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AIBU or is DH?

(83 Posts)
AnotherGoodbye Tue 17-Oct-17 22:12:11

Another one of those petty arguments which has turned into something massive. I need a little perspective and I’m hoping you can all help.

DH and I have recently moved house. Our lovely mirror which used to sit above the fire place is now on the wall behind the couch as we don’t have a fire place in the new house.

Anyway, this evening it dawned on me that the kids could be climbing on the couch and could knock it (they’re not allowed to but I’m just worried incase it happened when our backs are turned).

I explained my worries to DH and he assured me this would be nearly impossible. It’s secured by two screws which he has drilled in which sit on two little hooks attached to the mirror.

I explained to DH that I still don’t feel good about it and I’d like to pop some command strips on there too, just to make it doubly secure. He said that he’d take care of it.

I sat on the other couch while he was busy sorting the command strips. He walked away saying he’d finished and I said “I thought you were meant to take the mirror or picture down from the wall once you stick the strips on and then put it back up later?” He said no, you definitely don’t need to do that. I asked if the insurrections tell you to take the thing down from the wall. He said he’d read the instructions and no, they don’t say that. I picked up the packet and saw that you are meant to take the thing off and there were a couple of other steps he’d missed out. He admitted that he had lied to me, he’s not apologetic at all and he says that he knows it’s secure anyway. I feel upset that he lied. I’m only trying to make our home safe for our DDS (3 & 1) as I spend a lot of time in the house with them as neither are in childcare yet. He literally looked me in the eye and lied to me about it. Am I wrong to be upset by this? He says I’m completely overreacting. The way I see it, there was no point in him putting the strips on if he wasn’t going to do it properly as it now doesn’t give me any peace of mind anyway.

AnotherGoodbye Tue 17-Oct-17 22:18:51

.

fc301 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:28:49

Do you always micro manage him?

Assburgers Tue 17-Oct-17 22:29:51

Tbh, in that situation I probably would have lied to you as well.

AnotherGoodbye Tue 17-Oct-17 22:30:27

I’m sat upstairs while he’s sat downstairs so could really do with some responses. Sorry I know it sounds petty but he also lied to me about something petty a few weeks ago and he has no history of it at all before that. I had a feeling he was lying tonight, hence the reason I checked the instructions.

WishingOnABar Tue 17-Oct-17 22:31:04

Take a chill pill op 🤣💐

SparklyLeprechaun Tue 17-Oct-17 22:31:29

Seriously? Let it go, you are overreacting.

FenceSitter01 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:32:02

Blimey.

AnotherGoodbye Tue 17-Oct-17 22:33:43

Sorry, maybe I’m being a nut case sad I have anxiety and I’ll always worry now about that mirror coming down because he didn’t put the strips on right.

Lazypuppy Tue 17-Oct-17 22:34:06

Why can't you just do it yourself if it bothers you? Think you are massively over reacting!!

KaosReigns Tue 17-Oct-17 22:34:17

Using a command strip to reinforce screws is like using a paperclip as backup for a staple. Honestly, not great that he lied but pretty impressed he actually went through the act of putting them up in the first place to keep you happy. Maybe suggest blutac next?

Fattymcfaterson Tue 17-Oct-17 22:34:44

Command strips will not hold a heavy mirror in place.
The screws in the wall on the other hand.....

Lewwat Tue 17-Oct-17 22:35:23

You may as well sellotape it to the wall

DermotOLogical Tue 17-Oct-17 22:35:57

Is he allowed to breathe without being told off?!

Seriously your behaviour isn't normal.

Are you seeing anyone regarding your anxiety?

Ethylred Tue 17-Oct-17 22:36:58

OP you turned this into something massive, all on your own.

HundredMilesAnHour Tue 17-Oct-17 22:37:00

YABU. He told you it was fine, you wouldn't let it drop, it's hardly surprising he placated you with a bit of a white lie. Sounds like he was getting a lot of unnecessary earache from you.

I'd suggest going downstairs, apologising for being silly and making up before bedtime.

AnotherGoodbye Tue 17-Oct-17 22:38:00

I don’t tell him off, for the record. I just worry lots about the little ones so I accept that I’ve been OTT and have lost my grip on reality.

Dozer Tue 17-Oct-17 22:38:22

Sounds like you didn’t, in this instanc, manage your anxiety very well.

Dabitdontrubit Tue 17-Oct-17 22:42:06

If his choices were:

1. A blazing row where you'd make him feel like he didn't care, that would go round and round until he did it exactly how you wanted.

Or

2. Lie for an easy life

I'd probably lie to.

You can never eliminate all risk, and it sounds as though he took reasonable precautions.

I guess if you needed more done to make you feel safer, you could have either approached it differently or done it yourself?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, I realise you're thinking of the children & trying to keep them safe but I do think YABU.

LML83 Tue 17-Oct-17 22:43:24

I think your dh believed it was secure and if he is the diy person in your house you should trust his judgement he loves the kids too.

Santawontbelong Tue 17-Oct-17 22:46:15

Unless he is regularly reckless with the safety of the dc you need to trust his judgement op. .
Regarding the mirror though - an old one fell off our wall and knocked me out as a child but I am sure your dh did a better job than my dm. She likely did use bluetack and was trying to do me in. . That's a whole other thread.

RestlessTraveller Tue 17-Oct-17 22:46:29

I think if there’s things that you are “always going to worry about” you should do them yourself.

misskatamari Tue 17-Oct-17 22:46:43

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be annoyed about the lying at all.

I think you’re worrying unnecessarily about the mirror, but I understand that as my dh is very like you in that he gets very anxious about household safety stuff. It’s a bit ott sometimes, and can be annoying as I’m more relaxed about things like that, but I do suffer with anxiety myself so I try to be understanding of the fact that it’s a trigger for him. So yes, I do think yab a bit U to be so worried about the mirror, but even so, it’s how you feel, and your dh said he would do something to help alleviate your anxiety around it. It’s crap of him to lie to you and I would be really upset to. On that front I definitely don’t think you’re bu

RosiePosieRosie Tue 17-Oct-17 22:47:35

I’d do it myself if I was that worried. Yes, he’s wrong to lie but it sounds like he seriously doesn’t think it’s a risk so he isn’t worried.

JustHereForThePooStories Tue 17-Oct-17 22:48:48

He's lying because your anxiety is making his life miserable.

If you're that precious about the mirror, secure it yourself.

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