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Aibu to think this is a safeguarding issue ?

(56 Posts)
laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 18:56:55

So my dm is in a nursing home now , which specialises in dementia and palliative. She is there for palliative , brain tumour with under 6 months to go but still has it mostly together , goes out everyday with me etc.

She came back from the dining room to find a resident lying in her bed , tucked up with the curtains closed , and refusing to move! She has popped her head in before thinking it was a living room rather than a bedroom , but this really takes the biscuit ! What can I do as her daughter to prevent this happening and safeguard my mum against wandering residents ?!

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Mon 16-Oct-17 19:01:12

This happened a lot in the nursing home my grandparents were in, they both had dementia and so did majority of other residents. No one seemed that fussed about it. They don't mean any harm at all they're just utterly confused. That's not to say I don't have sympathy for your mum because it's obviously still an invasion of her privacy. But short of locking the door each time she leaves her room I'm not sure what else you can do to prevent this happening. That would be the most obvious thing to do surely?

RedHelenB Mon 16-Oct-17 19:01:56

That is the trouble with dementia
My Grandma used to pack everyone's suitcases for them!

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:02:14

Forgot to add, doors don't have locks as it is a fire hazard/staff check on residents 3 times a night so that's not an option unfortunately.

ForeverLivingMyArse Mon 16-Oct-17 19:04:33

I wouldn't call it a safeguarding issue. The other resident is obviously confused and doesn't seem to mean any harm. Speak to the nurse in charge.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Mon 16-Oct-17 19:05:20

Well no I wouldn't have thought it's ok to lock the door while the resident was in their room but I didn't think about them leaving it empty would have been an issue.

I don't know then. I think it is just one of those things. what did the manager/senior staff say about it when you mentioned it to them?

Helenluvsrob Mon 16-Oct-17 19:08:00

I had a key to lock dad's room when he was off the premises.

Pengggwn Mon 16-Oct-17 19:08:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigMumma1245 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:08:15

They should put locks on the doors that are easily openable by the staff

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:09:16

Maybe I'm over reacting then but my mum was quite irritated by it as the resident refused to get out of the bed so had to be manhandled away by staff , I think my dm is worried about when she no longer has capacity to speak and move about freely and will feel trapped! She already feels like a fraud being in there as she is so much younger.

Imonlyfuckinghuman Mon 16-Oct-17 19:10:04

Phone the CQC. They will tell you if it's an issue or not. They govern all hospitals, gp practice, nursing homes

PurpleTango Mon 16-Oct-17 19:11:40

I really can appreciate your concern OP. The sad fact is dementia patients cannot function in "the real world". They have no idea of being in the real world. Believe me, I nursed my mum through dementia for years. She was in and out of "care" homes for 8 years.

In the end I made the decision to give up work, temporarily, to care for her at my home. No two dementia patients display the same symptoms - that's the hard part I think...

What it boils down to is if you are not happy with the care your dm is receiving in a care home you need to have a rethink. Sad but that's it in a nutshell flowers

YouCantArgueWithStupid Mon 16-Oct-17 19:13:35

Locks on doors I believe require a DOLs application? Maybe speak to the registered manager?

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:15:09

This was the only option which was offered by the discharge planning team at the hospital , she's not ill enough for the hospice yet , neither is she well enough to be at home with carers just dropping in to do medication etc.
It's very tricky , and I sincerely hope that when I am old, self euthanasia is an viable option in the UK.

MyrtleMaracas Mon 16-Oct-17 19:15:39

'She already feels like a fraud being in there as she is so much younger.'

Sorry your mum is poorly, it must be so upsetting having this on top of dealing with her diagnosis

As she's younger and terminally ill is there not a hospice that would be more suited? A nursing home with residents with dementia doesn't seem like the most appropriate place for her. I know that's not much help.

MyrtleMaracas Mon 16-Oct-17 19:18:04

Sorry cross post. Tbh though I would push for the hospice even if the discharge planning team don't think she's ill enough yet. Ask your gp to refer direct. They may have more suggestions anyway, our hospice does an outreach type service for patients who aren't resident.

spanieleyes Mon 16-Oct-17 19:19:26

My mum does this. She is in a care home and has dementia. When she is tired, she will go lie down. Unfortunately she can't recognise her own room and so will lie down in the first empty room she comes to. Short of having someone follow her everywhere she goes, not sure what the solution is ( but apologies if it was my Mum in your Mum's bed!)

Out2pasture Mon 16-Oct-17 19:21:17

Sadly it’s common; make your moms space more identifiable with a unique bedspread. All she needs to do with basically all situations is to report it to the staff. I’ve seen some use of baby gates that the most challenged can’t open.

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:28:52

confused thanks all, I think we will just go with reporting it all every time it happens and I will take all her paperwork/documents back to mine so they can't be tampered with etc as they are v important.

FenceSitter01 Mon 16-Oct-17 19:29:19

It is a safeguarding issue. Your mother is vulnerable and has a right to her own personal space. You cant normalise someone in your bed because they have dementia. This time it might be Mrs So-and-so in your mums bed, next time it might be randy old Fred.

As much as we may like to think our elderly folks are sweet, in reality there is a higher proportion of assaults carried out by those with dementia than on A&E. You mother needs to be protected from potential harm

OllyBJolly Mon 16-Oct-17 19:31:25

As she's younger and terminally ill is there not a hospice that would be more suited? A nursing home with residents with dementia doesn't seem like the most appropriate place for her. I know that's not much help

DSis is in exactly the same position. She's early 40s, terminal brain tumours and in an elderly care home because there is no other facility for people who need 24 hour care. It's soul destroying and having a huge impact on the quality of life she has left. Hospice is for end of life care, and she's not yet at that stage. She woke up to someone in her shower once. Awful. She has vision and mobility issues so a baby gate would be a hazard for her.

MrLovebucket Mon 16-Oct-17 19:31:32

@Myrtle I doubt a hospice would take someone who could live another 6 months, it's hard enough finding a space for someone with days/weeks left sad

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:34:02

Hospice really isn't an option, the Care Home have said that if she has seizures she won't go up to the hospital she'll just stay in the home and presumably they'll just call the doctor out.
I feel really stuck knowing what to do, it's impacting on my family life at home with my DS barely seeing me, my partner having to do everything and bump due in 5 weeks.

Jaxhog Mon 16-Oct-17 19:35:12

Perhaps having patients with Dementia shouldn't be mixed together with those needing Paliative care? Being in your last months is hard enough without this sort of invasion of privacy.

Could you hang a little bell over your mum's curtain? The she (and the staff) would know if someone was in her space before they got into her bed.

laketaupo Mon 16-Oct-17 19:36:11

Yep she has a buzzer but once she is at that stage will she know how or when to ring it? Fuck me this is a whole new level of difficulty.

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