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To ask about events in your life that have stayed with you and why?

(36 Posts)
nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 19:40:38

I’ve had a few experiences during my teenage years that have affected me (and still do) in my adult life.

I don’t talk about these things due to fear of being judged and sometimes wonder if there are people out there that have had similar experiences and how/if it still affects them like they do me.

I don’t want to divulge too much information on here but would be interesting to see if anyone comes forward with an experience I can relate too.

Feel free to share or not

FeckinHell Wed 18-Oct-17 19:58:44

Name changed for this.
In my early 20's mr and boyfriend walking down Tottenham Court Road early hours of morning
Just left a club and both drunk, boyfriend high on cocaine.
He started shouting at me, hitting me and threatening to push me through a shop window.
I thought I was going to die. Pushed up against a shop window with him banging my head on it.
Screaming "please someone help me."
3 Squad cars literally screech up. Arrest him.
Apparently they had 5 separate phone calls from concerned public.
Once down the station the police treated me with absolute contemp (sp?)
Especially as I refused to press charges as I knew boyfriend would finish the job off if I did.
2. Terminating boyfriends baby 1 month after said incident.sad

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:14:38

@FeckinHell

I’m sorry that this happened to you. I can imagine how that would still affect you now.

Thanks for sharing. Hope life is sweet for you now flowers

FeckinHell Wed 18-Oct-17 20:29:29

Do you know it all feels kind of surreal.
I really thought that he was going to kill me.
He was a nasty bastard but that night I have never seen such evil in his eyes.
Life much better now . Never shared that in real life .

Needadvicetoleave Wed 18-Oct-17 20:34:50

Not many if I'm honest, which is odd as I've been raped and had a miscarriage (unconnected) however the things that have stayed with me are positive things, the guy I really fancies liking me back, that feeling of anticipation before our first kiss, those events have stayed with me far more.

CoveredInFondant Wed 18-Oct-17 20:36:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onlyonce Wed 18-Oct-17 20:41:04

The day my mum chased me down the stairs, backed me into a corner and kept hitting me over the head and arms with one of her shoes. I was 17. Didn't really dwell on it that much but now I have my own DD and I know I would never lay a finger on her. Not in a million years. Makes what my mum did hard to get my head around. It wasn't a regular occurrence. I rang my dad and he said I had probably deserved it.

For something lovely that has stayed with me that's more positive. My counsellor. Had and is changing my life.

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:42:05

@Needadvicetoleave This is lovely! I need to try and look at the positives but certain things just sit so heavily on my mind

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:42:40

@CoveredInFondant I like that one cake

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:45:20

@Onlyonce Thank you for sharing. How awful for you flowers

I’ve been wondering if I should start seeing a counsellor and just talking through the things that still bother me. How have you found it? In what ways does it help?

sayyouwill Wed 18-Oct-17 20:45:53

Okay, bit dark but...

I sliced my arm open using a kitchen knife on purpose. I don't know what I wanted to achieve by it but I didn't care about anything at that point. Started to bleed very, very heavily and my ex (who had been with me and egging me on) ran out shouting about what a psycho I was. Neighbours came round and found me. They were having a party at the time. They brought me into their home, hugged me, bandaged me up, called an ambulance, sat with me for hours watching silly tv until it came. They held my hand as the paramedic stitched me up and tucked me into bed after. One sat up all night outside my bedroom to keep an eye on me. They refused to let my ex come anywhere near me.
They saved my life. I moved not long after and I often think about them and what they did for a stranger

MycatsaPirate Wed 18-Oct-17 20:49:04

Lots of things. Some good, some bad, some that just 'are'.

Losing both my parents at the age of 6. Definitely on the shit scale and in awful circumstances but outwith my control. I often wonder where I would have ended up if I hadn't been adopted and had remained with my parents and younger sister.

Finding a half sister. Truly a fucking mindblowing day. Few days before Christmas, snow everywhere, DD's present stuck in a warehouse somewhere along the M8 and my friend had offered to drive me to collect it. Did the walk to and from school, got home and found a message on FB asking me if my name at birth was XXX and my DOB and place of birth. All correct except the name. Wrote back and said, different surname but yeah, same details. Woman said she was trying to track down birth mother for someone and had come across me as being from the same mum. I finally spoke to my sister a few hours later and then rang my other sister to tell her and they rang each other. Was the BEST Christmas present ever.

Holding both my children for the first time. Nothing beats that as magical.

I'm going to ignore all the other negative stuff because it doesn't need to be in my head, never mind on here.

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:49:04

@sayyouwill Wow- I’m glad you had people that were able to help you. Your ex sounds like an asshole. Hope you are much better now

Needadvicetoleave Wed 18-Oct-17 20:52:08

@noseyfucker it isn't intentional at all, just seems to be the way I'm made up! I generally like that, very live and let live and move on sort of person!

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:53:19

@MycatsaPirate Thank you for sharing. What a story!

I’m sorry you lost your parents at such a young age flowers

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 20:54:13

@Needadvicetoleave I need to be more like you

Bitsandbobsalot Wed 18-Oct-17 21:05:02

For me I have a few but the biggest one being when I decided to leave my exh. I was so frightened of him he was so abusive and after 7 years I was so wore down, weighted 7 stone wet and having multiple panic attacks daily. It was so bad my doctor was considering sectioning me. BUT One night after hours of him shouting at me accusing me of cheating, and trying to put me back in my very well trained place I’d had enough and at 2am I’m my pj’s I grabbed my dog and walked and walked and I came to a high bridge miles away from home and for I don’t know how long I stood there wanting to throw myself off it. It was like I had a angel on my shoulder because in that moment something inside me switched from a weak frightened little girl into a very strong determined woman. I went home slept on the sofa till 9am and got straight into see a a solicitor. Nobody believed I’d actually leave him. I told him I was leaving him and as the house was HA and in my name I was serving him notice to leave. He went ape but I wasn’t scared or that bothered. He was spewing vile at me for a couple of hours but I just kept saying I want you to go and stayed calm and he did he left. To teach me a lesson apparently.
I locked that door and never let him back.

I’m now very happily married to a man who is my rock. He helped built me up and the faith he has in me is amazing. He makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. I’ve never really being loved by anyone other than my kids but for the first time in my life I know I’m loved. It’s the best feeling in the world. I’m very lucky
Also not had a panic attack since and I’m now a healthy weight.

nosyfucker Wed 18-Oct-17 21:20:21

@Bitsandbobsalot What a lovely outcome for you. After what you went through you sound like you really deserve it.

These stories have really made me look at the positives i have in my life. We can all have horrible experiences but still come out the other side. I’m going to try and forget the bad and remember the good. Despite some of things that have happened to me (which is nothing to some of the stories on this thread) I now have a loving partner, 2 DC, a supportive family and a nice home.

LemonysSnicket Wed 18-Oct-17 21:24:18

My dad telling me he was leaving - I remember the book I was reading and it wasn’t even very enjoyable.
Screaming at my step mum when drunk , really loud, crying angry screaming.
My mum seeing my self harm scars ( funnily enough also a kitchen knife to the arm) and the glare she gave me.

Not overwhelmingly bad but I guess I just remember them because they were bad and they hurt me.

Onlyonce Wed 18-Oct-17 21:47:10

Nosyfucker

I think it's mainly about being able to talk without being judged. It won't change things that have already happened but being able to have acceptance is a lovely thing.

CoveredInFondant Wed 18-Oct-17 22:09:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMyCircusNotMyProblem Wed 18-Oct-17 22:46:02

My mum dying of cancer when I was 12. It was the first time I'd had to deal with death.

My best friend being killed in a car crash on her 18th birthday. I never imagined people could die so young.

My own fight with cancer. I really thought I was going to die... but I didn't and it made me a very strong person.

user1497199406 Wed 18-Oct-17 23:06:49

Losing my baby following an ectopic pregnancy.

Watching my Grandad who I idolised die of cancer.

Meeting my partner - a perfectly run of the mill night out that turned into ten years of my life.

Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Finding out I had got my job that I love.

ASmallBlueberry Wed 18-Oct-17 23:32:42

I was abused by my mum's boyfriend when I was a young child. I was 6 when he would threaten to kill my beloved cat if I didn't do certain things. I also remember coming home from a relatives house once and him telling me that the pie he was eating had my cat in it. They let me believe that until the cat came meowing at the door. Funnily enough I remember very little of the actual physical abuse but those bits always stay in my mind because I remember how it felt.

On a positive note, I'll always remember the first time I saw my now DH. I was only 17 and I'd just started working at a local coffee shop. I was stood in the back, loading the dishwasher and he came in to check his shifts - he smiled at me and introduced himself and I thought 'oh, it's you'. I remember just before we even got properly together, I was lying on my bed listening to Shining Light by Ash and thinking 'this is what we'll dance to at our wedding'. 4 years later, at just 21, we danced to that song at our wedding.

Another thing that sticks in my head - and it's sad - is being probably 14 and wandering along the street to visit my gran. My step dad had been horrid to me, my mum was very depressed and I was having a bad time. I remember thinking 'one day, somebody will probably accidentally get me pregnant, they'll leave and me and my baby will have a house and then I'll make a nice life for us. I just have to get my baby and then we'll be alone and we'll have a happy life'. At the time, I really didn't believe there was any possible alternative. It just wasn't in my head at all that I - or my future babies - would have a happy family. I had no frame of reference for a loving family, men to me had either left or been abusive. My heart breaks for my younger self because I really didn't know happiness and I felt desperate to escape and I imagine my obsession with having a baby was just to feel - and give - unconditional love. Happily, my DH has only ever treated me well and we do have a wonderful little girl now who has only known happiness and love. She is perfect, clever and has her daddy's lovely eyes. As a mother, I feel so sad for that young girl who was unable to even dream of having a loving, happy family of her own.

PatriciaBateman Wed 18-Oct-17 23:36:15

Realising that all of the people I have ever had truly deep romantic and lustful feelings for are women.

I'm married to a man. I love him, but nothing like to that level, and certainly nowhere near the same physical desire.

I wish I had realised this about myself earlier, much earlier.

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