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Can someone please please talk some sense in me? I'm so miserable.

(5 Posts)
PennyDreadfull Wed 18-Oct-17 15:12:59

Posted in Relationships but also here for traffic.
For context, my DH cheated on me 6 months ago. He carried it on with someone at work for four weeks before I found out. We went through a lot of tears, emotional discussions, and soul searching before I decided to reconcile with him, as I could see my way to forgiving him. (I understand why the affair happened, although I will never condone his actions).
Currently working things out and taking it one day at a time.

We both recently started new jobs.
I've been at mine for 3 months now.

I work with a man who I've been getting very close to. We are the same age, we have exactly the same likes, interests, and just totally click on so many levels.
He is the kindest, funniest and nicest man I've ever met and is totally gorgeous on top of that.

He also has a girlfriend. I have always known that and he also knows that I'm married.
We talk a lot and I see him every day obviously, we sit together and there is a huge emotional connection between us both. He knows about what I've been through.
We text sometimes at weekends but not all the time.
There is a flirty element in our conversations at times but he normally conducts himself well. For example last week I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema with me after work to see a film we were both dying to see. He replied kindly that his girlfriend would feel weird about him going out with me. Fair enough.

My problem is this. I am totally and utterly crazy about him. I can't stop thinking about him. My heart flutters when I get a text in case it's from him. I look forward to going to work because I know I'll be with him all day. I fantasise about us being together constantly. I replay our conversations. I relive what he says to me.
His texts are never particularly flirty in the sense that he doesn't put kisses. Our banter at work can get a bit innuendo laced however.

I texted him a few days ago asking him if there was anything happening between us and he replied saying he thought I was a really nice person and we get on really well but he's sorry if he gave me that impression.

I'm miserable. The fact that he's such a great guy and isn't going to do the dirty on his girlfriend is making me feel worse.
I have to see him every day. I compare him to my husband who cheated.

Will I always feel like this? My feelings for him are so strong but there's nowhere for them to go is there?

Is this because of what my husband did to me?

DH is oblivious.

GreenTulips Wed 18-Oct-17 15:15:37

You need to make a decision on your marriage before you even consider anything else

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 18-Oct-17 15:16:35

Revenge affair.

I compare him to my husband who cheated. - until you get past this you are going to be utterly miserable. Either leave your husband because all trust is gone or start working on putting things back on track.

TieGrr Wed 18-Oct-17 15:31:39

You need to stop thinking about this other guy. Every time you catch yourself day dreaming, make yourself think about something else. Keep your distance from him in work and don't text him anymore.

RiseToday Wed 18-Oct-17 15:31:42

You compare him to your husband who cheated, yet you would be willing to start something up with this guy and he would then cheat on his GF, so he would be no better than your husband.

Sorry if I'm getting the wrong end of the stick here....

It sounds like this guy is on a nice little ego trip with you though. He leads you on and then pulls the rug out from under you. He's not a decent guy, unless you've massively misread friendliness as flirting but I think that's unlikely.

I think you need to concentrate on what you want to happen with your husband. That really needs to be addressed asap.

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