Background info: DH and I married for 10 years, no kids, both work full time, comfortably off. When we first met I had my own property, he was in rented. He moved in with me and over the years we paid off a large chunk of the mortgage. We split all bills and mortgage but I paid a larger share as I always earned more. We were able to release some equity to buy a bigger house and rent the first one out. The first property is mortgaged in my name only (DH is fine with this) and DH has more or less left me to deal with the day to day issues of managing a rental. He tends to regard it as 'my' property but when we talk about the future he will acknowledge it as OUR investment, which is what we planned. I see it that legally we own both properties equally regardless of where we each started.
DH is an ex plumber. He has fixed various plumbing related issues at the rental property over the years but has been vocal about how much he dislikes doing it. He wants to spend his evenings and weekends relaxing and doing what he wants as much as possible.
Most recently, the tenants reported a plumbing problem and DH was reluctant to get involved, leaving it to me, the tenants and the water provider to sort out. The tenants and I have no plumbing knowledge but eventually we got the problem sorted after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. The water provider also identified a non-related plumbing issue in the property that was my/our responsibility to fix. Given DH's reluctance to give up his free time, I thought I would avoid any arguments/resentment by getting a plumber in to fix the problem, which I did. Problem solved. A while later DH asked if the plumbing issue had been resolved so I told him what had happened, thinking he would be relieved it was sorted without his involvement. He asked why I hadn't asked him to fix it. I said because he doesn't like doing it so I thought I was doing him a favour by getting someone else to do it. He hit the roof and said I should have offered him the chance to do it and the reason he hates doing it is because I don't pay him. He thinks I should pay him for his specialist knowledge, as I would any other trained tradesperson - I don't expect them to work for free so I shouldn't expect him to either. He doesn't expect the going rate, just £30 or so and for me to tell him he can spend it on himself or however he likes. Bearing in mind, we are comfortably off and he has plenty of his own money to spend on himself but it's the gesture he's after.
I have no problems in thanking him for what he's done but paying him just seems wrong. I pointed out I don't get paid for doing all the laundry, 90% of the cooking and general running of the household but he said it was different as those things don't require specialist skills. His logic is that paying him £30 is cheaper than a plumber so I'd be saving money, but I feel like a) I would be validating his belief that he's entitled to payment, which I totally disagree with, b) it's his property too, OUR future, OUR investment, it's not just me getting all the benefits and WE'd both be saving money and c) he can't expect to reap the longer term benefits without putting in some effort.
So, AIBU to not pay him?
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AIBU?
Paying DH to do work on our property
145 replies
lirpaloof · 18/10/2017 10:26
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