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Fingers and rings after divorce.

(26 Posts)
ferriswheel Sun 15-Oct-17 20:58:42

Disclaimer - I know this will make me sound like a crazy insecure lady that's because I am.

Also, I'm separated for a year with very young children so I know I am far, far from ready for a new relationship. But...

I LOVED my wedding ring, and wearing a ring on my wedding ring finger.

Firstly, do you think wearing a ring on this finger jinxes the possibility of a future relationship? Please don't take the piss.

Secondly, what kind of rings can I wear that don't look childish? My wedding band seemed so grown up.--I really miss it.--

MrsPestilence Sun 15-Oct-17 21:02:40

Pull up your big girl pants, sell the wedding ring and buy yourself a ring to go on the other hand.

Yes it will be an emotional wrench but this is the beginning of the rest of your life. flowers

TheFormidableMrsC Sun 15-Oct-17 21:07:37

I sold my wedding and engagement rings and indeed my ex-husband's wedding ring as I desperately needed the money at the time. It broke my heart. I went ringless for a long time. I was then given a Pandora ring as a gift and added to the stack over time. I wear them on my middle finger. I do still go to fiddle my wedding ring that is no longer there but somehow don't feel right wearing a ring on my wedding finger. I have got used to it and my new rings are gorgeous and eyecatching. I agree with MrsP, go and buy yourself something lovely to mark your new beginning flowers

KurriKurri Sun 15-Oct-17 21:07:57

I wear rings on my right ring finger now, or sometimes I wear one on middle finger, one on right ring.

You can get some nice simple gold rings (or silver) that have a minimal design on them so are clearly not wedding bands. That's the kind of thing I go for.

I know what you mean though - my XH bought me a beautiful eternity ring for our 25th anniversary (five years before he buggered off with someone else - not sure he quite understood the menaing of eternity grin) and I loved the ring but haven;t worn it since. Have wondered about getting it and my wedding and engagement rings melted down and made into a new ring.

Phillipa12 Sun 15-Oct-17 21:12:21

kurri i did just that, well i exchanged my wedding/eternity and engagement rings for a ring i designed which i now wear with my deceased mums wedding ring on my right hand ring finger.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sun 15-Oct-17 21:14:45

Ah it's no big deal. Wear what you want.

Rainybo Sun 15-Oct-17 21:16:35

I’m another one that bought myself a new ring and I wear it on my right hand ring finger.

I wear my deceased nan’s engagement ring on my left ring finger.

friendshipfloss Sun 15-Oct-17 21:23:56

I had this dilemma & so missed having no wedding ring after so many years. After the first year had passed - which was a very difficult time for me - I bought myself a ring I loved & I wear it between my ring finger & the third finger on my right hand. I swap it between the two as the mood takes me.

I have worn it every day since & it was my celebration to myself of surviving that first horrible year. I was just lucky to find the right ring one day when I wasn’t really looking. It does not resemble an engagement/wedding ring in any way. It wasn’t particularly expensive. It reminds me every day of how strong I am & how I will never let another man treat me in the way my ex husband did.

I agonised over what to do with my wedding ring & eternity rings. I had them valued but in the end had the eternity ring broken down & used the stones to make a stunning necklace & earrings for my daughter. The wedding ring was left with the jeweller & he took the scrap value off the bill.

I understand what you are saying regarding the sentiment of the eternity ring being ruined when your husband leaves for the OW but I thought it made a beautiful piece of jewellery for my daughter. It symbolises to me the eternal love I have for her and it just felt like the right thing to do.

It took me 2 years to sort all this out and come to these decisions. It was a very big deal and I feel very happy that I did the right thing for me.

Ilovetolurk Sun 15-Oct-17 21:24:02

Firstly, do you think wearing a ring on this finger jinxes the possibility of a future relationship?

Possibly not the best advertisement

FrancisCrawford Sun 15-Oct-17 21:37:31

I wore three rings - engagement, wedding and eternity.

Took them all off when ex walked out. It felt so strange, as I’d worn a ring on that finger since I was 19.

Didn’t wear anything for 6 years till my mum died and left me her engagement and wedding rings. I now wear them on my “wedding” finger. It gives me great comfort.

ferriswheel Sun 15-Oct-17 21:38:47

Friendship floss

You sound like me.

Justanothernameonthepage Sun 15-Oct-17 21:49:23

Well yes, wearing a ring on your wedding finger will effect your chance of a decent relationship. Decent blokes will assume you're married/not over your ex and steer clear. Blokes happy with cheating will assume you are cheating and not wanting a serious relationship.

mineofuselessinformation Sun 15-Oct-17 21:54:52

There are some awful assumptions here.
Fwiw, I bought myself a 'divorce ring' - a lovely cocktail ring made of gold in a modern design. I wear it on my left ring finger when I feel like it.
I don't give a shiny shit whether or not people judge me because of it.

BobbinThreadbare123 Sun 15-Oct-17 21:58:33

I sold my first engagement and wedding ring set. It took me a while to get rid, actually.

I took them off the day my XH walked out. I took to wearing the most outrageously chunky rings on that finger, including some cool acrylic ones.

I am happily remarried and have a new pair of wedding rings. I actually sometime miss the chunky plastic ones though, as they don't fit comfortably on my right hand.

friendshipfloss Sun 15-Oct-17 22:13:40

I felt that if someone made the assumption that I wasn’t single just because of a ring on a finger then they are a bit shallow anyway! If someone showed a definite interest then they would wish to engage me in conversation and find out more about me.

It was more positive for me to touch a ring on my ring finger that I felt empowered me, rather than subconsciously reaching for a wedding ring that wasn’t there and then remembering all the angst that represented.

I hope you manage to come to a decision about your rings Ferris, and take your time to work out what feels right.

FrankiesKnuckle Sun 15-Oct-17 22:17:35

A friend had her wedding and engagement rings melted down and designed into something else, a Phoenix from the flames as it were.

ferriswheel Sun 15-Oct-17 22:19:36

This is a very helpful thread. Thank you.

Cocktail rings, off to look them up. Any other ring recommendations?

Auldspinster Sun 15-Oct-17 22:23:31

I've never been married and wear dress rings on my left hand ring finger if I feel like it.

sooperdooper Sun 15-Oct-17 22:24:47

I reckon wear what you want on whatever finger you want! I never wear my wedding ring these days, I dislike wearing two rings on one finger and prefer my engagement ring, I also wear my great grandmothers engagement ring on my right hand

I couldn't care less whether people assume whatever they want to about my relationship status based on what jewellery I wear smile

JaceLancs Sun 15-Oct-17 22:29:29

I carried on wearing all my rings because I like jewellery!
It never stopped me having a relationship - next long term relationship didn’t want to get engaged as we didn’t plan on getting married so suggested a commitment ring instead - I wore that on ring finger and moved the others to my right hand where I wear them still

SansaClegane Sun 15-Oct-17 22:31:51

Slightly OT but where do you sell your rings? Just go to a high street jewellers?

I've just put mine away for now, feels a bit weird sometimes as I was in the habit of fiddling with them, but I haven't really thought about what to do with them. Divorce isn't final yet but I quite like the idea of selling them and treating myself to something nice when it's all over!

NarcsBegone Sun 15-Oct-17 22:36:20

I have always worn a ring on my wedding finger. When I was young I was given a ring that was very precious to me and wore it there as I was being slightly dramatic and sentimental. When I got engaged and married I wore those and had the other ring cut off and later combined it with the eternity ring exh got me when ds was born. I sold engagement and both our wedding rings because of no money but kept the eternity ring as it signifies ds and wear that on my wedding finger. I have no intention of ever removing or replacing or adding to that ring and so it will remain.

TheFormidableMrsC Sun 15-Oct-17 23:02:19

Sans, I went round a few, local jewellers who were advertising buying jewellery before I found a lovely female run one who could see I was distressed, actually tried to talk me out of it, but literally desperate times. I am sure she gave me more than was due, but the money saved me for a month and I got some treats for the kids. I miss my rings though, they were important, I loved them. However, there seemed to me to be no point in keeping things that were given to me by somebody who wanted to be with somebody else.

LadyWire Sun 15-Oct-17 23:09:53

I wear rings on my little fingers, ring fingers and middle fingers of both hands. Never been married. When I met DP funnily enough he didn't immediately clock my left ring finger and flounce out assuming I was "taken."

As an aside, my left hand is silver and my right is gold. All my rings mean something to me, including my late DM's and DGM's wedding rings. I wear a ring that DP bought me on my left middle finger and the ring on my left ring finger is a plain silver band that my DD bought for me.

LenaLoveWitch Mon 16-Oct-17 09:22:01

After my divorce I had my 5 diamond ring made into 3 diamond pendants and a pair of earrings- I gave my mother and sister who supported me so much a necklace and earrings gave and wear the two other chains (different lengths) myself

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