For hating school behaviour charts ?(138 Posts)
My DS is in Y6.
His self esteem is rock bottom because of the new reward chart introduced by school ?
He's bottom of the entire class.
I don't pretend my boy is a perfect pupil. He's not. He's a 10 year old that's trying his best to navigate his faults. He's naturally fidgety. He is a July baby so one of the youngest. He has a very active mind that's engaged by practical interactions but SATS we are already getting tests after tests and a normally very happy boy feels in adequate less than half a term in.
Some kids are running round finding jobs to collect these 'rewards' to move them up the class rankings. I'm not bothered about him being bottom of the class. I know him and his work ethos. I'm the first one to admit he's not perfect but he's certainly not a rebel! I'm hurting for him you can collect them for extra homework but he already has SATS books, reading to complete, I have a 10 part project as extra which he's too tired to do so I'm not forcing him and this would get him extra points! As well as footy and friends/chill out to fit in for his mental breaks from education.
He's not naughty, he's polite & caring, hardworking but not fast. His mind is often away with the fairies but that's him. He's always been like this but he's top group for main subjects, surely it should be about getting him engaged and not making him feel so low by non recognition for not being fast or first, I fully appreciate teachers and the stress they are under for behaviour and results. I have lots of teacher friends. It's like he's not a person anymore, instead its competing 20 Y6's who's best. From cleaning up class rooms to test results and everything in between !
I always say just try your best! That's all I ask but he is and he's still bottom!
He never gets star of the week. Awards etc the dinner ladies love him gets loads of dinner awards for being polite/helping etc.
We used to have such a simple personal reward system now everything's so public and open.
Is it just me that doesn't like it?
Definitely having a word with school as he said he just doesn't feel good enough. He's shutting down, even the teacher contacted to say he's not trying this week. After a heart to heart this is the reason!
I've noticed he was getting really angry at home too. Luckily I've got parents evening soon and a fantastic open door policy so can raise the question !
Sorry for long post. Always scared of negativity of opinions so bit worried about posting ! ( I suffer anxiety so don't need to feel like a shit parent on top 😂) I think I over think things but I hate seeing him upset!
Just go and see the teacher Monday. Don't wait for parents evening bring this up now !
This is heartbreaking.
I know they are under enormous pressure to get results, but to destroy a child's confidence in this way can't be allowed.
No wonder a growing number of teenagers have MH issues.
I have no advice other than to talk to his teachers and explain exactly what you have written here, but you are tight to be angry and concerned.
I was told at parents evening that DD often doesn't complete tasks but they are not sure why as she doesn't really chat.
I asked her about it and she told me she pretends she has troll friends and watches them play 'it' atound the classroom.
If you can't have imaginary troll friends when you're 8, when can you?!
It really all depends on why he is actually last. By 'being a bit fidgety' could he be being disruptive?
If it is all about speed in completion of work etc then YADNBU. It should be about effort, some children learn / work slower than others. This is just a fact and not a reflection on your parenting style at all! Class clean up etc he probably should be helping with though. Especially since he seemingly does so in the canteen.
Speak to the teacher as soon as you can, don't wait until parents evening.
I'll be in tomorrow don't worry. I mean at least I will have a proper sit down with teachers coming up aswell . I'll have the head teacher by 9 in the morning ! Get her to investigate. ( very small school )
Thanks for the kind replies
No he's not distributive. He taps a pencil sort of thing. Nothing major but completely understand it can annoy other kiddies
You only get a small amount at time at parents evening . If you want discuss a big issue as this is . You make appointment after school and you talk for longer than 5 mins you get at parents evening .
We get quite a bit of time. V small small school. But I will see the lady who looks after the kids mental health in school too aswell I think.
I consider him to be a normal 10 yr old. Cheeky, works hard, polite. It's the points system it's really driving me up the wall!
It's turning them into teachers pets ( bit of a crappy description sorry ) he isnt bothered about competing. He wants to go to school, work, play, work, eat, work and come home with good grades. As he knows that's what I expect !
Yes permatired. But they get a double whammy of names being moved down another ladder aswell
the public part of this is really potentially damaging to any child, and you should discuss it with the school. i've ended up in awkward conversations several times when one of my dds ended up feeling like they just could not affect the outcome, and were giving up or feeling seriously affected. the last thing the school should want is to foster humiliation, giving up, alienation, disenchantment with the school as a system. for me, in each case the teacher hadn't realised how important the stickers or whatever were to the dc, and how much the children were focusing on them, comparing, etc - they adjusted a bit and it got much better.
That's it ! You explain it so much better ! Thank you ! @cordeliavorkosigan
I had an interesting chat with my Y6 dc this week. They're poorly and school are making 'ooh it's an important year' noises. I mentioned this to dc with an eyeroll about SATS and it was a revelation to dc. They genuinely thought this was some massive career affecting test. That this was a pivotal point in their life
It might be worth doing a bit of context and expectation setting.
I suspect the school will say if he wants to be higher up the chart he has to work for it or do x y and z. So go in but be prepared with answers back when they say things like this. Could he get ‘points’ for other tasks, things that he’s good at, if you asked them?
Does the chart actually rank pupils? They have similar at my DD’s school but they’re on either the sun, rainbow, cloud or rain cloud, rather than ‘top child’ or ‘bottom child’.
My DC are younger than your DS but the prospect of so much pressure for a young child is terrifying. I loathe the ‘this will affect the rest of your life’ messages kids seem to get about exams.
Totally true. Yes I've already explained to him. It's mainly seeing everyday his name at the bottom . It's lost his engagement. The whole class sees each other's and other pupils if they come in
I'm off to bed.
Thanks for the kind honest replies
Catch up tomorrow
That's appalling. Way too make half the class into anxious messes trying to keep their place in the list and the other half disenchanted with the entire idea of school.
Where do people come up with these ideas, honestly.
Poor lad I’m the first person to stick up for teachers when the going gets tough but I honestly can’t see the benefit of having a ranking system.
Do approach the school. One of the teachers I spoke to was genuinely surprised that my dd was experiencing coming in every day, trying so hard to get the reward thing, not getting it, and that this had become her dominant experience of school overall and had affected how much she thought she could succeed.
To the teacher 10 days since getting some star or sticker was so recent, but to a 6yo it's ages. Dd was one of the ones the teacher thought was doing well! Dd's experience was that X name was always ahead and when X did whatever task she'd be recognised and blah blah. They modified the scheme and it got better.
Against the grain here... This chart is showing you that, rather than just not being "perfect" or "an angel", your DS' behaviour is well below average. That should be your focus, not the chart. Sorry!
Many of the behaviours you describe are not within his control. Some children find not fidgeting and staying on task hard, even if they are bright. It's up to the teacher to motivate him and engage him not just expect him to be engaged and motivated then humiliate him if he isn't.
Behaviour and effort and tidying the classroom are things he can achieve if he wsnts.also you say he's top of the class so extra homework should be within his grasp too.Not really getting that he's hard done to tbh.
I agree with Pengggwn - the focus is wrong. Surely you should be encouraging your child to progress up the chart, not that if things don’t go my way, mummy will fight my battles.
Whilst I don't like the public ranking of kids, sitting tapping a pencil IS disruptive. Just like clicking the tops of pens, tapping the table etc. They disrupt learning and distract others.
This year I've had some y7s who insisted on playing with rulers, tapping, whistling, clicking pens etc. I didn't tell them off because enough of thrm seemed surprised that it might be a problem, but we have done lots of work on how not to fiddle with things so we can all concentrate.
By all means speak to the teacher about thr chart system, but I would also be open to the idea that your idea of 'a bit fidgety' is similar to 'disruptive'.
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