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Speak to me if you left an abusive marriage and re married.

(4 Posts)
ferriswheel Wed 18-Oct-17 22:34:48

I'm far from ready for another relationship. I have very small children and am far from getting divorced because eventually stbxh is being as difficult as he can manage.

I'm fat, tired and out of the loop in every aspect of my life.

What changes? How does it change and you brave people move on enough to get married?

Please give me hope and wise words. I can't imagine ever recovering from this heartache and trauma. I also more importantly can't imagine trusting another man with my kids, particularly as their father is so unloyal and selective in how he cares for them.

ferriswheel Wed 18-Oct-17 22:36:04

And, I'm 40.

MyNameWasElizaDay Wed 18-Oct-17 23:08:41

I left my first husband when I was 25, no kids involved thankfully. It took me years to get a divorce because the arse wouldn't sign the papers. I met my now DH at 36 and got married at 46. I waited to make sure (well as sure as you can be) I was doing the right thing.

I used to think I never wanted to meet anyone else, that I couldn't trust a man not to turn out to be an abusive cheat. I was very happily single for ten years before I met my DH.

I did a lot of work on myself in those ten years to understand my past relationships, build my self confidence and self esteem and it wasn't until I began to like and respect myself that I met a man who respected me too.

He's the only man who has ever really loved me because he respects me, his actions back up his words, he accepts me as I am and he's never given me any reason not to trust that he is faithful.

Focusing on myself, getting to know and understand myself better really helped me come to terms with the abuse. Women's Aid freedom programme is great for helping you understand what's happened to you

Good luck flowers

theoldtrout01876 Thu 19-Oct-17 02:13:43

I got divorced at 37 after 12 years married. I had 3 kids between 7 and 9. Exh was abusive in every way and my divorce was very acrimonious

I said Id NEVER marry again. I was traumatized, so were the kids.

I married my now DH 10 months later and have been very happily married for 15 years.

Id known my now DH as a sort of friend ( met on an internet forum) for 4 years before ( he was in the UK and I was in the USA ) but when the shit hit the fan during my divorce, he stepped up and supported me from afar, listened to me rant etc. He came to meet me 3 months after my divorce and things just clicked. They did with him and the kids too. WE married 7 months after that.

Not what Id envisioned but it worked out well, hes awesome

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