc
I really hope you end up looking at this as something positive that has helped you
Don’t be ashamed/ feel inadequate or lacking in moral fibre or whatever nonsense some people think mental health disorders are - they are real and debilitating!
I truly hope it all works out

Dinosauratemydaffodils Thu 19-Oct-17 13:57:22

I have a 2 and a half year old. I've been under a mental health team since he was 8 weeks old when I had a major meltdown in front of the GP. No one has ever suggested I couldn't look after him even when I was convinced he wasn't mine and had doubts as to whether he was a "real" baby. They just said I was ill and needed help as much as I would if I had a physical illness. I found accepting that really hard though but they were right.

My experience was similar to @ColinCreevey 's apart from the fact that the CPN and I did not hit it off at all and after a couple of weeks I decided I didn't want her in the house. I still see the Psychiatrist every six weeks or so and I'm seeing a clinical Psychologist every week as well.

Newmanwannabe Thu 19-Oct-17 13:58:07

You are very sensible to take care of your mental health. It is fortunate it was picked up as a potential issue, you can get some plans in place for managing pregnancy family and life. So much better to face it head on and manage it than struggle to cope and bury it. You should be proud of yourself flowers

NotTheFordType Thu 19-Oct-17 14:00:56

You are not stupid at all! You're going to get the help you need, to ensure you're the best mum possible to your DC, and the best partner you can be to your DH (who sounds lovely.)

"My DM said it's silly I have nothing in life to worry about"

My DM used to tell me not to feel my feelings too. When it comes to anxiety, logic doesn't help, being instructed not to feel anxious doesn't help.

The MH team will give you the support you need. Don't feel silly or stupid, your feelings are your feelings and they need to be brought under control by you, not by being told they are invalid.


crazymissdaisy Thu 19-Oct-17 14:02:24

I know your mum is trying to help, but saying you've nothing to be anxious about isn't going to stop you being anxious. Just like telling a depressed person they've got so much to be thankful for isn't going to cheer them up. Mental illness is illness; we don't question why someone is being sick, we acknowledge that it might be a bacterium or a virus causing it. What's happening in your head is caused by a combination of factors and some will be chemical ( as you can see I'm not a medic) or to do with brain function at least. I know that when my mother had chronic depression, my father always told her to count her blessings, pull her socks up, etc etc. He meant well, and your mum does too, but that's not the kind of help you need at the moment.

tatty1010 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:07:19

There's nothing to feel stupid about when it comes to mental health so please don't think like that. You may be surprised at what help there could be for you. Pregnancy hormones flying around are probably not helping matters either. Us mumsnetters will not allow you to feel stupid but we'll allow you to feel a little bit silly for not getting help sooner wink flowers

YouOKHun Thu 19-Oct-17 14:12:06

I was under the mental health team after the birth of my second child and I am also part of a mental health team as a CBT therapist, so I’ve seen both sides! If you take one thing away from this thread let it be the message that you are very normal and your type of difficulties are very common and no indication of your ability to look after your son. That team wants to help you manage your anxiety and any depression so that you can enjoy life. They’ll assess you to see how your anxiety manifests so they can point you to the best support. Good luck flowers

Zaphodsotherhead Thu 19-Oct-17 14:15:41

Your mum is wrong.

If you had a broken leg, she wouldn't just say 'well, you've got another perfectly good one, you can hop!' would she?

You need help, help is available and offered. Take the help and get well soon.

Bippitybopityboo Thu 19-Oct-17 14:41:13

Thankyou all, DH said hes so relieved i finally told someone and reading these replies I feel alot better. I feel stupid for feeling stupid haha. I feel more positive and it good knowing you're not alone.

repetitionrepetition Thu 19-Oct-17 15:28:05

it’s not a bad thing. accept the help. you aren’t in trouble, no one wants to do anything other than help you. don’t try to ignore it as it may get worse. i miss the MH team, i loved being ‘looked after’ during pregnancy.. they were a great support to me.

Brummiegirl15 Thu 19-Oct-17 15:47:48

You are not stupid. I'm 38 weeks pregnant weeks and under the care of the maternity mental health team for my anxiety due to previous miscarriages and a very premature birth.

The mental health of the mother is absolutely key to the health of the baby. It's just another element of your care.

Take all the help offered to you, it really does make a difference.

Hotpinkangel19 Thu 19-Oct-17 16:08:00

OP, I was referred too on Monday by my Midwife. I feel worried about who I’ll see/ what will happen. You’re not alone. X

Bippitybopityboo Thu 19-Oct-17 18:43:35

Me too Hotpink was hoping someone may have had similar experience on here to shed some light bit I suppose everyone's sp different! Hope all goes ok for you!

WiseUpJanetWeiss Thu 19-Oct-17 18:55:03

OP, that’s one of the things about anxiety. It is not very rational, but it is very real. It also ebbs and flows unpredictably and tells us we’re stupid...

I’m very pleased for you that your GP is taking your needs seriously and is getting help for you.

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