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AIBU?

Cheating partner or innocent behaviour?

37 replies

mumzilla2 · 15/10/2017 12:23

Long time lurker, name change for this post. I’m away for the night (last night) with the children and long term partner stayed at home. I felt uneasy but dismissed myself as paranoid about what he was doing. I checked his phone on find my iPhone app and it was removed, still showing laptop and iPhone in there. So I checked find my friends and saw that he was driving around an area about 5-6 miles away for over an hr - between 12-1am. For context he never goes out anywhere, and never late at night. Why would he do this? I spoke to him and gave him opportunity to tell me what he did last night and no mention of that, just mundane stuff about being on computer. AIBU to confront him and ask or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/10/2017 12:25

So he was driving around for an hour, just driving? Or did he drive and then stop somewhere?

Pombliboo123 · 15/10/2017 12:26

Confront him. Similar thing happened to me ... said he was at x place, his phone location was at y place... confronted him and he was at his ex's house. "Fitting a washing machine" apparently. But that's another story.

Or try and dig in his phone for more evidence before he has a chance to delete it all. I know on an iPhone somewhere in settings you can see exactly where the phone has been and for how long... (I am aware I sound mental)

toolonglurking · 15/10/2017 12:32

Does he have form for cheating? Why did it even occur to you to check up on him? There are clearly bigger issues afoot, I'd suggest you have a hard look at your relationship whether he was up to no good or not.

MiniTheMinx · 15/10/2017 12:35

Seems a strange time to go for a drive. And for some reason he prefers not to tell you.
Did he drive around and around the same area?
Which area? Do you know it? What is it like there?
Could he have run out of something? Is there a shop open in that area at that time?

I would check his phone and check internet history.

mumzilla2 · 15/10/2017 12:36

In the hr I could see it looked like he was driving as not in one place for any length of time. Dodgy red light areas in my opinion. Are they a thing anymore? Or am I paranoid? I don’t know his phone log in, he changes it regularly due to having confidential work stuff on there

OP posts:

hotbathsdontmeltfat · 15/10/2017 12:39

Ask him, and watch his reaction closely

Creampastry · 15/10/2017 12:51

Sounds like he is a dodgy fucker!

Changing work log in recently as he has confidential stuff.... hmmm

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 15/10/2017 12:57

When you say red light areas you mean areas known for prostitution? And he was driving round there for an hour?

MaidOfStars · 15/10/2017 12:58

What's the area? Rural or urban?

Drugs? Dogging?

Late night McDonalds?

MaidOfStars · 15/10/2017 13:00

And I change my passcode frequently, as a condition of my work servers. It's not that weird.

SaucyJack · 15/10/2017 13:01

Cocaine?

BriechonCheese · 15/10/2017 13:02

Red light district?

Why do you think you have suspicions?

usainboltsleotard · 15/10/2017 13:03

I once freaked because DH was 'cruising' around town for 3 hours between 11pm and 2am when I was at work and DC at grandparents. I asked him and it turns out there was a 'Pokemon go' event and he caught loads of super rare ones. FFS.

I'd had no reason to ever distrust him thou and only checked where he was because I tried the landline 3 times and couldn't get thru and then he 'cleared the call' on his mobile - because he was catching a super rare Pokemon. Like a frickin 11 year old.

Dustbunny1900 · 15/10/2017 13:05

Sorry but if he NEVER goes out like that, and then decides not to mention it when you ask, of course it's something dodgy.
It's like DM always used to say. "Nothing good happens between midnight and 3 am". Of course DM never had a third shift job but I'm guessing neither does your DH

RedSkyAtNight · 15/10/2017 13:12

Why were you checking up on him? Does he have a history of cheating? Otherwise it's extremely controlling to spend so much of your night away checking up on your partner's whereabouts.
If this was my husband, I'd assume it was a blip in the software.

mumzilla2 · 15/10/2017 13:27

Redsky - yes he has previous with escorts. So that kind of thing on a night I’m away seemed the most obvious, staying up til 3am on laptop before I went away when not usual for him to do that.

OP posts:

NoCryLilSoftSoft · 15/10/2017 13:30

yes he has previous with escorts

Case closed. You know what he was at, we know what he was at. You'll be a mug if you swallow any bullshit he gives you about this. I wouldn't even ask him, I'd pack his bags and put him out.

MiniTheMinx · 15/10/2017 13:34

Ok, so it may be a red light district. You could just ask "darling why were you cruising around the red light district early in the morning" if you catch him off guard look at his reaction. I'd then ask him to unlock his phone, there and then.

If you decide not to ask, you could check pc, tablets, phone for any indication that he has researched this place, looked at sites for prostitution etc,...I'd then go stay with friends for another weekend and see if he does it again.

BriechonCheese · 15/10/2017 13:36

You need to have it out with and sadly, you need an STI test.

MiniTheMinx · 15/10/2017 13:38

Do you have a joint bank account? Could check to see what cash was withdrawn.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 15/10/2017 13:40

yes he has previous with escorts

Drip feed much? Not really a mystery then. Why are you still with him again?

mumzilla2 · 15/10/2017 13:42

I can’t see any money taken out and we only have joint account. When I get home I will ask him.

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AtrociousCircumstance · 15/10/2017 13:44

Any man who uses prostitutes is an abuser. They use women's bodies as objects and don't give a shit how painful/uncomfortable the act might be for them. They also don't give a shit about the fact that a lot of sex workers are desperate people who feel they have no other way to survive, and/or people who have suffered abuse.

Your partner is a worthless piece of shit. And yes of course he was out doing it again.

Please look after yourself and leave him.

CosmicStrider · 15/10/2017 13:44

My sister suspected her partner of not being entirely honest, but had nothing to go on. It was the Nearby Friends feature on FB that gave him away in the end. It showed him as being in a location for over an hour that he denied going to - right where OW lived.

Only you know him. If he has history and this is your evidence, then confront him, if you feel ready. Otherwise wait until you are, and father more evidence in the mention. Keep tabs on car mileage, and give him opportunities.

IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes · 15/10/2017 13:44

I'd pack a bag of his stuff in the meantime probably using rubber gloves as fuck knows where he's been

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