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AIBU?

To wish this woman would stop knocking at my door?

41 replies

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/10/2017 13:27

I might get a pasting here but I just need to know if AIBU.

DD is 9 and goes to a local school. Lots of the kids are from surrounding towns and villages...so not many of her classmates live nearby.

There's a boy from her class about 5 doors down.

The boys' Mum, last year, initiated a few trips to the local lake which is very close to my house. She has to pass my house to get there from hers.

I went along with DD mainly because DD is very sociable and wanted to.

Anyway...the Mother is a bit odd somehow..can't put my finger on it, she seems sometimes to be under the influence of perhaps some sort of drug ...she doesn't smell like alcohol.

One day last year, she arrived with her son (and it's always without warning at teatime) and banged on the door, asking if we could go to the lake.

I said I was busy and she offered to take DD.

I agreed as I felt slightly on the spot and dd was nagging. In hindsight I shouldn't allow myself to be pressured like that.

When she returned with DD an hour later, there was an odd man with them...he loitered in the background and the Mum never introduced me or anything. He sort of glowered at me unsmiling.

She dropped DD off, then walked off with her son and the man back towards her own house. I asked DD "Who was that man?" and DD said "I don't know...she just met him by the lake"

So though it was unclear if she was a friend of his or not I felt a bit weird about her then...I had anyway but that cemented it.

Then last week she bumped into DH and made a disparaging comment about our older DD! Well...cheeky cow! She said something about my older DD"s dress sense as she's a tad experimental (teenager!)

So I thought, that's it. No more truck with her...DD never asks to call for the boy or if he can come over, so she's not that keen...

Since last week, she's banged on my door three times asking do we want to go to the lake and when I say no, we're busy, she offers to take DD...and I have to fucking say "No, it's not convenient"

Tonight (it's night here) she banged again and I opened the door and she looked at me and said "Don't tell me! You can't come!" in this odd voice!

So I said "That's right, I can't. Bye!" and shut the door.

What's with her!?

OP posts:

Report

RavingRoo · 16/10/2017 13:28

Just stop answering the door.

ladystarkers · 16/10/2017 13:29

No idea. No chance I’d let dd go again.

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/10/2017 13:30

Raving but why should I? It's my bloody door and it could be a delivery...I can't see who'se at the door until I open it because of the way the house is.

Lady thanks and I certainly don't want to either!

OP posts:

Namechangetempissue · 16/10/2017 13:31

I wouldn't have let DD go the first time to be honest!
Just don't answer the door anymore.

RavingRoo · 16/10/2017 13:32

If it’s a delivery you’d be expecting it surely? Also put in a spy hole. I certainly wouldn’t entertain people I think are strange or suspicious or engineer situations where they can possibly sweet talk my DD into leaving with them!!

baffledcoconut · 16/10/2017 13:32

Because strange people are all around. It’s a full time job trying to avoid them.

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/10/2017 13:37

Raving not at all! I buy things from Ebay all the time and online shops due to living far from the decent stores. They come at all times and on lots of days...between me, DH and older DD we sometimes have 4 deliveries a week! Small things but nonetheless...deliveries.

Baffled it is isn't it!

OP posts:

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/10/2017 13:38

Also...even if I didn't buy things online a lot, why the heck should I just not open my door!? My neighbour is elderly and might want me or a friend could pop by...and it's MY door!

OP posts:

Flarrot · 16/10/2017 13:39

Next time you get a knock at the door just open it slightly and if it’s her, shut it again

Tamatoa · 16/10/2017 13:40

When you order stuff from China, it arrives when it likes! There is zero predicting those parcels! Mumsnet is weird about this.....everyone answers their doors, don't they!?

Topseyt · 16/10/2017 13:41

Stop answering the door at that time.

If you do bump into her and she questions you then just tell her that it simply doesn't work for you and that at that age DD will only be going to the lake when you are able to accompany her.

5 year olds are generally not strong swimmers so I would not have wanted mine going there without me to supervise them at that age. Many of them still don't swim at all.

BeeFarseer · 16/10/2017 13:44

I think your response was perfect. I wonder if she'll carry on asking after that?

Namechangetempissue · 16/10/2017 13:44

I don't answer my door all the time -but I have CCTV coverage and I can see who is there beforehand. Got sick of door to door sales people selling shonky crap and religious groups trying to convert me.

ProseccoMamam · 16/10/2017 13:45

Next time she knocks tell her your DD won’t be going to the lake unless you take her yourself so she can stop knocking on the door unless of emergencies as it’s becoming tedious having to tell her to stop trying to kidnap your DD and sell her to the strange man take your child for walkies each night

Check the window at the front of the house when someone knocks and try to avoid her in the street whenever possible

She seems fucking strange OP and I thought I had a weird neighbour

Topseyt · 16/10/2017 13:46

Cross post. If you really must answer the door then you will have to be blunt with her and say that you want to accompany DD to the lake yourself, but evenings are not convenient. Engage no further. Shut the door.

Badhairday1001 · 16/10/2017 13:50

I would just say that you are not planning on going to the lake in the near future so there is no point in her knocking for you every day and that your daughter won't be going without you. I can't imagine any 9 year old would want to visit a local lake that often, it's not like they are into feeding the ducks at that age.

TheMaddHugger · 16/10/2017 13:51

When she returned with DD an hour later, there was an odd man with them...he loitered in the background and the Mum never introduced me or anything. He sort of glowered at me unsmiling.

She dropped DD off, then walked off with her son and the man back towards her own house. I asked DD "Who was that man?" and DD said "I don't know...she just met him by the lake"

<br />
^^ Have you wrote this past before ?? sure I've read that

To wish this woman would stop knocking at my door?

Coffeetasteslikeshit · 16/10/2017 13:54

Sorry, but reading that, I thought you were the weirdo! Obviously it's completely up to you whether or not you let your DD go to the lake with this woman, but I can't see where she's done anything wrong. You just seem to be making lots of assumptions. Having said that, if she makes you uncomfortable then just say that you're not letting DD go to the lake without you in future.

Ceto · 16/10/2017 14:02

Is she doing this after school? Isn't your answer that (a) your child has homework and (b) you don't want her being out at the lake when it's getting dark?

KrytensNanobots · 16/10/2017 14:10

The lake bit is ringing a bell with me too, I'm sure I read a thread on here ages ago about someone knocking on the door and demanding their dd to go somewhere with them and the OP of the post just let her take them!
If this is real, why on earth would you think you were BU to say no, she's not going out if there's something you're uncomfortable with? Of course you're not. Just. Say. No.

musicform · 16/10/2017 14:11

How odd - why does she keep knocking - id have done the same as you - possibly with a few swear words if she kept on

mindutopia · 16/10/2017 14:13

You're right, that's really weird. I would absolutely have done the same (wouldn't have said yes the first time probably). I think just be firm and consistent and she will eventually go away.

I had a situation like this with a child who lived in our village. We met her by chance taking a walk one day and she walked with us and we had a chat. After that, if she was walking or riding past, she would stop and come in to the garden to play with my dd. I should point out, dd was 2 at the time and this girl was 13, so not at all the same age. She mostly came to talk to me though. It transpired that she seemed really lonely and home life wasn't good. I think she just needed an adult to talk to. It was fine. I didn't mind her coming by to say hello when we were outside. Then she started to knock at the door to see if she could play with my dd. Fine, if it was convenient we'd come outside for a bit....Then after a week or so, she started showing up at dinnertime asking for dinner. She would come during the day when dd was at nursery (I work full time from home so my car is always outside). She would come 3-4 times a day during the work day. Then she started showing up in the evenings after dark wanting to come in. SS was already involved with the family (I found this out via a friend in the village who knows the family as well), so I knew there was at least someone involved with the family who wasn't me. I finally started having to tell her to leave us alone and not knock anymore after it started to be several times a day including as late as 9pm. Eventually I just stopped answering the door.

It's a bit of a shame as it's possible she needs more support than you can offer, but you can't get involved in everyone's life sometimes when you have your own needs too. I think be firm and she will get the message and move on to someone else.

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DanHumphreyIsA · 16/10/2017 14:14

‘Have you wrote this past before ?? sure I've read that’

I remember reading this a month or so ago, almost word for word.

yorkshireyummymummy · 16/10/2017 14:21

Don't be afraid to open your door. It's your front door and you can open it when you want to.
If it's strange woman ( and she is strange. This behaviour is NOT normal) then tell her that she needs to stop knocking at your door asking if your daughter wants to go to the lake. Tell her this applies now and in the future. If she asks why then tell her because you say so. Don't get into the " she's got homework" " it's dark" " she's busy" excuses because these can be argued with and it also lets somebody who might have mental trouble think that you are saying " not now " . You need her to understand not ever.
The most important conversation you need to have is with DD. Impress on her she must NEVER go with this lady anywhere, including into her house and if she sees the man she needs to come home IMMEDIATLY. I give my daughter lots of independence and freedom. We know there are relativly few " bad men " out there. But they do exist and what you have said has set off too many warning signs for my liking. Trust your gut feeling. We have it for a reason.
You sound a very strong woman. Don't be afraid of this neighbour, just tell her no, not now not ever firmly and to stop knocking at your door.

Gemini69 · 16/10/2017 14:26

I'll apologise in advance.. but I found this hilarious reading...

this woman must have the THICKEST SKIN ever.. to keep knocking your door... maybe she get's some twisted pleasure of of it now lol

I feel for you OP... I really do..

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