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What's the most insensitive thing anyone has ever said to you?

(148 Posts)
whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:13:13

Was at BIL's wedding on Saturday - lovely day, popular couple, huge guest list, big party. It was basically the opposite of ours, which was family-only, small, quiet, over very quickly.

On the dance floor, MIL comes stomping along (out of time) and says: "It's lovely isn't it. Do you now realise now how staid your own wedding was?"

Now, my own wedding was going to be quite big and friendly. But it got cancelled and had to be replanned. One of several reasons it got cancelled and had to be replanned was MIL's domineering behaviour! By the time we got to organising it a second time, I didn't have the emotional energy to invest in anything big, so I just had the simplest wedding possible.

I think pretty much everyone who knows me well realises how hurt and humiliated I felt by the whole thing, and how much DH and I struggled through that period. So for her to bring it up in the middle of a happy day celebrating BIL was just staggering. I honestly didn't know where to put myself - I just physically froze in the middle of the song 'We Are Family' (oh the irony).

DesignedForLife Mon 16-Oct-17 08:18:05

My Gran did that to my mother- mucked about so she had to rearrange the wedding. Then booked a cruise on the day of the wedding. My parents gave up and got married in a registry office. My mum got one back on her by forgetting to tell her she was pregnant a few months after. My gran did lots of other stuff. Ignore the woman now is your best bet!

sadiemm2 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:20:54

"are you keeping it?" when I became pregnant at 23 after two miscarriages.
"jesus you could have cancer stop moaning" after complaining that I couldn't work out if my pain was due to RA or fibromyalgia..

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:23:12

Designed - I felt really sick after it happened, but I'm fine now. I spent ages yesterday trying to work out if she meant it nastily or if she is just THAT socially clueless. Today I realised that it doesn't matter. It was really hurtful, and that's all that matters.

I was thinking we should probably spend 4-5 days with them at Christmas this year. That just got revised to arriving Christmas Eve, departing Boxing Day. wink

I'm sure other people have worse stories!!

TheSkyAtNight Mon 16-Oct-17 08:24:15

'You are f*cked up & broken' when upset about infertility following 3 losses; 2 second trimester.

Pithivier Mon 16-Oct-17 08:26:10

I was a SAHM for 15 years, then went to work as a part-time cashier. 5 years later I was a branch manager and had won Manager of the year out of 900 branches.

I never mentioned any of this to my Mother or step-father as they are the most spiteful people. My DH being enormously supportive, bought me a lovely watch so that I would know what I had achieved. When she saw it she remarked on it and my son told her the reason why it had been bought.

She said, "Well years ago a Bank Manager was really Somedoy. nowadays they are ten a penny. Any Tuppeny 'Appeny person can call themselves a Bank Manager."

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:26:38

flowers for you sadie and sky.

As someone who is infertile, I got "Well, it's a blessing really, motherhood is a bit crap and you'd be crap at it". Oddly, though, that was less hurtful than my MIL's comment.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa Mon 16-Oct-17 08:27:32

''You shouldn't even worry about that stuff, you're too poor to afford it anyway.'' I was 8 and asked a girl where she got her pencil case from.

That sticks with me to this day.

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:27:44

Ooops, that came out wrong! Didn't mean to suggest that comments about infertility are less hurtful across the board - just to me, at that time, it was actually OK. I probably would have been a bit of a crap mother! For others who wouldn't, that would be a devastating comment.

KoolKoala07 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:29:48

Just to say op, your mil sounds like a witch and no matter what she thinks it's about a happy marriage not a fancy wedding.

Fluffyears Mon 16-Oct-17 08:30:13

Struggling with infertility and people banging on about when i’m going to have a baby seems to be worst. Please don’t ask people or assume anything re whether they have kids or not. One woman at work regularly says ‘you don’t understand because you don’t have children!’ ‘Och you hate children anyway!’ She even said thstbat a client meet andbteet ‘ah fluffy hates children’ I don’t you silly witch!

ninnynono Mon 16-Oct-17 08:31:46

My sister used to be a model. My dad showed my then boyfriend, now husband, her portfolio and said 'now you realize you picked the wrong sister'.

I was with them! I felt so small. So ugly. So worthless.

There are probably lots of other insensitive things that have been said to me, but that one really sticks in my mind.

flowers for everyone

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:31:48

Oohhhh, fluffy she sounds absolutely awful. I'm so sorry. flowers

whatathingtosay Mon 16-Oct-17 08:33:25

ninny - ouch, ouch, ouch.

It's worse when it comes from parents like they are just sharing some Well-Established Fact of The Universe. Your DH clearly disagreed!

LazyDailyMailJournos Mon 16-Oct-17 08:35:29

"Are you sure you aren't pregnant? You look pregnant".

From my DM, having not seen me for a year (we live in different countries). The kicker being that 2 weeks prior I'd been crying my eyes out to her on the phone, having had test results showing that I was infertile.

I can laugh about it now, but it really did sting at the time.

Fluffyears Mon 16-Oct-17 08:36:52

I think she’s just socially weird, she’s pissed everyone off at some point.

Msqueen33 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:38:12

That my child with autism couldn't go to school for 9am with all the other children including her siblings because "other parents might complain" said by the headteacher!

wobblywonderwoman Mon 16-Oct-17 08:38:45

Op- I wouldn't even go for Christmas.
My mother has never said anything nice about me. It hurts a lot.

mamasiz Mon 16-Oct-17 08:38:58

Probably sounds really silly compared to everyone else's stories! When I was about 8ish or so my mum was helping me and a friend wash some face paints off from a school play. I overheard her say to my friend 'oh! Such a difference to washing Holly's face which is so BIG!' Never forgotten it! I was a bit sensitive about my chubby cheeks after that.. ta mum. Flowers for all flowers

FAkenameforthis Mon 16-Oct-17 08:39:11

Tbh I find it funny now as otherwise I would fixate on it forever more.

Me, to the nurse at a GP surgery: “Please don’t tell me my weight, I’m recovering from an eating disorder”
Her: “Well you don’t look like you had an eating disorder.”

AudacityJones Mon 16-Oct-17 08:40:06

From my MIL, right after we lost our baby to a stillbirth at term: "My cousin said that some women just refuse c-sections for no good reason".

For the record I didn't refuse anything.. I just begged them to do something / anything. They were prepping me for GA for an emergency section when they confirmed there was no heartbeat so decided it would be better to just deliver vaginally.

She said loads of other insensitive things particularly following the loss, but that statement an hour after the delivery when DH and I were despondent with grief was just...the worst.

Daffodils07 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:40:53

When I was having a miscarriage, 'thats ok you have another child' wtaf!
Some people just need to engage with their brain.

drinkswineoutofamug Mon 16-Oct-17 08:41:07

My mother asking me if I was going to have an abortion, with each of her 3 grandkids. The last time she asked I was calling her from hospital to say I had miscarried a twin, so was I going to get rid of the other one?

Fluffyears Mon 16-Oct-17 08:41:33

A lighthearted one now, hung out washing at the weekend and do said ‘wow look how big your trousers look next to mine!’ Thanks!

Squirmy65ghyg Mon 16-Oct-17 08:42:14

Loads, and loads, and loads of things.

DP is a good man for "taking me on" as a LP with a DS hmm

People who know exactly what my life is like as an LP because their husband happens to be on a work trip overnight - fuck off (DP and I don't live together)

People who complain about their DH being out of the house 7-7 M-F therefore they are a single parent.

I honestly shit you not. It's incessant.

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