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To think most people are in relationships out of fear?

(78 Posts)
Backoff85 Wed 18-Oct-17 15:58:05

Seems like i read a lot of threads and meet a lot of couples where one or both have cheated or arent happy or theres a big imbalance.

Sure there are other reasons to stay like sunken costs etc. But AIBU to think that lots of people stay because theyre scared of social stigma or having to downsize or just the quiet of an empty house?

I really respect single people.

Bertsfriend Wed 18-Oct-17 16:02:44

No, I'm not. I enjoyed being single but dh and I are good and kind to each other. I think some people stay in bad relationships due to reasons you've given but I hope it's not most people.

Eolian Wed 18-Oct-17 16:04:15

I don't respect single people any more than attached people. Few relationships are perfect, but many people have valid reasons for staying in a relationship even if it's not perfect - for example love (in spite of problems), companionship, things in common. I think LTB at once when I read lots of the Relationships threads. But the Relationships board is not a fair reflection of the average relationship. People tend to post about their problems, not about their happy relationships!

NoCryLilSoftSoft Wed 18-Oct-17 16:05:50

I really respect single people.

What have I done to earn your respect? confused

I assume you aren't single? Do you not respect yourself? Are you in an unhappy relationship?

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 18-Oct-17 16:08:21

Yes you are.
It's a very odd to say you really respect single people, and everyone else is leading a miserable life.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 18-Oct-17 16:09:18

I respect people who make good choices for their lives.

Why are people who choose to be on their own more deserving of your respect?

I stayed in my first marriage longer than I should have because I was scared of leaving. But when the fear of staying overcame the fear of leaving, I left.

Not sure what your point is OP.

Theresamayscough Wed 18-Oct-17 16:09:38

i really respect single people

What if they are a massive arse hole? Lots are,as are lots of couples.

I lov dh that’s why I stay guessing that’s the same for most people

HarrietKettleWasHere Wed 18-Oct-17 16:10:37

You just blanket respect ALL single people?confused

Cath2907 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:11:07

I love my husband. He makes me laugh, he lets me put my cold feet on him in the evening to warm them up, we share a love of bad telly and Pringles.. today I have had to go away for work. He gave me a hug because I was a bit weepy and didn’t want to go, he carried my bag to the taxi and will look after our daughter and all the house stuff for the week until I return. We are a team and I am not with him out of any sort of fear. I enjoyed being single into my late 20s before I met him and owned my own flat etc... I can see the attraction of the single life but I’d miss having a foot warmer!

ASmallBlueberry Wed 18-Oct-17 16:11:16

That's quite an odd idea. I can only speak for myself, but when I was younger it was fear that kept me single. Growing up, I'd seen so many relationships and marriages fall apart and hurt people - I always said I wouldn't do it.

For me, allowing myself to fall in love and allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to share my life...it is the bravest thing I've done.

Backoff85 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:12:02

What I mean is it takes a lot of courage and self reliance to opt for facing life's ups and downs alone when so many others just "settle" so they dont have to deal with feeling lonely or fielding "how come you're single" questions.

sinceyouask Wed 18-Oct-17 16:12:20

Weird post.
I'm not in my relationship out of fear. I don't think most people are.
You respect single people? How nice. Do you not respect anyone with a partner?

zzzzz Wed 18-Oct-17 16:12:33

most?...erm no. Some maybe, but not most.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:13:19

No I’m not, I am here because I love him and he makes me happy.

I’m sure a small amount of people stay for the reasons you’ve listed but most people will be in a relationship becuase they want that person and they want to spend there life with them.

Yabu

Calic0 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:14:33

What an odd thing to say.

I'm in a relationship with my husband because we love and respect each other and get on very well. It's not all kittens and roses by any stretch but it certainly isn't because I fear the alternative. And I have no reason to think that I am unusual in that regards.

As for respecting single people - what about the single people who would rather not be single? Are they deserving of more or less respect than those who are single by choice?

teaandtoast Wed 18-Oct-17 16:14:41

I can see what you mean. I probably did stay in my early relationships because of fears about money, 'everyone' seemed to be in couples, what if I ended up 'on the shelf'? Easy to scoff at now, but there has been a sea-change in attitudes since I was young. Not to mention the previous massive stigma of the 'unmarried mother'.

Calic0 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:16:26

I think it's quite insulting to imply that many people in relationships are settling in some way.

HarrietKettleWasHere Wed 18-Oct-17 16:17:19

My friend is single because she's got a stupid list of things men she dates must adhere to. They have to be a minimum of five foot 11. They MUST pay. They must be into fitness. They should not drink beer when they are out somewhere nice. They should have savings out aeay and a job that earns them over £50,000. They have to be able to drive.

She's single. I don't think I respect her much for her dating choices though, as she thinks people who accept less than her list are settling and don't like themselves very much....hmm

HerOtherHalf Wed 18-Oct-17 16:17:43

I think you're skewed in whatever logic you used that led you to determine it is "most" people. The volume of threads on here started by people who feel trapped in an unhappy relationship is saddening but not many people are going to start a thread just to say they're happy and fulfilled.

You have a very jaded outlook on life and relationships and that is a shame, possibly indicative of a much deeper psychological issue.

Backoff85 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:17:44

@teaandtoast

Yeah exactly!

I'm not having a go at anyone, but I mean clearly there's something in it when you've got so many posters replying absolutely aghast and stunned by such an "odd" thing to say.

I mean, it's clearly not odd at all.

I'm in a happy relationship and it is easier than being single. It just is, on every level imaginable. Its not then a huge stretch to imagine how many people would choose an acceptable but nothing more relationship over being single.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 18-Oct-17 16:17:59

It's just a very situational thing to think.
Yes, its better to be single than to be in a shit relationship. But if you are in a happy, loving relationship, then there is no problem. It's weird to assume every single person has chosen to be because they were previously in a shit relationship, or that every couple are miserable.

Backoff85 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:19:09

@HerOtherHalf

And maybe your other half aint all that but makes you feel better than being alone.

Ooh, this random assumptions game is FUN!

maddiemookins16mum Wed 18-Oct-17 16:19:52

Odd. I was single for years (and unhappy and happy in probably equal measure). Married now, mainly very, very happy. My biggest fear is actually losing my DP to some awful disease.

Backoff85 Wed 18-Oct-17 16:19:56

@FakePlasticTeaLeaves Where did I say I was assuming it about everyone? Stop projecting.

Theresamayscough Wed 18-Oct-17 16:20:09

My sister is single through choice and I respect her choice because she’s totally absorbed and narcissistic and would have made a piss poor wife and mother.
Her words

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