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Jealous and basically need reassurance i'm being sensible

(1 Post)
Louise2092 Sun 15-Oct-17 11:55:17

Ok, so one of my issues is that I'm very broody. A few girls at my work are pregnant, my best friend has just found out she is pregnant, my sisters friend is pregnant and my cousin just had a baby. It feels like everyone around me is having babies and I'm not. The reason I'm not is through choice, I know me and DP can't afford to right now and realistically won't be able to afford it until after we are married (2020). I'm trying to console myself with the fact that I'll have lots of little babies to help look after and babysit early next year but I get times where I want to come off my birth control and just have a baby as other people seem to manage , why wouldn't I? (I realise this is silly and I'm actually doing the responsible thing by waiting until I'm financially secure).

My other issue is that my DP has an 11 year old son who I try my best to get on with but sometimes it's plainly obvious we have nothing in common other than his dad. I drive and DP doesn't so I am chauffeur/taxi for days out, we go without so we can take DSS on days out but when he doesn't get his way or is told off slightly by his dad, he goes in a huff and ruins the day out which makes me a bit resentful that we've spent money and gone without for us all to have a nice day out and he ruins it. Lately, DSS's mum has been messaging DP about me, checking to make sure I'm making effort with DSS and not ignoring him (which i don't ever do) and keeps bringing up the fact I have no kids of my own (11 year age gap between me and DP and i'm only 25). This really hurts as I do my best and she knows I want a child of my own and her making out I don't bother with SS because he isn't my own child is upsetting.
Her and DP's co parenting is severely lacking, they have different parenting styles and DSS gets away with a lot but DP doesn't often listen to my input which I believe is because I'm not a parent so my opinion doesn't matter as much.

It's starting to feel like I'll never be a good enough step parent and want my own child so I can actually be a parent and parent my way.

I've looked through the step parenting threads but it always seems to be step parents who also have their own children, any input from a step parent with no kids of their own (so, similar to me) would be appreciated.

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