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To think this is a bit mean?

(15 Posts)
Luki Tue 17-Oct-17 15:35:02

It's MIL's birthday this Saturday and DP forgot only reminded me this morning. I've swooped into action and found something that would be perfect for her. Unfortunately though because he has left it so late, it won't be delivered on time. DP reckons its perfectly acceptable to tell her it's been held up in the post and just buy her flowers for Saturday, then give her the present next week. I think this is totally mean. I've ordered Perfect Present and if it gets delivered on time, great. If not, we can save it for Christmas.

DP looking thoroughly disgusted at the idea of having to actually go out and choose/purchase his own present grin (he is off work this week so it's not a huge inconvenience!) AIBU?

Sirzy Tue 17-Oct-17 15:37:31

I would just give it a few days late if needed.

sirfredfredgeorge Tue 17-Oct-17 15:39:12

Your DP knows his own mother, and if he says it's acceptable, then you should certainly defer to him, rather than your own views on how she might feel, I personally cannot imagine why it would not be.

Theresamayscough Tue 17-Oct-17 15:39:33

Well as a mil and mum to grown up children it wouldn’t bother me. As a family we don’t do big gifts or make much fuss over birthdays or Xmas.

I would rather have a card or phone call for a catch up chat to be honest. A drink or meal together.

Maybe your dh gets this not bothering much from his mum.

Certainly I am amazed ar the fuss my dils mother makes of her birthdays. Kids yes you make a fuss but adults it’s a bit self indulgent to me.

Bluntness100 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:41:04

I think. If I had agreed to do the gift buying then the basics of a perfect gift would be one that would get here in time. So I’d have got perfect present for Xmas and a present for her that would be available for her birthday,

I think it’s unreasonable to agree to do something then not to be sure if you’ve actually done it or not.

2014newme Tue 17-Oct-17 15:44:03

I would not be getting involved on this I'd leave it to dh we both do our own families

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 17-Oct-17 15:49:56

How long have you been together? This isn't your problem, it's his.

DP looking thoroughly disgusted at the idea of having to actually go out and choose/purchase his own present

For his own mother? Is there a back story, he doesn't get along with her?I guess you often get spoiled rotten by him as well if this is his attitude hmm.

dementedpixie Tue 17-Oct-17 15:50:04

Why isn't he sorting out his own mothers present?

Luki Tue 17-Oct-17 15:51:38

Thanks all.

@Bluntness100 I most certainly did not volunteer to do the gift buying! But I know if I didn't, DP would just get a card and shove a lottery ticket or scratchcard inside. MIL has always been good to me and got me lovely presents in the past so it would annoy me to see her with nothing but a card from her son.

You're right @2014newme I will need to leave it for DP to do from now on. It's got to the stage where he just expects me to do it. hmm

Brighteyes27 Tue 17-Oct-17 16:16:10

OP I don't know why we bother. I had to remind DH MIL's birthday was coming up (which he chose to ignore), I took it upon myself to text her and ask her if she had any ideas what she might like) then I went shopping, chose, bought and wrapped her present, bought her cards one from us one from kids (got kids to write one and laid the other one out for DH to write one) had to remind him several times about this. All he had to do was post them and cut it fine so we had to pay extra to guarantee delivery on her birthday. I texted her on the morning of her birthday to wish her a happy birthday. No thanks from him and no thanks from her to say she had received her present and cards or that she liked them. Ordinarily I would be ringing post office to check she had received her present if it was my family but she has form for not saying thank you. No doubt she will still be sulking as DH didn't phone her on her birthday he is out at work very long days with travel I texted him to remind him to call or text her at lunch time on the day of her birthday but he didn't do it. We are both likely still in the dog house as we didn't phone on the day. But in my family it's manners to phone up and say thank you for a present.

Bluntness100 Tue 17-Oct-17 16:23:39

* I most certainly did not volunteer to do the gift buying*

I’m unsure why you are addressing this at me? I never said you volunteered, I said you agreed to do it. Did you mean to address someone else? confused

Theresamayscough Tue 17-Oct-17 16:27:54

But do these mils care though or are you projecting what you think they want?

As I said it wouldn’t bother me and it embaressed me when my dils make a fuss bless them as we just don’t as a family. We just celebrate the under 18s. Each family is different

Theresamayscough Tue 17-Oct-17 16:31:34

But bright why didn’t you just got the kids to phone her on her birthday?

You go to all that fuss and then you seem to sulk as she hasn’t thanked you? She should of course but maybe she’s like me and doesn’t really like the fuss.
Your dh might know this and that’s why he’s not bothered.

Next year get the kids to make her a card. And ring her as a family. That’s the gift I prefer. Maybe she’s like me but I would have thanked you.

Brighteyes27 Tue 17-Oct-17 17:14:30

To be fair kids at secondary school so past card making. DH leaves so early and is home so late on a work night that their is little time to phone when we're all in and no ones out doing a sport etc. He's also shattered with a 13.5/14 hour days
but it's up to DH to initiate a phone call from himself or a family phone call. MIL is bothered about gifts and usually tries to play her children off against each other x got me this and y took me out for a lovely very expensive meal. Often not even mentioning our gift I have to prompt him to check whether she has received it. Her two other DC's earn far more than we do but we do make an effort.

2014newme Tue 17-Oct-17 17:20:46

Your dh is capable of holding down a job. So can organise a gift. Step out of it.

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