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To be applying for jobs and worried sick because I'm shit at all jobs?

(7 Posts)
Deadbeat17 Mon 16-Oct-17 12:44:58

I'm applying for plenty. Sometimes i get interviews, and I'm enthusiastic but I think somehow they can tell I'm a bullshitter. I've never worked full time apart from a short time before getting fired. All other part time work has fizzled out because I'm shite at it.

I can never concentrate well enough. I get so overwhelmed and distressed by everything, lists don't work, I can't prioritise. My skin starts to feel wrong and my clothes feel uncomfortable I can't explain this any other way, and I feel fat and my whole body feels wrong which I know is ridiculous. Sitting in a job makes me feel like I'm so shit at life and have failed in everything because the jobs I get are always shit. I always end up feeling so unwell when working I think I should kill myself, which further upsets me because I want to live and have a fulfilling life.

I have some disabilities and part of that is I'm not very well at times and I get tired fast and once I'm tired I hit the deck and can't filter out my clothes hurting and noise around me or make simple decisions quickly.

I am on a long waiting list to be assessed for ASD but I think honestly this is just my snxious personality and personal way of coping with my disabilities. At school I was basically the same but I got by, because my mum did everything for me - I never cooked or did laundry until I was in my 20's - and I would go to school and then rest a lot and recharge by myself.

Upset because I can't keep going like this forever, I need a job I can do and I'm really optimistic in one way so keep applying, then have days like today where I can't even sit up at my desk to do applications without hurting and feeling exhausted and I think I'm pipe dreaming.

I feel desperate today because what future can I have? But I equally desperately want a future.

Deadbeat17 Mon 16-Oct-17 17:20:47

Bumping. There must be another Mumsnet person who has overcome something similar or had a friend who has? There has to be a way forward.

Jasminedes Mon 16-Oct-17 17:26:46

Have you considered also getting assessed for sensory processing disorder and or ADHD? A really good cognitive profile (usually done by educational psyhcologists) could be informative too (hard to know which to start with, but your ASD assessment should be a good first step.

Deadbeat17 Mon 16-Oct-17 17:36:15

A few people have mentioned ADHD to me, but they were people who had it not medical people so have never been referred. I do sometimes wonder myself, but don't have the will to ask for another referral. It takes such a long time.

If the ASD team thought I was not ASD but maybe had ADHD, could they pass me on to them for referral?

Deadbeat17 Mon 16-Oct-17 17:40:44

I feel really down today. I feel like a child. I don't think my brain or personality are capable of keeping up with the pace of normal adult life.

oldbamboo Mon 16-Oct-17 18:06:49

I have ASD and I struggle with work too. The sensory and social interaction issues make it impossible for me. Only a small percentage of adults with autism are able to work full-time, so you're not alone. I have settled on my role in life as being a sahm, which suits me. I get PIP and ESA so I feel like I'm still bringing in an income. I don't have plans to return to work.

The NAS provide some support with autism and employment - is that something you've looked into? There are other charities which will help with supported placements as well. Autism is a real disability and not being able to cope because of it is just like not being able to see if you're blind - it's not a personality flaw, just the way the disability affects you.

Deadbeat17 Mon 16-Oct-17 18:44:35

Thanks. The thing is though I haven't been diagnosed with autism, I'm only on the waiting list. So it could be that it turns out not to be the problem! The problem might just be my bad attitude sad Maybe I should have been able to fix this by now.

If I do turn out to have it I will start looking at the advice from NAS for definite. I'm glad you have found your niche as a SAHM smile I would love children one day but don't know if it will happen for me. I think SAHM do one of the most important jobs out there!

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