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AIBU?

To ask if anyone wants a safe space online for women who're survivors of sexual assault?

23 replies

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 18/10/2017 16:24

So, the last few days have been pretty harrowing with Weinstein revelations and the #MeToo trending. Harrowing but enlightening to confirm what I’ve suspected - that a huge amount of women experience sexual assault. Ive posted his elsewhere so forgive me if you’ve seen this twice.

I’ve been thinking over the last few days how I can help. I think the first step is to talk about it, or at least see others talk about it and get support from people who know what you’ve been through. Mumsnet is a great place for this and it’s anonymous but I feel that we’re constantly coming up against NAMALT posters, MRA infiltrators and trolls.

I’ve set up a Facebook group for survivors of sexual assault and rape. Please check my posting history to see that I’m a genuine poster and that I’ve shared my story several times about how my stepdad sexually abused and harassed me and how my mum found out and is still with him.

To protect my identity I’ve used my sock Facebook account to open it. I’ll only accept females (born females) to the group. It’s a secret group so no one on your friends list can see you’re in it. I won’t post the group name here but if you’d like to join please feel free to PM me. I’ll PM you back a link to add my sock account as a friend (I can only add friends to secret groups). I have zero friends in my sock account so I know whoever adds me wants to be part of the group, and I won’t ask for your real name on here so I won’t be able to link your username and real name. Happy to accept sock Facebook accounts as I know people don’t want to share their real name. I will do a quick check on posting history to weed out the weirdos and MRAs.

You don’t have to share your story in the group, it’s more for a place to get support and discuss issues and sometimes just vent. I know a lot of people would really benefit from that.

OP posts:

Report

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 07:26

Cheeky bump!

OP posts:

Inktober · 19/10/2017 10:00

"weed out the weirdos and MRAs"

I'm not sure if the internet is the right place for you.

I'd point out to anyone looking to join this group that a) it will not be as anonymous as the OP likes to imagine 2) her weeding out is based on nothing but a hunch. A false sense of security is a bad thing. Especially for anyone feeling vulnerable.

"I’ll only accept females (born females) to the group."

Why?

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 19/10/2017 10:02

Whats a 'sock group' and how do you prove you are born female? Fanny photos?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 19/10/2017 10:03

.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 19/10/2017 10:07

BTW - I've reported this thread. You are using the same techniques that are used for cat fishing, looking for vulnerable women, and wanting their personal details and stories.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 10:36

Dunk I’m really not. I’m a long standing poster, do an AS if you like. 🙄

OP posts:

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 10:37

Ink because I’m a female sexual assault survivor and don’t want to share my story with men.

I didn’t say it would be anonymous, I said it would be as safe as I can make it.

And yes there are MRAs who flock to threads about rape and sexual assault and try to deny women’s experiences

OP posts:

TenForward82 · 19/10/2017 10:38

Sadly nowhere on the internet is safe.

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2017 10:42

I can see that you're coming from a good place here OP but I'm not sure you've thought it through.

Nothing is safe on the internet and even if you could be 100% sure those joining the group were female, you can't be 100% sure they're not journalists, or female trolls.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 10:44

Hence the AS beforehand Worra, yes nothing is 100% safe but if nothing comes up on a AS, of the poster is clearly a man or journalist or apologist I wouldn’t send a link. It’s not foolproof I know but the best I can think of. I have nothing like this IRL and think it would be useful. I’m sick of telling my story on here and people jumping on to say NAMALT 🙄

OP posts:

KrytensNanobots · 19/10/2017 10:52

What worra said. Nice thing to be doing, but this is the internet. Nowhere's a safe space.
Advanced search will only get you so far. People name change.
You could be anyone too looking for stories.

KrytensNanobots · 19/10/2017 10:56

Ink because I’m a female sexual assault survivor and don’t want to share my story with men.

Genuine question -how do you know that everyone joining your group from here would be female? How do you tell that then?
Males are on here too and could easily pretend to be female.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 11:01

Like I say Krysten people can AS me, I’m not a journalist I haven’t been posting for years in order to ‘catfish’ people.but if people think I am then they don’t have to join.

Yes AS will only get me so far, but it’s the best I can think of. It would be a small group, I’m not looking at world domination just somewhere for survivors to gather under a ‘more’ secretive place than MN

OP posts:

newtlover · 19/10/2017 11:01

...what everyone has said- I can see why you would want this but really can't see how you can acheive it, unless you only accept people personally known to you, in which case, meet IRL. Sadly there are sick bastards who once they are aware this exists will find a way to crash it.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 19/10/2017 11:05

There are people who target vulnerable people, th y glean information, they string them along, they play on their sympathies and vulnerability for many reasons, could be financial sting, could be to get close to their children.

I trust anyone or anything I read on the internet.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup · 19/10/2017 11:06

I dont* trust any one or any thing I read on the internet.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 19/10/2017 11:14

Well that’s a shame for you Dunk, I guess people will just have to take it in faith that I’m not lying about the sexual abuse I endured from my stepfather that I have touched on in great detail here. I’m not asking for financial details, real names or any personal details whatsoever. I would be the shittest scammer ever if this was a scam. Sometimes people can use their common sense to ascertain if something is genuine or not. If you don’t want to do that then that’s fine.

OP posts:

Weather1235 · 19/10/2017 11:32

Agree with Dunk

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 19/10/2017 11:32

The common sense required here is not to sign up.

Sorry OP, but we all know that long term trolls exist, and that an ad on a much-trolled wide open site is likely to be unhelpful to your aim.

Building support resources is a good thing. But that doesn't make this an appropriate way to set about it.

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 19/10/2017 11:35

How on earth can you know that people were born female? If you have set it up under a false name then people who join can join with false names and stories. Please don’t be so naive OP and don’t encourage other vulnerable and naive people to put their stories of abuse on the internet! There is no safe space on the internet.

KrytensNanobots · 19/10/2017 12:02

I would be the shittest scammer ever if this was a scam.

Scams aren't always financial. Some sickos could set up a scam group to get off on others abuse, or others could join for the same reason.
Sorry, as horrible as it sounds that's the reality.
No space on the internet is a safe place to give out emotional stories. (Not even on here.)

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2017 16:16

Hence the AS beforehand Worra, yes nothing is 100% safe but if nothing comes up on a AS, of the poster is clearly a man or journalist or apologist I wouldn’t send a link.

I get what you're saying, but how would that work on a forum like Mumsnet, where name changing is positively encouraged?

Also...
I would be the shittest scammer ever if this was a scam

It's not just you, it's other people you need to worry about who prey on vulnerable women to scam them.

As I said, I can see you're coming from a good place, but I just don't think it's a good idea.

C8H10N4O2 · 19/10/2017 22:23

I've been a member of a few women only groups online which worked on a vouching system or similar.

However it was made very clear to all members that whilst memberships were vouched as far as possible it could never be guaranteed that all members were exactly what they said. This was a regular reminder on the groups.

They generally did work but a key difference from FB was that they were all on systems which allowed pseudonymous membership, rather like here. On FB most people do sign up with real names. I would be worried about even a best endeavours group discussing such sensitive issues with members using their real names.

If you have an alternative venue which allows nicknames I think it would be safer for members.

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