AIBU to expect adult DD to arrange days out with DH?

[Sharlie12345]

DD is now 18. In all fairness her dad has worked a lot throughout her life and rarely did anything 1-1 she keeps bringing it up now (he no longer works) but surely now she's 18 she can arrange things for them to do?

[Sirzy]

Well they should have a conversation together along the lines of “fancy going to x?” Type thing.

I’m not sure why she should take responsibility for organising it though

[Ecureuil]

Why don’t they discuss it together?
I’m a bit confused...

[Changerofname987654321]

Why are you annoyed about their relationship? Are they happy with it or do they complain to you? Do they have anything in common? Do they even get along?

[Sharlie12345]

DD says she'll go anywhere so it does a natural death really.

[Sharlie12345]

*dies

[5rivers7hills]

Why doesn't he organise something to do for them both?

[Gazelda]

So she’s bring it up that he didn’t do much with her when growing up. I strongly suspect she’s wanting him to make the effort now. The ball is in his court ...

[Ecureuil]

What does? I think you need to give more context of the situation.
When I was 18 I’d say to my dad ‘this looks good, do you fancy it?’ And vice versa.
Why is it solely your daughter’a responsibility? Who is unhappy with the situation? Do they even want to go out together?

[Ecureuil]

Agree if he didn’t do much with her growing up then the ball is in his court. She may be an adult (just), but she’s still his child.

[Sharlie12345]

He says that he sees her everyday so what's the point that shocked me a bit, but she's the one who is unhappy with the situation.

[abbsisspartacus]

So she is bringing it up with you she wants to spend time with him? I would find that irritating tbh

[Sharlie12345]

No she brings it up with him

[5rivers7hills]

He says that he sees her everyday so what's the point

And the shit dad of the year award goes to....

I thinks she wants her dad to make a bit of effort with her, and act like he wants to have some sort of a relationship.

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

Why don't you suggest (to him) that he invite her out to a movie and you join them for dinner after? It's not your problem to solve etc but it sounds like she's like him to make a bit of effort and having never done so he is finding it awkward.

She'll probably be moving out soon so make the most of this precious time!

[Travis1]

She's looking for him to put some effort into her, so YABU, it shouldn't be on your DD to organise because the poor menz can't. Given his attitude I can see why

[AngelsSins]

I'm not surprised she's unhappy with the situation. This doesn't bode well for her future relationships....

[Robots1Humans0]

He is still her dad and she is still his 'child' - i can't imagine it would take much effort from DH to arrange a little trip out with her especially as he isn't working? Even just lunch and cinema? Give him a kick up the bum

[ShatnersWig]

My dad made very little effort with me when I was younger. My mum wasn't much better. My grandparents, both of whom died in the last year, were bloody brilliant.

My parents have unofficially adopted someone else's child as their grandson. My grandmother made comment to me about how different they treated me compared with this unrelated child. There are dozens of photos of this child around the house. Even has his own bedroom there for staying over. He's been on holiday with them. We never even went on holiday until I was 14. We had three holidays by the time I was 19.

Like hell am I making an effort to get them to do things with me now. I suspect your DD is the same.

[Dani240]

If your DD is saying to her dad that she's upset that he never wants to spend time with him, and he's replying that there's no point, that's really sad. I suspect she won't keep asking for very long, and when she's moved out and he doesn't see her every day, he might regret not prioritising her. It's their relationship though, so there's not much you can do apart from maybe speak to him about it.

[AgathaF]

One day he'll probably really regret not making the effort with his own child. She's clearly sad about it now. Really, does he just not care???

[museumum]

she doesn't just want to do something with him - she wants HIM to want to do something with HER and to put in the effort to make it happen.

why should he just be the passive partner in this doing something? he's the parent, he's the one who has been lacking in his showing he cares until now.

OP - do you enable his being a bit pathetic in other emotional things?

[Changerofname987654321]

So she wants more of a relationship with her Dad and is willing to do anything with him but he can’t be bothered and you think this is her fault?

[Standingcat]

Cinema? suggest it to him, she can choose the film but he can book it then the pub?

[WyfOfBathe]

she wants HIM to want to do something with HER and to put in the effort to make it happen.

This. It sounds like she wants her dad to show that he cares about her, or even just likes her!

[5rivers7hills]

cinema and then pub lunch/dinner is a good plan because 1) he won't have to talk to her during the film (and it sounds like he hasn't got much to say to her) and 2) they can talk about the film afterwards as a starting conversation point.