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To not want to go away without my step-kids at Christmas

(14 Posts)
Salubrious Tue 17-Oct-17 22:25:57

My husband is a wonderful man, honestly, I couldn’t wish for better. He and his ex wife have equal share of the kids and this year it’s his ex wife’s turn to have the kids over Christmas. We live a bit of a distance from the kids so it’s a bit of a trek to get them, however, my husband has suggested we mini -break over Christmas and then have a second Christmas with the kids?

I like the idea of a second Christmas but won’t the poor kids feel abandoned? As we have done previously I’m happy to make the drive to the kids on Christmas Day so that we get to see them for a couple of hours?

My husband is a great dad I should say and they are teenagers now so not kids iyswim but still, they are like my babies.

Is this a case of cut the apron strings and let them be?

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 17-Oct-17 22:34:11

Does their mother want you intruding on their Christmas Day?

They may have plans and arangements and that’s ok because it’s her turn.

Enjoy your break with your husband and let the kids enjoy the day with their Mum and get a double celebration with you when you return

lizabes Tue 17-Oct-17 22:45:16

Would it be possible to do the mini break after christmas day?
But really as they’re teenagers I doubt they’ll mind as long as they still get presents.

Butterymuffin Tue 17-Oct-17 22:46:39

Let their mum have her turn and do your own Christmas with them a few days later. Everyone wins that way.

WitchesHatRim Tue 17-Oct-17 22:48:22

It's their mother's turn to have them this Christmas. A second Christmas will be fine.

As teenagers they will probably be doing a bit of their own thing too.

Maelstrop Tue 17-Oct-17 22:48:40

If it's her turn to have them on Christmas Day, you definitely ought not to interfere.

duckduckmouse Tue 17-Oct-17 22:54:25

What a kind and caring step mamma.
It's a hard job to have and it's lovely hearing someone who is so invested in their kids

LML83 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:55:06

OP says 'as we have done previously' so I would assume ex wife is happy with this arrangement where the parent without the kids for Christmas can see them for a visit.

OP the children are teenagers, ask them how they feel. I suspect a second celebration on a different day would appeal to them then you and dh can enjoy Christmas away. It's lovely you are considering their feelings but I suspect they won't mind.

Strokethefurrywall Tue 17-Oct-17 22:56:38

I think you sound lovely OP. I have nothing more to add!

Hotfootit Wed 18-Oct-17 02:06:56

Ask the kids? Are they old enough to ask without it sounding (to them) like you don't want to see them?
You sound like a lovely SM.

runawaysimba Wed 18-Oct-17 03:01:55

My SD is younger, but also lives a fair drive away, so DP and Ex have always taken turns with Christmas. The years we don't have her on the day, we do "second Christmas" when we do have her and she (and DD!) love it. smile

JWrecks Wed 18-Oct-17 03:07:20

Aw, I don't think it's so much about the apron strings as it is about what works for everyone this year. smile

It may make a difference depending if they're young teenagers (say only just 13) or older teenagers (say 16-17). If they're still pretty young, then it may be more important to them than if they're older. I do doubt, however, they'd feel abandoned as such, because they do have their Christmas with the exw's family!

As PP have said, I would recommend just asking the kids what they want, and then - particularly - make sure that the exw's family don't mind you coming along into their Christmas. Of course I don't know about your DH and the exw's relationship or anything, but I can see how some people might not want to "share" their Christmas, if that makes sense.

PeachMelbaPud Wed 18-Oct-17 03:18:46

Can you book a hotel near to the kids so you get a break and see them.

Salubrious Wed 18-Oct-17 18:21:32

Thanks for the responses I suppose I (probably selfishly) never e really thought I’d be intruding on their mums day with them, I’ve always asked permission previously and she’s always been fine with it but it’s probably better to do the second Christmas idea, that way it’s double the fun for the kids (although I’ll miss them terribly) and I get some winter sun yipeee! Now to worry about what to get them for Christmas.

Definitely going To check with the kids that they don’t mind us going away though, I’m sure they Won’t but better to be open and collaborative I think.

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