To think some MN threads can give a very depressing view of 21st century society(22 Posts)
Don't touch my baby, don't make a friendly comment on my shopping in the supermarket queue, don't ask my child to stand up for an elderly person on public transport etc etc
AIBU to sometimes feel a bit pessimistic about society after reading these threads?
Yes! I’ve seen a lot of Mums on here that I have never experienced in real life. Perhaps these people only want to share these opinions anonymously online?
True, but it's depressing to know that people might even be thinking like that. It just seems to have become so easy to seriously offend people, without even realising it.
Because normal people dont post their normal experiences
So look at whats left
I was tempted to make this post yesterday
Don't offer to carry something heavy for a female or you are implying she's weak. Don't approach someone in a public area to chat or you're hitting on them. I do have to remind myself that this attitude is not prevalent in my RL circles and do wonder if it's just an online thing.
I don't think people have changed I just think it's more acceptable (?) to be yourself rather than what society expects you to be.
My grandmother talks to random strangers at the bus stop. I can see then smiling through gritted teeth, not giving a fuck about how much cheaper she bought some thing in Aldi rather than Tesco. You don't know what people are going through and the last thing they want is some happy stranger making shit jokes/price comparisons.
I once had to deliver a three hour workshop where we told employees to leave their 'troubles' at the door (actual yellow line on work entrance) so they could be 100% chipper and focus on work - try telling that to Bev who's going through a really shit devorce!
Likewise, the elderly person chatting at the bus stop or in the supermarket queue could be living quite an isolated or lonely life and be desperate for a bit of human contact.
How much effort does it really cost to just smile politely and give a brief answer to whatever she's saying? Rather than taking offence and being rude and unfriendly.
It just seems to have become so easy to seriously offend people, without even realising it.
That's because it's become so easy to let people know that they have offended you.
Shall I be the annoying bellend who points out that there are a lot of babies out there who don't want strangers looking at them, talking to them, or especially not touching them?
Or even breathing near them if you're DD3.....
But we seem to have gone from one extreme to another Mission. Obviously it is good that people are more sensitive around certain issues and don't make the tactless remarks they used to about e.g. childlessness.
But nowadays you can't say 'nice day' to someone in the supermarket without being accused (on MN anyhow) of invading their space or holding up the queue or somesuch.
There's a definite shift towards introversion being acceptable, and I think that's partly where it comes from. I can hit a point quite easily where conversation, particularly with strangers, is like sandpaper on raw skin. My need for silence and solitude is no less than someone's need to make small talk.
(on MN anyhow)
BIB is very important user! If I took AIBU seriously I would think I was living on a different planet to everyone else!
YANBU but ime it really is (thankfully) a Mumsnet thing.
MN doesn't reflect my RL and never has.
It's not like this around here. In our local supermarket you get a lot of older people with spare time making conversation and a lot of tolerant younger people letting them chat for a bit.
If you don't like to talk it's easy enough to say sorry I have to go, I've a lot on today.
However I don't think male sex pests in the office are right to conflate having a chat with their clearly predatory behaviour which they often try to to confuse the issue. They make silly comments like I'm not allowed to say how good a woman looks at work - well no mate and you never were and the sooner you stop the better. By all means chat to women in bars if you want to do that kind of thing.
Think about it the other way around. For literally millennia people who aren't comfortable with the sort of things you've mentioned haven't actually had much of an opportunity to anonymously say that these things annoy them or aren't a part of life they enjoy.
It's the extrovert's privilege, to go through life knowing that your personal preferences are the ones valued by society - being chatty, small talk with strangers, social ease.
Can't the introverts have the internet, please? You've already bagsied the outdoors, the office, media etc. And I say that as a pretty sociable introvert.
Oh please don't start that "oh us introverts have it so tough" crap. I'm an introvert, you don't speak for me. Being introverted and wanting to live in total isolation in your own bubble are not the same thing.
My need for silence and solitude is no less than someone's need to make small talk
I completely agree with this
We're a social species, apparently quick social exchanges with strangers are good for our mh. I live in a small place where people are friendly.... But I can see in some situations why people might feel threatened or invaded by some sorts of social approach, especially where body language/subtle cues/personal space boundaries are ignored.
Also most people are decent and well intentioned, though we've all got it wrong at times. A bit of politeness and tolerance goes a long way, tho on MN it seems it's acceptable to give people a mouthful.... Or explain away horrible behaviour because someone might possibly have anxiety or undiagnosed ASD.
I had one piece of advice when my sons went to university recent - be kind. I still think that's one of the key things we can all do in life.
Barbarian - please point to the part of anyone's post where it says 'ANNOUNCEMENT ON BEHALF OF ALL INTROVERTS, ESPECIALLY YOU, BARBARIAN'.
It's an internet forum on which people are posting their opinions. Mine is that of course introverts are over-represented on the internet, as well as other socially-dispossessed people, who haven't got as many opportunities to say what is or isn't comfortable for them - which comes in many, many forms.
I have some friends with acute introversion and social anxiety, and I see them trampled all over by the extroverts who just assume that their way is normal and the others need fixing or converting. My mum has PTSD, an eating disorder, but is an extreme extrovert too.
People need to stop thinking about it as 'what's wrong with the world', but 'how can I be kinder and more aware about different people in the world'. That includes recognising when someone isn't comfortable situation and being kind to them, not making it all about you and your needs.
I'm an introvert and I agree that extroverts can sometimes be insensitive towards those who are not as outgoing as themselves.
But that doesn't mean I take offence every time somebody makes a bland comment to me in the supermarket queue, or can't see the benefit in people being politely friendly towards each other in public places.
Also it's not just small talk that seems to offend people. It's the other things I mentioned as well; someone stroking a baby's hand or asking a young person to stand up for an elderly person on public transport. In RL I have never seen or heard anyone object to that. But on MN they seem to be cardinal sins.
Being thoughtful and kind cuts both ways. It's common sense not to comment on the amount of junk food/drink in someone's trolley, surely. If a baby is getting irritated and fretful by well-intentioned cooimg, back off. If the stranger at the bus stop responds to a cheery comment about the weather coolly and politely, shut up immediately because she may have stuff on her mind and obviously doesn't want to chat.
If folk don't do this kind of sensible thing, they should prepare for some short-temperedness maybe.
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