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Paying DH to do work on our property

(146 Posts)
lirpaloof Wed 18-Oct-17 10:26:39

Background info: DH and I married for 10 years, no kids, both work full time, comfortably off. When we first met I had my own property, he was in rented. He moved in with me and over the years we paid off a large chunk of the mortgage. We split all bills and mortgage but I paid a larger share as I always earned more. We were able to release some equity to buy a bigger house and rent the first one out. The first property is mortgaged in my name only (DH is fine with this) and DH has more or less left me to deal with the day to day issues of managing a rental. He tends to regard it as 'my' property but when we talk about the future he will acknowledge it as OUR investment, which is what we planned. I see it that legally we own both properties equally regardless of where we each started.

DH is an ex plumber. He has fixed various plumbing related issues at the rental property over the years but has been vocal about how much he dislikes doing it. He wants to spend his evenings and weekends relaxing and doing what he wants as much as possible.

Most recently, the tenants reported a plumbing problem and DH was reluctant to get involved, leaving it to me, the tenants and the water provider to sort out. The tenants and I have no plumbing knowledge but eventually we got the problem sorted after a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. The water provider also identified a non-related plumbing issue in the property that was my/our responsibility to fix. Given DH's reluctance to give up his free time, I thought I would avoid any arguments/resentment by getting a plumber in to fix the problem, which I did. Problem solved. A while later DH asked if the plumbing issue had been resolved so I told him what had happened, thinking he would be relieved it was sorted without his involvement. He asked why I hadn't asked him to fix it. I said because he doesn't like doing it so I thought I was doing him a favour by getting someone else to do it. He hit the roof and said I should have offered him the chance to do it and the reason he hates doing it is because I don't pay him. He thinks I should pay him for his specialist knowledge, as I would any other trained tradesperson - I don't expect them to work for free so I shouldn't expect him to either. He doesn't expect the going rate, just £30 or so and for me to tell him he can spend it on himself or however he likes. Bearing in mind, we are comfortably off and he has plenty of his own money to spend on himself but it's the gesture he's after.

I have no problems in thanking him for what he's done but paying him just seems wrong. I pointed out I don't get paid for doing all the laundry, 90% of the cooking and general running of the household but he said it was different as those things don't require specialist skills. His logic is that paying him £30 is cheaper than a plumber so I'd be saving money, but I feel like a) I would be validating his belief that he's entitled to payment, which I totally disagree with, b) it's his property too, OUR future, OUR investment, it's not just me getting all the benefits and WE'd both be saving money and c) he can't expect to reap the longer term benefits without putting in some effort.

So, AIBU to not pay him?

napmeistergeneral Wed 18-Oct-17 10:29:48

Wanting pocket money is odd. Either charge as a plumber (in which case you benchmark his quote against other professionals) or do it for free. Do you get paid for being the property manager? I expect not.....

NataliaOsipova Wed 18-Oct-17 10:30:11

He thinks I should pay him for his specialist knowledge, as I would any other trained tradesperson

But you're not in a relationship with any other tradesperson. That's why it's completely and utterly different. Either he does it as a household task, or he sucks up that you get someone else in to do it.

5rivers7hills Wed 18-Oct-17 10:30:28

Well if you follow that logic, you managing it is cheaper than getting an agent (specialist propert management skills) so he should be paying you...

EvansOvalPies Wed 18-Oct-17 10:30:52

You are not being unreasonable in the slightest, Lirp. Your husband is being a total knob. If you're in a relationship where bills are shared, then why on earth is he expecting to be paid? What nonsense.

MinervaSaidThar Wed 18-Oct-17 10:30:55

So he is quite happy to see the let property as his investment as well but wants you to all the managing and wants you to pay him for his work?

I would see a solicitor about protecting your assets. If you split with this man, he will go for as much as he can.

And yes, stop doing the twat's laundry/cooking until he starts paying you industry rates.

user1471449805 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:32:08

And yet people up and down the country pay others to clean their home, iron their shirts, look after their children, maintain their garden etc - sounds like DH is taking you and what you do (with your lack of specialist skills) for granted.

Ceebs85 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:32:40


What an odd man

ThereIsNoSuchThingAsRoadTax Wed 18-Oct-17 10:34:52

I pointed out I don't get paid for doing all the laundry, 90% of the cooking and general running of the household but he said it was different as those things don't require specialist skills.

If they don't require specialist skills, why isn't he doing his share of them?

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 18-Oct-17 10:35:32

Yanbu. Your dh sounds like a selfish prick actually. I too would see a solicitor and get that property properly sorted out, then start thinking of it as your property alone and ask him to quote for future jobs like everyone else. What an arse

LuxuryWoman2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:36:32

Um, I have no idea what to think other than your husband sounds an idiot.
If running a house doesn't require specialist skills perhaps he should be doing more of it? It's easy after all.

Very odd thinking from him. You have separate finances?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Wed 18-Oct-17 10:38:33

You're looking at it the wrong way. It's a rented property, it's a business. If he does work on it he should send you an invoice which you can then set against your tax. Yeah sure, if it's work on the house you live in then of course you should be able to expect him to use his knowledge and sort the problem out but it is different when it's a business.

IvorHughJars Wed 18-Oct-17 10:39:11

He's a dick. Hth.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 18-Oct-17 10:39:54

Would it not affect your household/landlord's insurance if you got your partner to do the work? Not that he's not qualified, but because he's related to you?

And yy to him being a knob saying that laundry and cooking don't require specialist knowledge. If they are that easy, then he can do them, can't he?

Ninjakittysmells Wed 18-Oct-17 10:41:52

Oh love, this has brought back memories! My ex and I used to renovate properties jointly. When we seperated, he wanted more of the equity and gave me a bill for all the work he had completed - down to changing light bulbs and taking rubbish to the tip. It was ridiculous and petty - which is exactly what your husband is being! You guys are a team, he’s doing work for the familys gain. He’s trying to compartmentalise himself from you, but that’s the road to ruin and resentment.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 18-Oct-17 10:44:07

Well it's not tax deductible if your husband does the work and wouldn't he feel rather patronised if you gave him a token amount?

Also, as you're married it really doesn't matter who owns what.

This is really weird.

ArcheryAnnie Wed 18-Oct-17 10:47:19

Either you are a family or you aren't. If he's desperate to be paid for his plumbing work, then I suggest you also put in an invoice, and tell him, for all the administration and management you do on both properties. I can guarantee your invoice will be bigger than his.

He's being a dick, OP, and a bit of a weird one at that. YANBU for not paying him.

KarateKitten Wed 18-Oct-17 10:47:56

That would be really crazy to pay him to do work he's skilled to do on his own investment. Even if it was just yours, you'd think as your partner he'd just do it!!!

Is he always this tight?

Also, how crazy to take money from you, pay tax on it, just for the sake of the money going into his account! Surely you could just take him out to dinner and pay some evening.

RB68 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:49:48

Who pays you for the management of the property?

Fishface77 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:50:14

Well he's a dick.

BadTasteFlump Wed 18-Oct-17 10:51:23

That just makes no sense.

If you are a family, surely all money in the pot is family money. Therefore he would be paying himself from his own money, surely?

You're either a team or you're not. And it sounds as if you're not flowers

RB68 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:51:49

The point is its an equal investment and at the moment you are doing all the running - your time is valuable as is your organisational skill. If you are dividing any proceeds from the investment equally then he has to accept he needs to contribute his skill in the same way that you are.

StormTreader Wed 18-Oct-17 10:52:52

Is he paying you for the property management service you are providing for his joint investment?

lirpaloof Wed 18-Oct-17 10:53:58

Thanks for your responses.

No, I don't get paid to manage the property as I can't see the benefit in taking money out of something that is supposed to be our nest egg. I could suggest doing so but if he agrees then we're both taking money from our future - it makes no sense especially when neither of us need the extra cash! His argument is that I can't be too worried about protecting our investment if I'm willing to pay a plumber the going rate when I could get the work done for £30.

pog100 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:54:34

do you get on well generally, because this just makes him sound like a tight bastard with a very odd view of relationships?

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