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AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

(466 Posts)
MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:01:18

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow sad

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” sad ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

NataliaOsipova Mon 16-Oct-17 09:06:01

The school thing is understandable - I wouldn't take my kids out of school for anything if I could help it (and schools take the same attitude). So if she is taking them out of school, even for a short time, then I'd say she's really making an effort to be there for your special day.

The clothes thing? Totally different and does sound like she's being a bit difficult. It's not as though you're insisting on particular, super-expensive outfits, you're just expecting them to look like they're going to a wedding!

NataliaOsipova Mon 16-Oct-17 09:06:47

.....and congratulations! Hope you have a super day.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 16-Oct-17 09:08:07

Any overseas wedding is a PITA and expensive. However you think you know her finances you really don't. She could have all sorts going on.

I think you should be glad she's coming and forget the other stuff

Aren't you going to be so overwhelmed with the actual getting married bit that you really won't even notice what your nephews are wearing?

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:08:30

She isn’t taking them out of school, but is making a massive palava about her rather ridiculous journey.

I took my secondary school children out of school for 3 days at the end of term a few years ago to go to her birthday party.

Everyone survived and GSCES were passed.

BarbarianMum Mon 16-Oct-17 09:08:31

The reality is that she's going to a lot of trouble and expense to be there because she's your sister. Does it really matter if her kids wear jeans?

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:09:21

I am not getting married overseas - I am in the UK, she lives overseas.

PandorasXbox Mon 16-Oct-17 09:09:48

Tell her not to bother.
Try not to let her attitude ruin the run up to your wedding.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 16-Oct-17 09:10:05

I am not getting married overseas - I am in the UK, she lives overseas.

Then it is overseas for her isn't it confused

BarbarianMum Mon 16-Oct-17 09:10:56

Yes, she lives in a different country so your wedding is overseas to her.

treaclesoda Mon 16-Oct-17 09:10:59

I think it's a bit rude of her to want them to wear jeans but I don't think the rest of it is unreasonable. I wouldn't want my kids to miss school to attend a wedding either. I think it's nice of her to make the effort to attend even though it's not convenient.

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:11:36

Yes - but suggesting I am have a “PITA overseas wedding” is slightly misleading hmm

Penfold007 Mon 16-Oct-17 09:11:44

Maybe she actually doesn't want to come to your wedding, have you asked her?
Whatever happens have a great day, congratulations.

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:12:35

It was an invite - not a court summons.

WitchesHatRim Mon 16-Oct-17 09:12:39

I am not getting married overseas - I am in the UK, she lives overseas.

For her though that is overseas hmm

PandorasXbox Mon 16-Oct-17 09:13:03

I’m surprised at people not wanting their dc to miss school for a day or two because of their aunts wedding.

BarbarianMum Mon 16-Oct-17 09:13:09

But it is a PITA (timing wise) overseas wedding from her point of view. Even if it can't be helped.

OnionKnight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:13:46

I'd tell her not to bother, the school thing is understandable but she is being a PITA about the rest.

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:14:07

I also travelled from NZ with a 15 month old and 5 months PG for her wedding - thinking about it.

treaclesoda Mon 16-Oct-17 09:14:17

It was an invite - not a court summons

That's why it's nice that she's making the effort to attend. If she had declined would you have been offended?

MrsEight Mon 16-Oct-17 09:14:54

I couldn’t get married in August as the groom would not have been here.

ShirleyPhallus Mon 16-Oct-17 09:15:28

But ANY wedding that's overseas is a PITA to attend. However much you love your family and friends and very much want to be there and would go, you could never deny it's expensive and time consuming.

Really can't understand how you can't see that.

AnInchWasPinched Mon 16-Oct-17 09:15:34

YABU I'm afraid. Some countries are very strict on taking children out and she could face a harsh penalty for it.

Does it really matter if they wear jeans? Yes it is your wedding day, but not hers. She's forking out for travel, accommodation etc so she can be with you, then it is a hell of a lot to spend on one day.

crimsonlake Mon 16-Oct-17 09:16:10

I am confused as you say that she is not bringing her children and then you go on to say she asks if the children can attend in jeans?

Nikephorus Mon 16-Oct-17 09:16:26

I agree that jeans to a wedding is unsuitable but she is having to fork out for flights - they do cost money & she's right not to want to have to shell out a fortune for one day.
I think you're both being unreasonable & I wonder if she's being so because you're being demanding.

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