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My granddaughter is beautiful, and . . . .?

(262 Posts)
OfCourseEveWasFramed Mon 16-Oct-17 19:33:44

She's 10, year 6 and people actually stop us in the street to tell her she's beautiful. This has been going on for her lifetime. She says thank you.
She says, 'thanks, I'm also really smart and I'm a good climber'.
Her looks are the only thing that strangers comment on.
Thankfully, she's level headed. Her class had a one-off lesson on how the media treats girls and women, and she had a lot to say about it - so did her friends.
A girl's looks are not the most important thing about her. We all know this, except random strangers don't seem to have got the message.

melj1213 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:40:07

... And your point is?

People stop your granddaughter to compliment her on what they can see since they don't know all the other stuff about her. She says thank you and highlights her other good qualities.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 16-Oct-17 19:40:15

Stealth boast.
We've all got them op, The most beautiful children/grandchildren ever to grace the planet

StickThatInYourPipe Mon 16-Oct-17 19:43:01

Would be a little weird if they stopped her to tell her how clever and good at climbing she was though eh? Mainly because they probably wouldn't know.

Me and my dp are ttc at the moment and have been for a while. Broodieness has completely taken over my brain and often find myself saying to people "oh he/she is soooo cute!" Obviously to strangers. Friends kids I am able to get more involved and comment on all the other aspects of their personality

TheQueenOfWands Mon 16-Oct-17 19:45:33

People generally go by looks first.

What's the first thing we usually say about food? "Ooo, that looks nice!"

We're just more likely to comment on what we see.

newtlover Mon 16-Oct-17 19:46:38

very wierd to tell a random child you don't know that they are beautiful

newtlover Mon 16-Oct-17 19:47:37

they sure as hell wouldn't do it to a 10 yo boy

Aquamarine1029 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:48:11

I know exactly how you feel. The same was said to me ever since I was a baby (it is very uncomfortable and cringy saying this), and the same is said to my daughter who is now 18. All. The. Time. It really does wear on you because what you look like is NOT who you are. The bag of skin we walk around in isn't our choice and doesn't reflect any of the actual very valuable traits/abilities we have. I think my parents handled it very well and did a great job of teaching me to be gracious, while also always telling me that the best things about me are the things these misguided yet well-meaning people can't see. I have raised my daughter the same way. If someone compliments you, you politely say "Thank you" and move on. Personally, I don't and wouldn't add any qualifiers to my response, but that's me, and I wouldn't encourage my daughter to do so either. These people are strangers, and I have no desire to push any kind of feminist agenda, whether I agree with it or not (I do agree with it).

Taylor22 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:48:21

Strangers on the bus used to give my baby son money because of his eyes.

It happens way to much and freaked me out a lot.

Best advice I've got is to stick ear phones in. You don't even have to play music just wear them around. No one talks to you then.

MaidOfStars Mon 16-Oct-17 19:49:58

Oh, I hear you OP, but it's sometimes just a quick and thoughtless response.

I spotted a friend with his daughter (who I've never met) the other week. The first text conversation we had since, I nearly typed 'Oh, I saw you with your daughter, she's beautiful' and then stopped myself. She is, but I had to catch myself.

QueuetoaskaQ Mon 16-Oct-17 19:50:32

Sorry, people genuinely obstruct a 10 year old's path in the street and tell her she's beautiful? Seriously? What exact words do they say? How do you react?

I've witnessed this behaviour before from strangers with babies or toddlers in waiting rooms etc but never an older child.

zzzzz Mon 16-Oct-17 19:50:44

People tell me and my dds they are beautiful (the girls not me!) fairly often. They are. I think it’s nice of them and nothing to do with how clever they are (exceptionally) or how good they are at climbing (not so much). Why does it bother youhmm

Piratesandpants Mon 16-Oct-17 19:52:12
Just providing some perspective on comments from strangers.

HaHaHmm Mon 16-Oct-17 19:53:43

What exactly is the AIBU?

WhooooAmI24601 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:53:48

I've never in my life stopped a person in the street to tell them how beautiful their child is. What an odd way to behave.

From the moment babies are born we're full of "isn't she beautiful, isn't he handsome" and the first thing old relatives say to anyone under the age of 18 is "ooh you are a handsome boy". It's almost like the only thing people can think of to say in a conversation. It sounds as though your Granddaughter knows that her intrinsic value isn't based on her face which is a great thing.

Haudyerwheesht Mon 16-Oct-17 19:54:29

newt they would. Ds gets a lot of comments on his looks and he's almost 11.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 16-Oct-17 19:55:20

Very boasty op.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Mon 16-Oct-17 19:55:38

I'd be more worried if a "random stranger" as you say was able to tell you how clever your granddaughter was or how good at climbing she is. As that would mean they had some kind of interest in her.

I appricate that your trying to teach your granddaughter looks aren't everything, but if she really is as strikingly beautiful as you say, then yes that's what people are going to notice first. They are strangers they're not going to know things that are based on her personality or are private. Like I said if they did I'd be worried that they'd been stalking your family which is more sinister than telling a pretty little girl she's pretty. Which by the way is just a compliment and people trying to be nice. And engage with your granddaughter.

As has been said we all think our children or grandchildren are the prettiest in the world. Occasionally people will comment on it to engage in small talk

LRDtheFeministDragon Mon 16-Oct-17 19:55:47

This is a way people respond to children and babies.

It is a bit odd, and it is gendered.

But most people who do this, do this with all babies. They're just trying to be nice and friendly. If it really bothers you, tell them.

Haudyerwheesht Mon 16-Oct-17 19:56:06

But I suppose tbf they don't stop us in the street! Waiting staff mention it or salespeople for example and family friends etc. I don't know if he even is that amazing looking tbh!

RandomUsernameHere Mon 16-Oct-17 19:56:17

I agree with zzzz
Why not take it as a compliment, you can be good looking AND good at lots of other things.
Also, in some cultures it's very normal to comment if a child is good looking.

Ttbb Mon 16-Oct-17 19:57:11

What else do you expect random strangers to notice though? Literally all they know about her is the way that she looks.

DancesWithOtters Mon 16-Oct-17 19:57:36

Oh yeah, I understand. I get this all the time. Just one of the side effects of being so bloody beautiful. grinwink

WanderingTrolley1 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:58:06

What's the aibu?

LovingLola Mon 16-Oct-17 19:58:12


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