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To think friend should pay for hotel?

(195 Posts)
Misspollyhadadolly88 Wed 18-Oct-17 08:59:25

So, I have two best friends, one whom I've been friends with for 20 years and one who I've been friends with for 10 years. Both get on really well. They're both married and have children. I'm going to be 30 early next year and I've decided to have a big birthday party. I've had a really
Difficult year and I'm really excited to have something to focus on.
Friend of ten years contacted me and friend of twenty years and suggested that the three of us book a hotel to get ready in together and go back to after the party (both husbands have said they will stay home
With children!)
We were all in agreement. Friend of ten years has found a lovely hotel which would work out at £70 each including breakfast for the night. It's a room with two double beds.
Friend of 20 years sent me a text last night saying "£70 each!!! Can we not find something cheaper. I'm not paying heat babe!"
For some history. She constantly moans about money, wants everything cheaper and refuses to spend money on things. Husband has a great job and they own two houses. She's is sSAHM but has always been like this.
I just feel really
Disappointed. Over the years for her I've organised
- surprise 21st
- engagement party
- hen
- wedding (bridesmaid)
- baby shower x2
- bought first baby's cot!
- presents for kids xmas and birthdays
- was a princess at daughters birthday!
- presents for her xmas and birthday
-weekend away for her 30th
I don't think it's like for like and I don't expect the same back but I'm a little bit annoyed.

Fishface77 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:02:02

Message get back.
Say gutted you can't make it. We'll celebrate another time. You sort it in line with your budget. X

thecatfromjapan Wed 18-Oct-17 09:03:04

Maybe she really does just find £70 + other expenses a bit daunting?

Sometimes, there really isn't any more going on. If she doesn't have the money, she doesn't have the money.

Fishface77 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:03:31

And you did all that but what has she done back for you?
In my book friendship is a 2 way street. Yes sometimes people need more help/support than others which is fine but she sounds like a taker and it's more fool you for continually giving.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 18-Oct-17 09:03:55

Can you challenge her to find somewhere just as lovely that is cheaper? I don't think 70 is unreasonable for a night in hotel for a best mates 30th, and doubt she will be able to find a solution! If she can't, then she'll have to pay.

thecatfromjapan Wed 18-Oct-17 09:04:16

And agree with previous poster. Suggest she finds her own way to attend and plan with your other friend if you two can afford the hotel etc.

Auspiciouspanda Wed 18-Oct-17 09:05:01

£210 (divided obvs) for 1 hotel room for one night is pretty expensive. Then adding on the cost of the night out and probably a new dress (I know this isn't required but), I get why she's shocked even if you say she's usually tight.

WhatwouldAryado Wed 18-Oct-17 09:05:01

If her husband works and she doesn't perhaps she (for perhaps sad reasons) is not comfortable with spending on herself?

chaplin1409 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:09:36

That is a lot for 1 hotel room. Maybe ask her to see if she can find something suitable but cheaper.

Hisnamesblaine Wed 18-Oct-17 09:14:27

Nope she sounds miserable as sin!

iloveredwine Wed 18-Oct-17 09:15:31

I think it is a lot for one night especially if I would be sharing a bed. I would be looking at other places as well and silently moaning!

IheartCaptainHolt Wed 18-Oct-17 09:16:12

I wouldn’t want to be £70 to share a hotel room with two other people either to be honest

dustarr73 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:17:18

Well can you get somebody else as well.So theres 4 of you.And teh price will come down more.

Otherwise she just soounds miserable.She doesnt mind you doing stuff for her,but when its her turn.She just moans.

coffeeeandtv Wed 18-Oct-17 09:18:33

Not making excuses for her but perhaps, despite her husbands great job her out goings are greater than their income. Having said that, she has had plenty of notice and with everything you have done for her she should save or as I would do ask for £££ for Christmas to fund the stay which would give me a night off being a wife and Mum and a great night with my BF’s.

2014newme Wed 18-Oct-17 09:18:54

£70 is a lot when sharing with 3 others tbh especially when you aren't going to be in the room much.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 18-Oct-17 09:19:26

Are you/other friend willing to pay £105 each? Might be a bit cheaper for only 2 breakfasts. You could challenge her to find something as nice but cheaper. It's your birthday so I think it's fair enough to choose nice hotel with one friend over travelodge with both.

Alittlepotofrosie Wed 18-Oct-17 09:19:27

If she hasn't got it, she hasn't got it. Find a cheaper hotel.

jay55 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:21:11

I wouldn’t pay £70 to share with two others unless it was a fancy suite or the only hotel in 50miles. And I’m not hard up.

SoEverybodyDance Wed 18-Oct-17 09:24:28

I think you've got reason to be upset. You've done a lot for her over the past few years. I suggest rewriting what you have written here, including the list of everything you have done for her and see what she says. If she still doesn't want to come then send Fishface's first reply. Good luck!

coddiwomple Wed 18-Oct-17 09:26:43

No big deal, just find a cheaper hotel or accept that she won't come. It's unreasonable to expect others to find a lot of money for a night out.

You come across very mean writing she refuses to spend money on things. It's call budgeting, and it's perfectly reasonable for her to prioritise spending money on her family. I bet they wouldn't have 2 houses if they were splashing cash on things. Their choice.

If you need to stay in a hotel for the party, there must be travel costs involved? Outfit? Birthday gift to you? Drinks? You can't expect friends to spend that much.

I wouldn't like the arrangement at all if I was her, I can just about share a room with some close friends, but 2 beds for 3 adults? Hell no.

pictish Wed 18-Oct-17 09:26:45

That's an expensive room in my opinion. £210 per night. £70 on top of drinks, food, maybe an outfit, your might just be too much of a stretch....she was obviously thinking of a less opulent hotel room.

Honestly I wouldn't be willing to spend £££s for any friend's birthday when I have kids that always need something and house to maintain. Sorry.

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 18-Oct-17 09:27:57

You could pay £70 and get a room each if you booked a Premier Inn (location dependent, obviously).

AtHomeDadGlos Wed 18-Oct-17 09:28:32

It’s unnecessary to book a hotel room for before and after the party - why not organise a sleep over for your kids and have one of the homes for it?

Also, your friend doesn’t have to agree to the hotel. You’ve no idea of her current financial situation and although her husband might earn a lot who’s to say he’d be happy with her spending £150 odd (dress, drinks, food, gift etc) on one night?

The sense of entitlement that some people have astounds me. I get you want to throw a birthday party for yourself (although you’re not a teenager, so I don’t really understand why it’s so important) but to expect others to just agree to whatever you’ve decided isn’t fair.

If she can’t afford the hotel then that’s that. Do it without her. But YABU to just expect her to pony up.

Bluntness100 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:29:19

As she doesn’t work could her husband be controlling the purse strings?

KitKat1985 Wed 18-Oct-17 09:30:06

Hmm I actually think £210 for one room for one night is a bit steep to be honest.

Can you not compromise a find a more mid-priced hotel?

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