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To think this is odd behaviour?

(22 Posts)
user1483964745 Thu 19-Oct-17 11:55:46

My ex broke up with me because he felt he wasn't ready for a relationship and was suffering a mental health crises. We were together just under a year.

Ever since he has stayed in contact telling me he loves me, that he misses me, and that it was the hardest decision he had to make. Yesterday was my birthday and he asked to give me my present. We spent all day together and hugged, laughed, basically acted like normal without the kissing. He told me he loved me. When I went home he text me and said to ring him when I'd seen my family. I didn't because it would made me too sad.

He said we can be best friends because neither of us will be looking for anything in the next year. He said he still has feelings for me and finds me attractive but that the more we hang out the more likely that those feelings will mellow out.

aibu to think this guy is constantly changing his mind about what he wants?

user1497357411 Thu 19-Oct-17 12:34:46

yes. It is odd. He is playing some kind of game. Why wouldn't you be looking for anyone else for the next year? Has he called "dips" on you? Join a new club/start a new hobby that'll get you out of the house and keep you busy and forget about him
(or start doing one of your hobbies more.. you catch the drift)

elevenclips Thu 19-Oct-17 12:38:09

Goodness, worse than odd.

He's saying he doesn't want you but nobody else can have you shock

I'd cut contact. He's very, very selfish and manipulative.

thethoughtfox Thu 19-Oct-17 12:46:01

'He said we can be best friends because neither of us will be looking for anything in the next year.'

Agree with PP he is ensuring you don't move on with someone else and are there hanging on in case he changes his mind.

doodle01 Thu 19-Oct-17 12:47:18

Find someone else

DingleBerries Thu 19-Oct-17 12:47:53

He means

“I don’t want you buy I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

Holdbacktheriver Thu 19-Oct-17 12:48:49

Op have you posted about this man before? It sounds familiar.

Cut him off. He’s having his cake and eating it. You deserve better!

ScootieAllan Thu 19-Oct-17 12:52:42

Yes, he's a dog in the manger alright

AdalindSchade Thu 19-Oct-17 12:55:05

What what?
Cut him out for goodness sake he will drive you mad!

Marnie182 Thu 19-Oct-17 13:14:03

You need to cut contact and go cold turkey! He doesn't want you to move on incase he changes his mind. Probably keeping HIS options open in the mean time.
Very manipulative of him, he's not a nice guy.

VladmirsPoutine Thu 19-Oct-17 13:16:40

He's keeping you 'warm' in the event he changes his mind.

This way madness lies.

Cut contact. Don't be drawn. Detach and let go. You don't want to find yourself posting on the relationships board this time next year having sustained another bout of head-fuckery.

justilou1 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:08:39

He's given you a "Best Before" date - RUN!

user1483964745 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:19:47

What does best before date mean?

BenLui Thu 19-Oct-17 14:23:40

He wants to sleep with you without any commitment.

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 21-Oct-17 07:58:37

When he says neither of you will meet anyone else for a year, tell him that may be true for him but you are excited about meeting someone new and exploring new possible relationships.

Arrogant dick of a man!

TheCatsMother99 Sat 21-Oct-17 08:00:52

You need to distance yourself from him. He doesn't want you like that but doesn't want anyone else to either and the only person who stands to be hurt by this is you.

Bluntness100 Sat 21-Oct-17 08:04:53

Nah, not odd. He’s just keeping you on the back burner whilst he looks for someone else. Likes the thought of you being there to fall back on, gives his ego a boost.

Nothing odd about it, plenty of blokes do this.

aaaaargghhhhelpme Sat 21-Oct-17 08:12:28

Not odd just manipulative. You don't have any plans to meet anyone in the next year?! How fucking arrogant. He means, if he keeps in your head you will be too busy to find anyone new - asking the question that you're asking here, what's going on? Does he still want me? Where is this going?

Cut him out. He wants to waste a year (or more) of your life keeping you on the back burner. You deserve better.

ImaLannister Sat 21-Oct-17 09:16:38

If you want him back, then be sure to 'look for someone else in the next year'. Because he's not expecting you to, I guarantee if you started dating other people etc the grovelling will start. Once someone has you he will want you. At the moment he doesn't want anyone else to have you whilst he is deciding on what he wants, that's what he's doing, at your inconvenience.

Goosegrass Sat 21-Oct-17 09:18:14

Block his number and get on tinder.

SleepFreeZone Sat 21-Oct-17 09:21:22

I agree with everyone else. He's a headfuck. Only happy if you are dangling and waiting around for him. I would bet a large amount of my savings that if you moved on with someone else he would be texting you constantly wanting to try again and professing his love constantly.

ImaLannister Sat 21-Oct-17 09:27:22

Forgot to put on the end of that, that I think it will take for someone else to be interested in you for him to realise what he had/has lost for sure. Now don't go breaking hearts here! Dating - have fun, doesn't mean you have to get into a relationship breaking a poor guys heart to get your ex back. If you show you are actively looking for someone else it will break him. In the mean time if you fall for another guy then so be it. He let you go, he can't expect you to put your life on hold for a year.

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