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to think that DH can hold the baby for longer than an hour?

(104 Posts)
PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:31:05

DS is 8 weeks old and ebf. AIBU to think that DH should be able to hold him, without drama, for longer than 1 hour? I never get time to myself and feel like a touched-out tramp. I'd like some time to do hair, makeup, wash and take medication (I have a skin condition). I have anxiety and depression.

Typically, about 50 minutes in DH starts asking "How long are you going to be?" and/or standing outside bedroom door with crying baby.

2014newme Wed 18-Oct-17 14:32:08

Tell him to take baby out for a walk rather than sir holding baby for an hour.

Sirzy Wed 18-Oct-17 14:32:31

He should be able to keep an eye on the baby for more than an hour. why does he need holding for the whole time? Or have I misunderstood?

BamburyFuriou3 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:33:45

There will be lots of people saying YANBU, but I think it's less about your DH, but how much your baby can cope without you. Mine have always been extremely attached to me at that age and could only cope with about 30mins without me holding them.
I used slings a lot for my own sanity (and still do).
By 4 months it eased up a bit. smile

PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:33:49

DS is very clingy and won't settle without being held.

PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:35:16

BamburyFuriou3 I love my sling! However some activities (like putting on my steroid skin scream or straightening my hair) are too dangerous to do slinged.

Kentnurse2015 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:35:21

8 weeks is still pretty small. Get him to go out for a walk to give you a rest but at that age I'm not sure I left them for any more than an hour anyway

PinkHeart5914 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:35:56

Of course he should be able to. I don’t understand this at all, presumably you both decided to have a child so you should both be able look after said child for a while.

Could you express some milk and go out the house on your own for a while have a coffee/walk etc and leave him to be the baby? If you aren’t there he will have no choice becuase he can’t ask you

If your home When he comes to the bedroom and asks how long your going to be, say “ I am not finished yet I am sure you can deal with your own child”

MrsGoToBed80 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:36:48

Ah yes, the old 'only Mum can fix it' excuse!

Obviously with the baby being ebf you do need to be on hand for feeds, but other than that there's no reason why Dad can't step up and let you have a bit of time for yourself. He's new at this though too remember, maybe he's feeling nervous/like he can't manage when baby is upset?

It might be an idea to reassure him that he will do just fine and get him used to settling baby without you. Can you nip put for a bit straight after a feed and leave them alone until baby needs feeding again? Just a couple of times so Dad becomes more confident in his abilities.

Unless he's just being a lazy arse. In which case tell him to get his head out of his backside and leave you alone for a while! It is his baby as much as it's yours and you deserve a break to have a bit of pamper (or rest!) time.

BamburyFuriou3 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:37:31

Agreed. And until they have good head control (and you've had experience/training) you can't put them on your back to Et cook.
Actually thinking about it, DH had variable success if I slings him up and he kept walking around the block until I rang him that it was safe to come home grin. (I had screamers - CMPA/tongue tie etc - and needed some non-contact time for my sanity)

Cuppaqueen Wed 18-Oct-17 14:37:50

At that age, I had a night out without baby (about 4 hours total)! DH had expressed milk to give him and they happily cuddled up on the sofa. YANBU. Your DH needs to invest time in holding your baby early on so that they are comfortable with each other. An hour should definitely not be too much to ask even with a clingy baby, especially if he's already been fed.

DeleteOrDecay Wed 18-Oct-17 14:39:00

YANBU. Him asking how long you’re going to be would make me see red. It implies he is doing you some sort of favour, as if looking after the baby is solely your responsibility.

RB68 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:39:45

SOunds like he is bored being one handed!!

MagicFajita Wed 18-Oct-17 14:39:56

Yanbu.

He needs to learn to settle his child.

hula008 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:41:07

DH had expressed milk I had to read this a few times before I realised that your DH hadn’t produced breast milk for your DSgrin

PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:43:00

It implies he is doing you some sort of favour, as if looking after the baby is solely your responsibility.

That's how it feels to me. sad I burst into tears today when he did it - yet again - as I was half way through putting my makeup on.

Then he told me IWBU and hard to live with because I got upset.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Wed 18-Oct-17 14:45:47

Tbh I couldn’t hold a baby for an hour so I do feel for your DH a bit in that sense. What’s the problem with putting the baby down?

MrsGoToBed80 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:45:50

He's being a prat. Try going in the bathroom when he is right in the middle of showering or shaving and saying 'right, here you go take the baby please. No, don't object, you need to stop what you are doing right this second and take over I'm busy'.

Reasonable? Not at all. But should make your point loud and clear!

MagicFajita Wed 18-Oct-17 14:46:30

Not defending him op (not in the slightest) but could it be that he's frustrated because he doesn't know what to do? How do you think he would react to suggestions like , trying him in a bouncy chair or taking him out for a stroll etc.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Wed 18-Oct-17 14:50:14

I hate this. The constant in the background getting you a break bollocks!

Take the baby out! Figure out whether nappy needs changing. No idea whether he's tired. Try and rock him.

It's no break at all otherwise.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 18-Oct-17 14:50:51

Try going in the bathroom when he is right in the middle of showering or shaving and saying 'right, here you go take the baby please. No, don't object, you need to stop what you are doing right this second and take over I'm busy'.

The baby is 8 weeks old. Neither of them know what to do and uteri do not confer magical baby-understanding powers. They learn as they go. Unless she always takes the baby, in which case he will always be useless.

MessyBun247 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:52:37

Express some milk and give the baby a dummy, then hand him to your DH. Your DH is being a dick and needs to step up and be a parent. The baby is his, just as much as yours. Is he normally a selfish twat?

PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:52:41

Tbh I couldn’t hold a baby for an hour

I hold baby for many hours on end. I've never actually left the house without him.

He's being a prat. Try going in the bathroom when he is right in the middle of showering or shaving and saying 'right, here you go take the baby please. No, don't object, you need to stop what you are doing right this second and take over I'm busy'.

And then leave the house for a stroll? grin I could do that.

could it be that he's frustrated because he doesn't know what to do?

How am I magically to know what to do, just because I have ovaries?

PeppersTheCat Wed 18-Oct-17 14:55:34

Breastfeeding seems to be a get out of jail free card for DH. If I formula fed he would have no excuse but to hold the baby, would he? And I could have as long as I need? I can't see how to get equity in this relationship unless I give up bf, which is a damn shame sad

It's no break at all otherwise.

THANK YOU.

Lapena17 Wed 18-Oct-17 14:55:52

What?? He's the baby's parent as well!! You ve put up with nine months of pregnancy, giving birth, recovering from the birth, dealing with leaky boobs and no doubt are up several times at night to bf! Tell him he's got it easy just holding the baby! I feel for you OPflowers

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