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To say DS needs to go to the closest dance school?

(153 Posts)
daughterhollysonharry Mon 16-Oct-17 13:49:16

DS is 11 and really wants to take up ballet. There's a boys dance school about a 20 minute drive away. There's a closer dance school about 3 mins away which would be helpful as he can walk.

DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys (I suppose this is relevant).

I've said that DS should just try the closer one and if the girls do say something, we'll assess it after. Apparently his argument is that I didn't make DD try the closer scouts, but the thing is, that's harder to get into/leave, etc.

He has said "don't worry Mum" and isn't going to even give the other one a go! Which makes me even less likely to do it. Why can't he just give it a go?


Rinoachicken Mon 16-Oct-17 13:50:57

Sorry YABU. One rule for 1 and all that

daughterhollysonharry Mon 16-Oct-17 13:53:42

But scouts is much harder to get into.

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 16-Oct-17 13:53:55

He's got a point.

Nicpem1982 Mon 16-Oct-17 13:53:56

If your ds wants to take up ballet I'd be inclined to enrol at the school which produces the best dancers not which is closest

DancesWithOtters Mon 16-Oct-17 13:54:13

I think he's right to be honest, sorry.

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 16-Oct-17 13:54:37

I think it's hard enough for an 11 yr old boy to want to do ballet. If there is a boys only dance class then why can't you take him there?
I know you'll have to drive him there but even so, why wouldn't you?

Sirzy Mon 16-Oct-17 13:55:01


11 is an age where young people often become very conscious of themselves. Encourage the fact the wants to take up a physical activity and unless completely impossible logistically then let him do it where he feels comfy

DancesWithOtters Mon 16-Oct-17 13:55:12

"DD goes to girl guides as she didn't want to do the trips with boys"

He doesn't want to go to the mixed school. How is it different?

daughterhollysonharry Mon 16-Oct-17 13:55:58

@Nicpem1982 well the boys one obviously produces better male dancers as the closest one has less statistics for men. This is just to learn dance though, not an actual school where the male female ratio is quite even.

katymac Mon 16-Oct-17 13:57:04

Boys are so rare in Ballet; boys classes rarer

I ended up driving DD 2hrs for the best 'locals' dance class

For a boy? Encourage him at all costs

ErrolTheDragon Mon 16-Oct-17 13:57:51

In theory you're right... in practice, I think YABU.

Its not the easiest thing for an 11yo boy to start, I'd guess a mixed place would have lots of girls who'd been doing it for years so could be quite daunting. Maybe if he gets into it and becomes confident then he might change his mind later.

teaandtoast Mon 16-Oct-17 13:58:18

YABU. Make the effort.

MotherOfBeagles Mon 16-Oct-17 13:58:35

I think it’s a bit unreasonable to have one rule for one and another for the other. Also confused by scouts being harder to get into/leave as a reason? I’ve been a scout leader for nearly 10 years and never heard this before.

daughterhollysonharry Mon 16-Oct-17 13:59:59

Scouts is definitely harder to get into. Leaving is also harder, IMO.

5rivers7hills Mon 16-Oct-17 14:00:18

Yeah this is a but one rule for one isn;t it!

I'd take him to the one 20 mins away.

greeeen Mon 16-Oct-17 14:01:10

YABU it should be the same rule for both.

TurquoiseChevrotain Mon 16-Oct-17 14:03:24

11 is such a hard age. I'd definitely take him to the boys one! Odd that you've even thought twice, even if the situation with your daughter didn't exist.

It's different putting your toddler boy in the local dance school and they grow with it and by the time they're 11 they're really good. An 11 year old starting with a lot of females who are most likely very good, would be rather hard, I can imagine.

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 16-Oct-17 14:04:26

OP: Am I being Unreasonable?
Us: Yes you are
OP: No I'm not

araiwa Mon 16-Oct-17 14:05:38

Youve been schooled by your 11 year old

You know hes right

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 14:07:11

Seriously? Your DS wants to do something that has long been very, very difficult for boys to do without bullying. He wants to do it in the company of other boys. I think that's really understandable, given that there are still plenty of dinosaur people out there who will stupidly raise an eyebrow at the thought of this. Finding young males with similar interests is important. You made a gendered case for your DD to go to an all-girls scout group, you really should see the gendered case for your DS to go to an all-boys dance lesson.

ArbitraryName Mon 16-Oct-17 14:09:34

It’s only 20 minutes away. It’s not like he’s asking to go to boarding school in France.

And, as everyone says, wanting to go to a single sex dance class is no different to wanting to go to a single sex uniformed group. It doesn’t seem unreasonable that he’s only willing to take up ballet in a single sex environment, especially when you’ve already shown that you value a single sex space for your daughter.

TheNoodlesIncident Mon 16-Oct-17 14:10:34

Why wouldn't you want to give him the best chance of success? If he gave up the idea because he didn't enjoy the lessons with the girls, would you simply shrug your shoulders?

You should do your best equally for all your dc, not give one half-hearted treatment because it's more convenient!

How is it relevant how easy/difficult it is to leave Scouts...?

MyWhatICallNameChange Mon 16-Oct-17 14:11:50

How is scouts hard to leave? I'm a leader and all it takes is an email and to cancel the direct debit.

So you daughter go to choose to do a girls only activity but you won't offer the same privilege to your son?

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Mon 16-Oct-17 14:11:51

A boys ballet class? That's amazing! Let him go, he'll never get that opportunity again. YABU.

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