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DH won't cancel with some friends he sees regularly to meet with other friends we haven't seen much lately

(84 Posts)
revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:48:01

DH meets with some friends if his every Friday that's pretty much every Friday and very rarely gets canceled. We meet with some other friends (these ones are more mutual but DH can take them or leave them). Because of childcare and life in general, we haven't been able to see the Saturday ones in more than a month. We were originally supposed to see them on Saturday but they have childcare issues so suggested Friday instead. The Friday friends were likely to cancel because a friend of theirs was visiting but nothing has been confirmed. I thought the best solution was to cancel the Friday friends (as they might cancel anyways!) and see the others instead. DH basically said NO because he appreciates the continuity and routine of meeting his friends on Friday. I feel he's being unreasonable and inflexible because he's seen his friends and I haven't seen mine so it would make sense to put them first? Who's being unreasonable?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 18-Oct-17 09:50:16

Can you meet them all together?

user1471517900 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:53:13

Can he see his friends and you see your friends..... SEPARATELY?!

LilaoftheGreenwood Wed 18-Oct-17 09:54:07

You are, obviously.

revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:54:57

That has been suggested (to one of the couples but they didn't reply so I'm assuming they didn't like the idea). DH doesn't like that idea either because it still changes his plan. They know each other and are even friendly between them, but DH meets with them to play games for the most part and we meet the other two for socializing in general.

LilaoftheGreenwood Wed 18-Oct-17 09:54:57

Oh wait, unless you mean both sets have to come round to yours, in which case YANBU, can't your DH go and meet his set out somewhere?

Shedmicehugh Wed 18-Oct-17 09:57:12

Why doesnt he see his friends and you see your preferred friends on Friday?

revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:58:08

Yes, it has to be at our place for childcare reasons. I have en ever been out with the other two on my own, it has been suggested in the past but they never take it. I get they like hanging out the four of us together

strugglingtodomybest Wed 18-Oct-17 10:01:09

I have a rule that I never cancel plans with friends just because another offer comes along. So on that basis you are being unreasonable to ask your DH to change his plans. I do feel for you though. Does he go every Friday? Would he ever not go? I mean, if you planned a Friday night out with friends for 2 months time, would he agree to that, or is it every Friday forever?

MinervaSaidThar Wed 18-Oct-17 10:02:15

Couldn't you go out with your friends and leave DH with these other friends and the childcare?
Win win for you.

Shoxfordian Wed 18-Oct-17 10:06:27

Just invite them all round to yours and mix your social groups up a bit

revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:06:48

They always come every Friday, they only not come if there's some major reason they can't come (in our case it usually involves travelling). DH has canceled because he felt poorly I think. I think he would be OK with canceling to see other friends if it was a special occasion (ie birthday) but now that because we just felt like going out on a double date or whatever.

revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:11:23

My friends are difficult in that way. I've never really questioned why, but I've never managed to go out with just the two of them. They just never take the offer. Also, what we do has its own set routine, just like what my DH does with his has its own routine. That's why mixing them together doesn't really work

TwitterQueen1 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:17:02

You are bu. Your dh has a long-standing arrangement and this should be respected.

MinervaSaidThar Wed 18-Oct-17 10:24:39

Do these friends get fed and watered every Friday night? And do the Saturday ones get fed and watered on Saturday nights? No wonder they don't want to meet you elsewhere on your own!

I hope you're not doing the cooking/tidying/hosting every Fri night?

And I hope these friends contribute to the food bill.

MinervaSaidThar Wed 18-Oct-17 10:26:00

And while DH is playing games with the Fri night friends, what are you doing?

He sounds a bit selfish.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 18-Oct-17 10:26:31

Your dh is right on this one I think so it's an yabu from me

RhiannonOHara Wed 18-Oct-17 10:26:53

I agree with Minerva, it sounds like the set-up serves all your friends (and possibly your DH) very well!

DH is being very inflexible. The sky won't fall in if he misses ONE Friday night with them.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Wed 18-Oct-17 10:27:46

It’s a bit rude to cancel just because you’ve had a better offer. When I read the title I was imagining it would have been a year or more since you’d seen the other friends. Either invite everyone or find another time to see the second set of friends.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 18-Oct-17 10:28:52

Hang on, your dh goes out by himself with friends every Friday. As in, by himself, while you don’t go out. You, as his wife would like to go out and socialise with him and other friends as a couple on a Friday. Is that correct? HIBVU. I’m surprised at the responses so far.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 18-Oct-17 10:29:56

Oh sorry they come to you. Still, hibu.

JingsMahBucket Wed 18-Oct-17 10:33:25


ArcheryAnnie Wed 18-Oct-17 10:36:02

Your DH is right not to cancel his evening, because it's incredibly rude to cancel one meetup because a better offer has come along.

However, your DH is also out of order in insisiting that Friday nights at your home are always his to command.

I think you should invite your other friends over on Friday night anyway. Your DH has the option of just including everyone, or saying to his mates "Friday night is still on, but we will have to meet at one of yours, because revolution has some friends of hers coming over". If his mates are decent people, having always met at yours up until now, they will not have a problem with this.

revolution909 Wed 18-Oct-17 10:37:11

MinervaSaidThar The Friday ones always get dinner I cook it most Fridays because otherwise the alternative is crappy ready meals from ASDA (so thanks but no thanks!) I like cooking so it's not a massive chore so to speak. They bring their one wine but I guess we do provide with some. Saturday ones... we sometimes have dinner usually because it's some sort of special occasion. Or because I felt like it (which happens sometimes). Those guys sometimes bring their own drinks, but not always, they always bring snacks. I don't think they cost os more than a tenner. If anything the Friday ones as dinner is always involved is always pricier.

While DH plays games I either finish work or look after our DD. Sometimes I go out with the mums but that is rare. I do find it awkward at times, but DH says I'm being weird at times. The rule is that if I go out DD has to be in bed.

TeeBee Wed 18-Oct-17 10:41:49

Why should he cancel long-standing plans? Just wait until the others have a Saturday free. A month is not very long. Although, if you are hosting at your house I would be inclined just to invite everyone and who doesn't like it, doesn't come...end of. They don't need to know who else is invited to YOUR HOUSE. What's wrong with mixing things up once in a while? The most successful people are the most flexible people. If it doesn't work, you can resort to type next time.

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