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AIBU?

To keep DS off school due to death of pet?

166 replies

Banananaaa · 18/10/2017 23:46

We have just had to have DPony PTS. Shes had a good old innings, shes 36 and we have owned her for 22 of those years. She was my first pony and taught both DSs to ride.

DS1 (13) absolutely adores her and in these later years even those shes now retired she has been what I would quite clearly call his pony. He spends time with her before and after school, he takes her for walks, reads his books to her and does his homework sitting in her paddock.

We found her collapsed in the stable tonight, vet reckoned her liver was failing, and we have had her PTS. DS is understandably devastated and finally cried himself to sleep about 15 mins ago.

He has some health issues anyway which mean he is easily fatigued and I know getting him up at 7 for school tomorrow is going to be hell on earth, and he would struggle to manage the day even if he was just tired, without the emotional stuff on top.

Its the last day before half term and all morning, he has PE so its not like they will be doing loads academically, however on the other side, she was a pony and I don't know how the school will feel on a days absence due to that.

AIBU to keep him off or take him in late tomorrow? Or should I just take him in as normal?

OP posts:

Report

Couchpotato3 · 18/10/2017 23:49

Definitely let him have the day off. Just tell school he's not feeling well, no need to go into detail. Sorry about your pony and hope your DS is OK.

defineme · 18/10/2017 23:50

I would say he's ill, poor boy, people at my work have had the day off when their dog died. I was devastated when my 20 year old cat died

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 23:51

Did you ask him if he thinks he'd be ok going in? If he doesn't, keep him off, be honest about the reason and be prepared for it to be unauthorised.

Davros · 18/10/2017 23:51

Day off absolutely

wobblywonderwoman · 18/10/2017 23:51

Sorry to hear that
I would keep him off but I wouldn't tell them it was because of the pony. I would mention fatigue/health issue.

They may not understand. It sounds like he needs to be at home. He is 13 and it is one day.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 23:53

Don't ask him to lie about being ill.

Theresamayscough · 18/10/2017 23:54

So sorry op it’s awful isn’t it.

Let him choose tomorrow and back his choice but if he’s awake tonight or has a restless one and still asleep
at wake up time leave him be.

Say he’s ill.

washingmachinefastwash · 18/10/2017 23:55

Day off.

I’m so sorry about your pony.

Theresamayscough · 18/10/2017 23:56

It’s ok to lie about being ill. School/work don’t need to know personal details and all aspects of your life. That’s fine

sweetkitty · 18/10/2017 23:57

When DD2s bearded dragon died I kept her off school, she was too upset to go in (it happened in the morning). If he was working he would get compassionate leave or should do.

SuburbanRhonda · 18/10/2017 23:59

On every thread about school attendance in the past couple of days, people have been asking why schools send out the same attendance letter whether you're ill or skiving.

People posting "just say he's ill" demonstrate perfectly why it's impossible to know who is genuine when so many people advocate lying to the school.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2017 00:00

Just tell the school there's been a family bereavement last night and he's extremely upset.

Unless he has a bad attendance record, I'm sure that will be enough information.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2017 00:03

worra

We have a bereavement policy in our school
and two staff have been trained to support children who have been bereaved.

We understand that children will be affected by the death of a family pet, but calling it a family bereavement and not the death of a pet is dishonest.

Raizel · 19/10/2017 00:03

Your a braver person then me to put this on here I hope you get kind responses.

100% keep him off. The loss of any kind of animal/pet that is close to the family can be devastating even for adults let alone children. Especially since DS and pony seemed to have a great bond.

Sorry this has happened and all the best to you, DS and your family.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2017 00:09

I don't believe it is dishonest Rhonda, unless the OP doesn't explain if questioned further.

The child is suffering from a bereavement.

littlechou · 19/10/2017 00:10

Keep him off..

“We had bad news last night and compounded with his health issue he is too fatigued to come to school due to lack of/restless sleep”

No lies in that statement!

Sorry about your pony

ilovesooty · 19/10/2017 00:11

If he doesn't feel up to going in tomorrow I'd keep him off but be honest about the reason. If it has to be unauthorised that's how it is but it sounds as though he might be too distressed and exhausted to attend tomorrow.

CoolCarrie · 19/10/2017 00:12

Definitely keep him off, your poor lad. The pony was a huge part of his life and was part of your family. 🌸

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2017 00:14

But what's working with saying "our family pet has died"?

Most people's understanding of the phrase "a family bereavement" would be that member of the family had died.

SuburbanRhonda · 19/10/2017 00:15

Wrong, not working

Nameless21 · 19/10/2017 00:18

Yes, keep him off. I think I'd be honest with school - he grew up with this pony and is terribly upset by her death which happened around his usual bedtime so no real time to settle a little before sleep. Poor lad. And so sorry about your pony - I missed my two old horses for a long, long time after they died - still do.

GretchenFranklin · 19/10/2017 00:18

How sad for you all .

Fanciedachange17 · 19/10/2017 00:20

See how he feels in the morning. He may be better off going to school for the distraction? I wouldn't send him but I would let the school know why.

Sorry about the pony. 22 years is a very long time and your DS has never known a time without the pony being there.

Mittens1969 · 19/10/2017 00:21

I would keep him off school, unless he wants to go in, don’t wake him up if he’s still asleep. I recommend being honest about the reason, they will offer him support. Even if it’s unauthorised I would still keep him off, poor boy.

Sorry for the loss of your pony. I know what it’s like to lose a beloved pet.

RobotGoat · 19/10/2017 00:21

Your poor DS

“We had bad news last night and compounded with his health issue he is too fatigued to come to school due to lack of/restless sleep”

This is perfect. It's true, understandable, and should be accepted by the school as sickness because that's basically what it is, given his existing health problems. I'd definitely want to take a day off work if one of my cats died unexpectedly, and I'm an adult.

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